IDS #154 - Underwear, Coconuts, and Jaundice

154 UNDERWEAR, COCONUTS AND JAUNDICE

Mike: [00:00:00] So we're gonna talk about underpants. Yeah. Uh, we need, uh, underpants. Mm-hmm. Coconuts and jaundice. Go. 

Darin: Hello. That's a title. Underpants, coconuts, and Jaundice.

Whenever I think about the past, it just brings back so many memories.

Welcome to Irritable Dead Syndrome, a Mic and Darren Joint. 

Mike: Hey, I'm Mike. And I'm Darren. You are listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome. This is episode 100, and who gives it? Tonight I'm gonna be talking about something that I almost did to a Ferrari in a parking lot. 

Darin: Oh, fun. I am gonna talk about the fact that I went to Chicago and I had a very extremely interesting thing happen to me 

Mike: in an Uber, and I'm gonna talk about the fact that Bess and I paid $180 to not see.

The bear 

Darin: naked ladies. Hey, it's been one week. It's 

Mike: been one week since we lost our money. Bear 

Darin: [00:01:00] welcome to the show. Yes. Before we start Yeah. I, I want to get into something real quick. Okay. And this has bothered me cuz we record this show in advance. We do? Yeah. It doesn't sound like it. I I know. It's, it sounds like we just slipped it out and then threw it on the, on the thing.

That's what she said. So, uh, My son Jacob, graduated high school. Mm-hmm. We had a party at our house. Yeah. Just for our close family. Mm-hmm. And then a week later we had a party with all our close friends. Yeah. Okay. Mm-hmm. So, Uh, we're having this party in the backyard. Yeah. Beautiful day. You have? Yeah. Yeah.

And, uh, I borrowed a ton of chairs. I borrowed a bunch of tables. I borrowed some tents. I borrowed several crockpots. We borrowed a lot of stuff. So I'm out there in the backyard and I'm, and I'm, uh, I'm setting up the chairs. Yeah. And my question is about, Chair placement 

Mike: because Yeah, I, I figured you would have some questions 

Darin: about this.

There was a, there were a lot of chairs on our patio. We've got a gazebo, or as you call it, a gazebo. A gazebo, and then there were [00:02:00] chairs next to the gazebo. Yeah. And those chairs were facing the gazebo. Okay. Yeah. So I figured if there were people sitting in the gazebo, then the people outside would would look, would be looking at them.

Look at the people who were in the gazebo. Yeah. Then I laid out a bunch of chairs in the yard theater style, and they were facing. The house, the wall of the, the back of the house. Yeah. So, uh, my friend Joy says, Hey, um, Darren, why are the chairs facing the house? Is somebody going to make a speech? Yeah. And I said, no, they're just facing the house.

Yeah. Because if there are people on the porch, then the people in the yard would want to feel in. Included what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're facing the house because that's where all the people are. Mm-hmm. Just like if you had dinner at your house, right. Everybody would face each other. Right.

You wanna 

Mike: see the people, most of the people in your 

Darin: family when you're eating. Okay. So I had that conversation with my friend, joy. Then 10 minutes later, Jason Durbin that pill. I'm walking up [00:03:00] to him and you're there and he's like, Hey Darren. Yeah. Uh, how come all the chairs are facing the house? Uhhuh? Is somebody gonna make a speech Uhhuh word for word?

Yeah. Yeah. As if Joy walked over and says, Hey, give him about the chair placement in the yard. Yeah. Yeah. And then he wouldn't let it go. Right. And of course, you're standing there and if I'm, it's like if I've got a a, a search in my pocket, how come you're carrying search in your pocket? You make fun of everything that you can when we are outside of this, uh, podcast.

Yeah. So Jason's gonna, that's what I, yeah, because the chairs are facing the house. 

Mike: Well, you're not painting the entire picture here. Okay. So allow me, if you will allow me, what am I, what am I missing? Let me, let me take the brush from you for a moment. Okay. And complete this canvas. Okay? Yes. So further out in the yard, you have another set of chairs Yes.

Around long tables. And they were under tents. Okay. Under tents. Yes. And they were facing each other. Mm-hmm. Far away from the theater style chairs that were facing the opposite direction towards the house. Right. It looked like. Okay. You were gonna put people [00:04:00] you don't like and or don't want to see.

Mm-hmm. In the far tables, right. And that you were going to either I. Conduct a show. Mm-hmm. An execution. Don't know why. And you were gonna do some oration. 

Darin: Okay. The, um, I'm not gonna do that with people. Okay. At the Yeah. Oh, yeah. Talking. Exactly. Okay. Yeah. The chairs, it was odd. And the tents were at the bottom of the yard because there's a hill.

Yeah. We can't place them on the hill. Everybody fall over. Okay. So we put them at the flat part of the yard, which is the bottom. Yeah. But yeah, 

Mike: and we faced everyone else away from them, like, don't fraternize with those 

Darin: people. Yeah. Okay. So that's the thing. Yeah. Those chairs should have faced the, the tents at the bottom of the yard.

Mike: I go to a lot of concerts. Okay. I go to a lot of concerts. Okay. And sometimes I pay the premium to get the v i p treatment. Right. Right? Mm-hmm. And you, and when you do that, you get the first couple of rows, you get all, you get like, Your own beer, place your own thing. Right? You get treat, you get get your own merch.

Mm-hmm. [00:05:00] You get put into the venue maybe an hour before to to stand around with your martini glasses. I go, yes, indeed, indeed. And watch the rest of the plebeians come into the other seats. The first album was their best album. I enjoyed the way that your yard was set up because I felt like I was in the v i p section.

Okay. Right there at the front row. Facing the, the back of your house. Mm-hmm. And I looked down and I just thought, ah, that's for all the late comers. Right. And the people who aren't as Exactly, you don't view as highly as everyone else. That's not 

Darin: true. It has nothing to do with how much we like. Or dislike anybody?

Yeah, because there were lots of people that I dislike that sat close to the house. Name one.

There's nobody at the house that I dislike. There were, there were people that I had no idea who they were. Like, I walked outside and there's this man and a woman sitting there. No clue who they are. Yeah. And hey, how you doing now? My brother would go, I don't know you. Yeah, right. I'm not like that. I was like, hi, how's it going?

[00:06:00] And thanks for coming and I really appreciate it. And you have, did you get enough to eat? Are, are you having a good time? Yeah, I'm asking all the que I'm trying to be a very good host. Yeah. Yeah. I'm asking all the questions. And they talked to me maybe 10 minutes. Uhhuh before they said we're Joey's parents.

Oh, Joey is a friend of Jacob Uhhuh. And I'm like, oh cool. Yeah. Could have told me that 10 minutes ago. Yeah. Because I'm like, do I know you from church? Yeah. I'm pretty sure you don't work with Libby. Mm-hmm. And then I'm trying to, it's like they're not any of our neighbors. I could not figure out who they were cuz I'd never met 'em before.

Yeah, yeah. But here's my thing. Okay. Okay. So we had. Less chairs and tables than people who came to the party. Okay. Yeah. The deal is like if everybody shows up Uhhuh at once. Yeah. And everybody wants to eat at the same time. We wanted to be prepared. Okay. That's why we had the tables at the bottom of the yard.

Yeah. Now there's a ton of kids. Who were playing the Smash Brothers. Okay. Mm. And they stayed inside and played Super Smash. There's like 12, 14 [00:07:00] kids playing Super Smash Brothers. Mm-hmm. Hence, the tables at the bottom of the yard were empty. That's why those tables may be, Dave Lay was sick. He couldn't make it.

So those were the kids kids' tables? Yeah. Okay. No, they, they weren't reserved for anybody. Ah, okay. They were just, they were overflowed. They 

Mike: were just there. Okay. They were like the, the, the, they 

Darin: would've been right up next to everything else at the house, had the yard not 

Mike: sloped. If I may, they're like the lawn at River Bend.

Okay. 

Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just the tables would've been literally, yeah, they would've been all the way up to the house, had the yard not sloped. Yeah, okay. Okay. That's why they're at the bottom. Yeah. It wasn't a preference thing, but anyway, but Jason couldn't just, he just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that the chairs are facing 

Mike: the house.

He may or may not have had someone coach him before you come. You came over, was it 

Darin: you? What? I think it was you maybe. Did you overhear Joy asking 

Mike: me that. I asked her to ask you that 

Darin: You did not. I did. Are you serious? Hey, what happened? 

Mike: [00:08:00] And I asked Jason to ask you that I asked everybody I ran into to come talk to you about the chairs.

Oh, screw you. 

Darin: This whole time. I was like, what? Word for word? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Then Joy, I owe you an apology. Yeah, indeed. You don't. Uh, but here's, it was a, and then I wanna say something else about the party. Okay. Alright. Uh, we had a, a walking taco party. Mm-hmm. Okay. And I noticed that you had seconds.

I have a few of those in college. Yeah. You had seconds on the walking tacos. I did. They were a huge hit. Yeah. But now we're trying to figure out, I think the headcount was possibly 50 people. Okay. There's coming. Yeah. So I'm trying to figure out how much stuff do we get mm-hmm. To make for this taco party.

Libby, who's the smart one in the family mm-hmm. Went on the internet and there's a thing called a taco bar calculator. Wow. A taco bar calculator. You go on to taco bar calculator.com. Yeah. Yeah. And uh, uh, uh, you put in how many people? It will tell you how many pounds of meat, [00:09:00] how many really? How many jars of salsa.

Okay. How many heads of lettuce? Wow. How many pounds of cheese? Holy. I went roughly by the taco bar calculator. Okay. That's what I had. Three heads of lettuce, two giant things of salsa. I still have tomatoes at the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I made 20 pounds of 

Mike: taco meat. There was a lot of meat in there.

Darin: Yeah. 20 pounds. And we borrowed, we had five crockpots in the house full 

Mike: of taco meat. I mean, I had, I, I know that, uh, Andrew had a bowl uhhuh. I think Charlie had a bowl. Mm-hmm. Bess had one, I had two. Mm-hmm. We packed up a couple of bowls for booba and marbles. I mean, you made. You made enough. We 

Darin: ended up giving so much taco meat to the durbins.

I didn't bring to Michaels. Didn't bring some to my dog. Yeah, that's fine. 

Mike: But And the cake. I didn't know I, can I talk to you about the cake? Yeah. 

Darin: Yeah. The illegal 

Mike: cake we got at Costco. That was an amazing, oh, they always have an amazing cake. Yeah. Costco is the bomb when it comes to cake. So something else happened at the uh, yeah.

At your party. What's that? That you're not aware of [00:10:00] that is directly related to the show? So Bess and I are talking to a person, Uhhuh, who is one of Cameron's friends. Okay. And he mentioned something. Okay. That sounds like something on Irritable Dad. Okay. And then Bess said, do your parents listen to the irritable bad syndrome?

He's like, oh yeah. And she's like, do you listen to it? And he, he started, you know who I'm talking about? Miles. Miles, yeah. 

Darin: And you need to go to bed Miles. So 

Mike: it's, it's a long conversation. And Bess is like tactfully trying to get more information on him. She's like, oh, so you hear a lot of quacking? And he said, oh yeah, miles is like 15.

And then there's a long 14 or 15 years old. There's a long. Uncomfortable pause, Uhhuh. And she, and I said, I, cuz I had to know Uhhuh. I said, do you watch the live stream? And he said, oh yeah. And I said, oh yeah, that what I've been trying to tell you. Yeah. I'm not editing myself. I, I know I'm not editing myself, [00:11:00] but, but if 

Darin: I can Hi to Miles.

Yeah. If I can say, when we started this podcast, we said we're gonna be clean and then we are, the last episode was just, Thought and, and, and dinging and ding ding. And so you 

Mike: do, you do all of the editing now? Mm-hmm. Occasionally I'll edit. Right. So I, I did a couple, I think the quacks are funny. They are funny.

So, so we throw those in. But here, here's what I'm saying. Yeah. Here's what I'm saying. Yeah. I will start editing and you'll throw out, uh, a curse word that I have to quack, and then you'll do another one and then a third one. And I actually start whispering. In, because I usually do it in Panera. Uhhuh usually, oh geez.

Darren, can you calm it down? I got, cause I have to stop every time and I, and I prepare myself. I'm like, this is gonna be a topic on the next show. I'm gonna tell Darren, calm down Andrew Dice Clay. And then I start kicking in you. And then it's like we go neck to neck and then sometimes I run away with it.

I'm Sam Kennison for the episode Uhhuh. And other times you run away with it. So I we're pretty, we're 

Darin: [00:12:00] pretty even there. There. The week you were talking about Casey's. Oh my god. I haven't listen to that one. Oh, yeah. Yeah. This portion of our show is brought to you by Diff Liquid Concentrated Wallpaper Stripper.

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Mike: I'm gonna talk about what I did, almost did to this Ferrari. Okay? And I wanna get the audiences. Um, opinion. Opinion, okay. On this, okay, 

Darin: it's time now for the Kroger story of the week. [00:13:00] 

Mike: I am a firm believer in parking spaces, and by that I mean I believe they exist one parking space per car. Yes. Right? Yeah.

Oh yeah. That's the way the Good God-fearing Christian parking lots work. Absolutely. There was a Ferrari and I, I think it's a Ferrari. I don't care enough to look up the insignia, but it looked like, it didn't look like a normal Ferrari. It looked like a station wagon, but it had a Ferrari insignia on it.

It was weird looking because I was, Ferrari makes a hatchback now. Yeah. I stood out in the parking lot a, a good 30 to 40 seconds staring at it thinking, what the fuck is that Uhhuh? Cause Crockett and Tubs never drove around in that. No, but that is the insignia because it's the ferri has like the horse thing.

Yeah. Question. And it was not a Mustang. Yes. 

Darin: Okay. Uhhuh Crockett drove a Ferrari, but what was Tub's Car, uh, 

Mike: worked. Didn't they drive together? Sometimes, 

Darin: yeah, they had separate cars. Okay. They'd be like you and I, you don't, you and I don't 

Mike: drive together. Yeah. Crockett had a tester. Okay. But he, in the beginning, he had like a black, uh, okay.

Uh, uh, Ferrari. Okay. [00:14:00] Thing. Yeah. I don't know. Okay. Anyway, it wasn't one of those, it looked like the, um, Griswold's station wagon, but it had a Ferrari emblem on it. Okay. So I don't know what the hell this thing was. Okay. But whoever drove it decided that they were gonna pull halfway mm-hmm. In one space and halfway in the other.

Yeah. And that pissed me off because I'm looking for a space. Yeah. And I, I, I start to pull in and I, all of a sudden there's this bumper there and I'm like, what in the hell is going on? I go around, And I end up parking next to it. I got as close as I could to the door, so they would've trouble opening it because I don't care if somebody dings my car.

Right. But I would think that the Ferrari people would care about dinging their car. Yeah. So I at least wanted to give them a little bit of, I'm just that much of a jerk. Yeah. I go into Kroger, I do my business, I buy things, I, I come back out. Right. Yeah. And I, they're right next to the, uh, cart corral. Yeah.

Right. And I think, Hmm. I want to put [00:15:00] half the carts out of the cart. Corral in front and half in the back. Yeah. Move my car and then line another all the way around this thing. That 

Darin: sounds like a great plan. Do you agree with that? I agree with you. 

Mike: 109% so close to doing that. And I told best that and she looked at me.

Have you seen the Shining, uh, when. He is typing. Um, Jack is all, all work in no Play boy makes Jack double boy, boy. And she finds what's that's written on the typewriter and she gets that look of horror on her face because she realizes her husband is insane. Yeah. And she's stuck. That's the look that Beth gave me.

She's like, you weren't really gonna do that to somebody's car. And I said, I wasn't gonna key it. You're not, I'm not gonna ram it. Right. I'm gonna make it for them for a few minutes. Yeah. The way they did for me. Yeah. Nobody's car. Is that wonderful? No. To warrant two spaces. Spaces, 

Darin: you don't need two spots.

No. You're just being a douche. Yeah. Yeah. 

Mike: And if it is, what are you doing? Bringing your 

Darin: car to Kroger? Anyway, now on the TikTok, there's a guy who has been, uh, putting magnets. Oh, the, uh, he put a [00:16:00] magnet on people's car when they. When he catches them not returning the buggies. Okay. They, oh, I've seen, oh, they get, yes.

I've seen that guy where he get that damn magnet off my car. It's a magnet. Okay. Yes. It's not, it's not gonna scratch it. Yeah. And they get so pissed about it. And the, so there's that. But if you really wanted to be horrible. Yeah. Oh, I've seen the people who take the, the cart or the buggy. Yeah. Yeah. If you live in Tennessee.

Okay. Uh, they put that next to the handle and they zip tie it. Oh to the car that I'm like, that would be nice. Cause you're not doing anything to the car. No. Yeah. Oh, 

Mike: I'm stopping by Home Depot and getting some of those hardcore zip ties, the ones that they like hold skyscrapers together with. 

Darin: Or we can go 120 episodes back.

Mm-hmm. And you can just put a coconut on their car. And they'll go the rest of the day wondering who put a coconut on my car. 

Mike: I, so yeah, [00:17:00] two things stopped me from doing that. One was, I, I didn't wanna get caught in doing it, cuz I don't know what to say. What do you say at that point? You're a, do you have to say you're, I'm doing this cuz you're a douche bag, right?

Yeah. And Well, you're just jealous cuz you don't have a Ferrari. No, I'm, I'm not. I would like to have a Ferrari. I wouldn't have chosen this one. It's a damned hatchback. See, I have never had, what are you doing? I have 

Darin: never wanted a Ferrari. 

Mike: Yeah. Yeah. Ever. Yeah. I, I, I wanted the one that Crockett had. I like Mag PIs one better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, as far as crazy ass awesome cars. Uh, I was always partial to, um, the, the Street Hawk motorcycle. Okay. 

Darin: That's, that's not a car, that's a, that's a motorcycle. Mine, yeah. 

Mike: Yeah. An airwolf, but that's not us. Also not a car. 

Darin: This has been the Kroger story of the week I went to Chicago, the windy city, the nation's capital man, I love.

Chicago. Okay. I had so much fun. Had a great time on, did you have that 

Mike: pizza? That's like a bowl [00:18:00] of cheese? I did 

Darin: not have any pizza while I was in Chicago. Okay. I'm not a fan. Uh, there's a place here in Cincinnati, in Mason, Ohio. Mm-hmm. Called, uh, two Cities Pizza. Okay. Where you can get the Chicago deep dish style, or you could get the New York style pizza.

See if it were deep dish, 

Mike: it was all dough. I would dig that. Yeah. But it's like, The 

Darin: soup or something. For the longest time we have gone and we've always gotten the deep dish. Okay? So we went and we brought mom. We needed more pizza. And we got a deep dish and a New York style. Yeah. And I was like, I, I turned against the family.

I'm like, I prefer the New York style thin crest. Really? Over the deep dish. Yeah. I'm not Chicago style guy. That's not why you called. Uh, so I went to Chicago. I had a business, uh, trip. I went up and did a promotional trip. 

Mike: Worked in 

Darin: Chicago remotely. Yeah. My company is in Chicago. I work there remotely. You work for sales?

Sears? I, I, 

Mike: they are. Produce the Sears Tower. 

Darin: I produce, I make promos for antenna tv. Okay. And rewind tv. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm up there and I did a promotional shoot for Rewind tv, and then I did some training. Okay. And our team, [00:19:00] for the first time, uh, ever, were able to go on a team dinner Okay. To celebrate all our successes over there.

Yeah. Yeah. It was a great trip. Okay, well, um, I'm on the plane. I flew up there. Yeah. I'm on the plane. You know, the, when the passenger or when the flight attendant does the thing, the exit doors are here and here. Yeah. Use your seatbelt if the thing comes down and put it on your stuff. Yeah. To help yourself for the, the flotation device, 

Mike: all that.

Yeah. Put your head between your legs and pray and stuff. 

Darin: Exactly. So she's going through the whole thing. Okay. She's said, oh, and by the way, if anybody has something around their neck, like a, like a, a scarf or like a boa feather necklace, or perhaps a boa constrictor, if you could take that off before we take off what happened?

That would be great. Thank you so much. And I looked. And I asked to look, am I the only one who heard her say boa constrictors? Is that is am I? Was that me? Yeah. And the, the people around me were laughing. Like she said, if you have a BOA constrictor around your neck, Please. Uh, please take that off. [00:20:00] What's good advice?

Yeah. Yeah. You know, I mean, I wouldn't think you'd get through security. Hey, listen, you're gonna have to put that in your 

Mike: carry on. Well, it wouldn't set off the metal detector. 

Darin: No, no it wouldn't. I would just think that they would frown upon that. Well, these are 

Mike: sensitive times. Yeah. Nobody knows whether that's a goiter that happens to be shaped like a 

Darin: before nine 11.

You could take anything around your neck. Enough is enough. I have had it with these mother snakes on this mother. Play everybody strapp in about to open some windows. Uh, while I was in Chicago, uh, I I saw the big magic bean. Yeah, the giant metal. I don't know what it is. I don't know why it's there. It's, it's a big bean.

I don't know what has to be. Picture Chicago's got pictures of it. That's like, yeah, I, I did that. State law. Mm-hmm. Got a, you know. Yeah. Uh, went by the Hard Rock Cafe and I sent you a picture of Bono's of Vest. Mm-hmm. Uh, went and had a delicious meal at the House of Blues in Chicago. Oh my God. 

Mike: The House of Blues is awesome.

I've been, I've been to that. I've actually been to the 

Darin: House of Blues. Yeah. Yeah. Good stuff. The trip went great. [00:21:00] It's a Friday morning and I'm heading back. To the airport? Yeah. I called an Uber. Okay. I got on the phone and I said, I dialed one 800 Uber. Okay. And they sent one to my, to my hotel. Right. Okay.

Right. So, uh, uh, I, I know you don't call an Uber. Uh, I got on the app, the kids 

Mike: call. I I was about to throw a boomer 

Darin: out at you. Yeah. The, the kids call it an app. Got on the app and I said, I'm at this place, Uhhuh, I need to go to this place. Yeah. And that place was Chicago O'Hare Airport. Yeah. Boom. Confirm Uhhuh.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And then, um, and then, uh, your driver will be there in five minutes. Okay. And you gotta be, this is the craziest thing about. Uber. It says you need to wait at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're next to that point and you Oh, no. And you start spinning around your little circle, your, your uh, uh, triangle will lose its mind.

Your triangle will spin around with you. Yeah. That is messed up. Yeah. So, uh, so, and then I'm like, and then I'm standing right where I need to stand. Exactly. 1984 

Mike: bra, my triangle. You're on the [00:22:00] grid. 

Darin: My triangle is right on top of the circle. Yeah. Okay. That's what she said. I'm, I'm waiting and waiting. And the Uber finally shows up.

Uh, it's the, uh, the red Toyota 4runner. Of course. Yeah. 

Mike: That's the one you want if you're going to the airport. Guy gets 

Darin: out, I put my luggage in the car. Okay. He gets in there in the, uh, driver's seat. In the driver's seat? Yeah. Okay. And he says, um, looks at his phone. Did he offer you a mint? No. Okay. No, he did not.

He looks at his phone, he says, okay, so it looks like I'm, um, looks like I'm taking you to Martin Luther King Drive, which is 4.4 miles away. No. That's why I said, I said, no, no, no, no. I need to go to Chicago O'Hare Airport. Yeah. Yeah. To which he looks at his phone again, he goes, Google says that's, uh, Martin Luther King, 4.4 miles away, Google, which says, this is where you're going to, which I looked at my phone.

Yeah. And I looked, well, my Google says that this is the address Uhhuh, which is not 4.4 miles away, Uhhuh. And he, he. He's insistent. He's like, this is where it [00:23:00] says I'm supposed to take 

Mike: you. You were under the impression that it's up to you where you're going. That's the problem here, right? Yeah. 

Darin: Right. Okay.

And he, he, he just keeps insisting, this is where it says I'm supposed to take you. Okay. I'm 

Mike: like, how do we solve this problem? Yeah. And I'm trying to be as nice as I can be. Be We've got a car, a customer, and an address. Yeah. What could be done? What's the problem? 

Darin: Yeah. Hey, what happened? I can't go to Martin Luther King.

I need to go to the airport. Yeah. I have a 

Mike: flight. It's not like it's an odd request from a hotel. Right. One would think that they get that 

Darin: quite a bit. Right. So I said, so. Are, can you not take me to the airport? And he goes, it says I'm supposed to take you here. I'm like, okay, 

Mike: wait, let me, was there a layover on Martin Luther King Drive?

And you're supposed to get another Uber 

Darin: I know. To the airport. I dunno. I've seen Martin Luther King drive here in Cincinnati. Yeah. I don't know what it's like there in Chicago. Yeah. So I'm like, okay, thank you Uhhuh. And I got out and I got my suitcase. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm pissed. Yeah. I'm just, [00:24:00] and so everything and the trip had went fine until 

Mike: this guy, up until this, what did he do?

Did he drive away? 

Darin: He sat there for a minute. Like, like, I'm gonna change my mind. You know what? Maybe I don't really need, I've change your heart. You know what? Take me to Mark. I've heard good things about this. Yeah. You've got a 4.6 rating. What could go wrong? Yeah. So now I'm okay. I've 

Mike: only now you'd go to Lyft.

The Lyft app. Right. Okay. Because you. Cause you don't wanna get the same guy just see his phone ring and he backs 

Darin: up. I'm ready. I've only done the Uber app Uhhuh two or three times and the last time was when we went to Flower last year. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I'm rusty with it, Uhhuh. So I'm trying to figure out how to request another Uber when this one is still jacked up.

It's still in, uh, in, um, flux. Flux. Thank you. Yeah. Thank, thank you Mike. You're welcome. I eventually cleared that out. Okay. And I requested another Uber, and that guy's coming within like five or 10 minutes. Yeah, this guy shows up, okay. And again, I'm [00:25:00] flustered, I'm, I'm not in a good mood now. He comes up, opens his trunk and I said, can you take me to the airport?

And he looks at me, he says, Do you want to go to the airport? I said, yeah. He goes, well, okay, I'll take you to the airport. Just said like, like, why are you asking me? He has no, he is like, this is what I'm supposed to do and this guy's awesome. Yeah. Okay. Because you know me, when I'm in an Uber, I like to talk to people.

Yeah, I know you do. I do. And so, uh, he asked me, you know, how's everything going? Because he could tell, and I said, I was explaining to him that the last guy was a Yeah. Yeah. And that he kept insisting on taking me somewhere else and he's like, was he trying to take you to the train that takes you to the airport?

Ah. I'm like, I don't know. Yeah. I think the first guy, he may do this over and over again to people. He may, because here's where my suspicion lurks Mike. Because he could get more rides that way. No. Okay. I got billed for that ride. Oh. I got billed 13 bucks for a ride I didn't take. Oh. [00:26:00] He charged me. And it's like you go on the Uber app and it says Zero Miles Uhhuh.

And he, he got me at, at uh, 8 0 4 Uhhuh and talked to me until 8 0 9 Yeah. Or something. And so I had to, later on that evening discuss those conversation. I had to, yeah, I had to go and find where to. You know, to dispute, to lodge a dispute. Yeah. Yeah. With Uber. And they've, they dropped the charge. Yeah. They apologized 

Mike: vehemently.

So they didn't call you and ask you why you didn't go to Martin Luther King Boulevard? 

Darin: No, they didn't. So, uh, anyway, back to the second guy. I'm in the car with him and he's, uh, he's asking me all these questions. Did you enjoy your stay? I said, yeah, Chicago's been great. The people are very friendly. And he says, well, you know what?

You come off as a naturally friendly person, so you probably, uh, seek out friendly people, which I think is why you find somebody friendly people. I thought he was really nice. And then he asked me if I had any hobbies and he said that he loves to read. Okay. And so I'm talking to him about reading now.

Yeah. And again, I 

Mike: was, uh, well, you were in unfamiliar territory. [00:27:00] 

Darin: Oh, funny story about reading Uhhuh at the airport. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody and their brother is on their phone. Yeah. Yeah. I'm the only person in the airport with an actual book. You shoulda had a pipe. I was wear my smoking jacket. Yeah. I was reading my David Sedaris book, Uhhuh and everyone else had their face in their phone.

So the person who doesn't read was the only person there with a book. There you go. Any who? So I'm telling the guy that I don't. L typically read because I have a short, a very short attention span. Yeah. And I said, you know, I'll get 20 pages into a book. And then I'm like, who's Jeff? And I'll have to go back and Yeah.

He goes, I have a solution for you. Oh boy. Read shorter books. Okay. Just read books that are 20 pages long. There you go. I get to the airport Uhhuh, and we're on the plane. Yep. And, uh, we we're leaving now Uhhuh and the lady gets on there, a different lady, and she's talking about, you know, the, the thing drops and you use edit for your oxygen.

Yeah. Flotation device. She said, it's time now to turn off your cell phones or laptops if you're on your cell phone. If you're in a [00:28:00] conversation gently say goodbye. Turn off your phone, and, uh, and you can call them back later. Wow. That's, it's like, honey, listen, I love you so much. Yeah. I'm gonna get off the phone now and, uh, and I'll call you right back.

Yeah. What am I, Mr. Rogers 

Mike: gently say goodbye 

Darin: gently. 

Mike: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, 

Darin: yeah. I don't know if they're throwing in this stuff just to see if people are paying attention because like when we were in Australia, yeah. We were flying Qantas everywhere. Uhhuh, they're nuts on Qantas. Yeah, they're hilarious. They had Peter Jackson and all the Hobbits, all those guys do the airline thing.

Yeah. For for years. That's awesome. I know. That's awesome. It's pretty cool. Irritable Dad syndrome is brought to you by bone sucking mustard, and listeners like you. Thank you. 

Mike: Uh, I need to talk about, uh, the BART naked ladies. Yes, you do. 

Darin: Quickly, quickly. It's

Mike: so, uh, months ago. Mm-hmm. I saw, I, I get emails 

Darin: [00:29:00] from, I get emails too from like 

Mike: Ticketmaster and Live Nation and they're like, Hey, you like to give us tons of money. Here's some that's coming near you. How aboutt you give us some more money. Yeah. And, and so they'll list all these things and I go down through and I see bear naked ladies.

Yeah. And I sent a text to Bess. Do you have any desire to see any of these groups? She's like, oh, bare naked ladies, and it's on Saturday. That'll work. Yeah. Okay. All right. I'll get, I was like, I, we don't go to concerts that often together. Like I'm always going, you know, with, with you guys or right by myself.

Cause I'm seeing like tool right. Or gojira. And those aren't really date right. Um, worthy. No, they're not. So, I get what I consider are pretty decent seats. I'm not right up against them cuz I, they're, they're not a band. I don't need to be up on stage with 'em. Well, they're, they're 

Darin: bare naked. Yeah, yeah.

Don't, I don't need that. So I 

Mike: get these seats and then they just kind of sit there and I'm waiting, we're waiting, waiting. And it's like, holy crap. This weekend is the, Day of the, the show. Yeah, and [00:30:00] I'm actually kind of not that excited cuz I'm not a bear naked ladies fan. I got the, the one week I like the chick, the China, the Chinese chicken one week that I like that one line in that one song,

but I'm going for her. Okay. Because I think she really wants to go. Yeah. On the other hand, she doesn't really want to go. She's going because she thinks I want to go. So she texts and she's like, I don't know if I feel like going this weekend. Uh, maybe you could take Darren Uhhuh and I texted back. I don't wanna take Darren, 

Darin: no offense, 

Mike: but I, I said, I bought the ticket for you.

I want to go with you, Uhhuh. I wanna make, this is a, a date thing she said. Okay. All right. Okay. Yeah. So now there's tension a day or a day or two goes by and I'm, I'm mowing grass Uhhuh the day of the concert and I'm like, ah, I gotta go to bare naked ladies in a couple hours. I really don't want to, I gotta go in there, I gotta take a shower.

Uhhuh, there you [00:31:00] go. Put on clothes, do that thing. Yeah. And I get halfway through and I always get ha I get done with the back and I'm gonna come do the front and I see a text from her saying, Uh, something along the lines of, uh, I don't, I don't really want to go. Mm-hmm. But if you really want to go, then we can go.

Okay. But I'm not that excited about seeing the bare naked ladies. So something to that effect. Uhhuh. So then I get finished outside and I come in and I'm like, do you, you really don't care about the bare naked ladies. And she says, no, but if you want to go, I was like, I don't wanna see him at all. Oh my God.

I'm going 

because 

Darin: I thought you wanted to go. This is the equivalent of where do you want to eat? I don't know. Where do you want to eat? We can go over there. Well, if you want to, we already bought, we already bought the damn tickets, but it's like, if you want to eat there, we'll eat there. So. Well, I thought you wanted to eat there.

So I'm like, okay, except it's $180 sandwich. 

Mike: I'm like, okay, we gotta get rid of these damn things, Uhhuh. So I text and call you Uhhuh and you're something about, it's not even [00:32:00] the original guy. One of which I was like, okay, I don't even, absolutely. Yeah. 

Darin: One of the, I'm not gonna go see him. One of it was the duo and then, uh, the.

Uh, uh, one of the guys is no longer part of the bare naked 

Mike: leaves. He left, so, yeah, and I told Best that, she's like, well, the hell with him then I don't, she's like, do you want me to put it on the buy Nothing cult group that she's in? I'm like, no. The cult group. These were $90 a piece a piece. Tickets, Uhhuh tickets.

Tickets, yeah. I'm gonna sell 'em on Ticketmaster. So Ticketmaster has the thing where you can just sell 'em directly on their thing. I say, they say, what do you want? I offered them to you for $90 For both of 'em. Yeah. I'm like, I'll put it on Ticketmaster 45. That's almost half off. $45 a ticket. Uhhuh. And it came back and said, you will receive $0.

I said, you must charge 76 point something dollars per ticket. And my first thought was, why? Nobody's gonna pay that much for bare naked ladies, even though I did. Even though you did. 

Darin: So I put in, it would be crazy enough to buy [00:33:00] these 

Mike: tickets. So then I put in that number. I put in that number and then a screen came up and said, are you sure?

Yes. And it showed a graph that showed the median price for tickets in this section are $45, which led to the whole host of questions for me. That's what you tried to Primary. Primary of which being, why did you charge me 90? If most tickets in this section cost 45. Yeah. Hey. And then they said I would receive 60 something dollars per ticket.

I don't need $60 per ticket, so I, I want 45 per ticket. Mm-hmm. So I figured I'll subtract $15 from that and I'll charge $60 a ticket. Still way too much for them people, uhhuh, but it'll get me what I originally wanted. And when I put that in, it came back, it said you will get $0. So it was forcing me to at least charge $76 and something cents and we did Uhhuh and nobody bought 'em.

And nobody bought 'em. [00:34:00] Okay. 

Darin: And then why didn't you call like somebody else? Like, like the Michaels? I don't have any friends. Yep. Then, oh, I keep forgetting I'm your 

Mike: only friend. Then those emailed me and said, how was the show?

You know, I didn't go to the show. Ticketmaster knows I didn't go to the show, 

Darin: and you always give me, because I don't like current technology. I don't like, cuz 

Mike: I was talking about how well it would be even worse if I had paper tickets cuz then I have to 

Darin: take it to something or to someone I know, but I was talking about how when I go to a concert, I don't like having it on the phone.

Okay. I don't like having it on the phone because when we went to that marching band competition and we're trying to unload some tickets, it was like trying to pass a bill through Congress. Yeah. Well I could have gone if I just had the tickets. I could have just sold them to somebody. Yeah. 

Mike: While I was there.

I could have driven down there, but part of the reason I didn't wanna get down there is cuz I didn't wanna drive River. I do not like Riverbend. I don't, I I don't mind it. It's okay. Yeah. If you get an aisle seat. But we were in the pavilion, which I told Beth says Nice. I said, maybe we [00:35:00] can go just, we'll be in the P pavilion and they have beer.

We'll go and we'll have a beer. Yeah. And neither of like, we stare at each other. Like, I don't want to drive anywhere, 

Darin: so. So next time. What you guys need to do. Well, and look, I I'm no marriage expert. Yeah, yeah. But should, should 

Mike: talk about it. You guys need to be open about your feelings. We did, we did talk about it Uhhuh.

So I bought her her tickets. I bought her tickets to another show. Oh God. Which one? Towed the wet sprocket. And does she want to go to that? And I verified. Do you want to go to that? I'm going for her. Okay. I like that song. They have, uh, walk to the Water. Okay. Uh, and I verified both Toad and Wet Sprocket are still in the band.

Oh, good. And it's at the Taft Theater. Right. And then when this hit, when we both accepted, we both said we just paid $180 to not seed bare naked ladies. Yeah. We laughed and then she said, do you really want to go see Toad? I was like, you're going to see Toad. Yeah. That was a birthday present. Mm-hmm. You've talked about Toad [00:36:00] since the nineties.

Yep. And she's like, I really like one or two songs. I was like, we're going to see Toad, the Wet SP Rock. That's what we're doing. Yeah. We're going to do that. 

Darin: So I just remember at least I forgot to go see big, bad Boo daddy bought the tickets. And two weeks after the show I'm like, oh, I forgot to go to the concert.

Mike: So the whole night, I, I, I'm not a, I'm not a person that like worries or, or constantly. Thinks about that kind of stuff. Yeah. Like I just lost this amount of money, but I did that night, uh, Diablo four came out, new game, Uhhuh, I'm a Diablo freak, so I'm like, ah, I had some time to play Diablo four. And while the concert was going, I was, I was thinking, I'm spending $180 right now to sit here and play this instead of sit and watch the non.

Bare naked ladies. Right. At least only one of the ladies is there. Uhhuh. The other one, they kicked outta the band. Yeah. We'd like to thank you for listening. Yes. To irritable dad syndrome. Mm-hmm. With Mike and Darren, or irritable dad syndrome with Darren and Mike. [00:37:00] Right. We go 

Darin: both ways. Cincinnati's.

Comedy podcast, 

Mike: Cincinnati's Comedy podcast. Mm-hmm. If you like what we do or if you don't, go to irritable dad syndrome.com. Mm-hmm. You can listen to all of our episodes there. Every one of 'em. Hey, here's a thought. You could subscribe to the show. Yeah. And then it would just like show up in whatever app you're listening to.

Then you don't 

Darin: have to go seek it out. Yeah. And download it. It just gives 

Mike: it to you. So go to your nearest computer, ask your grandson to get on http, www colon slash slash www. That stands for Worldwide Web uhhuh. Dot irritable dead syndrome, all lowercase. Those are the small letters. Okay. The show 

Darin: used to be an hour.dot com and this was gonna be an hour.

And 

Mike: you hit enter. Enter. Wait a minute cuz it's if it is the first time. There's a lot of graphics on there. If 

Darin: you see a thing, little thing spinning around. 

Mike: Wait, just wait it out, out. It's okay. It'll be fine. It's okay. It'll be just fine. And you'll click the newest episode? Yeah. All those little app uhhuh things are there.

Oh yeah, yeah. You can click one. Yeah. And then just go ahead and subscribe. Yeah. And then leave out of review. [00:38:00] Somewhere. Come on, please tell and share it with people that you know and people that you love. 

Darin: A friend of mine, yeah. Do you remember when I told the story about Donny breaking his foot? Mm-hmm.

And my neighbor, the girl who lived next door to me mm-hmm. Who was the doc studying to be a doctor? Yeah. Well, she still listens to our podcast. Okay. And she sent a message to us the other day. Uh, she says, I love you guys. You guys are hilarious. And she hasn't. She's like missed the past few and she's gonna catch up.

But she wanted to let me know that she loves our podcast. That's wonderful. So Jennifer, thank you for saying 

Mike: that, Jennifer. I, Jennifer, really appreciate it. Awesome. Could you put that in a review and, and post it? Would it kill you? Would it kill you to click the little five star thing and, and make it, make it official?

Yeah. Yeah. 

Darin: Thanks Jennifer. We'll see you guys next time on Irritable Dad syndrome. Well, the show is over. Then I'm going to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. I make mine with Texas Toast Cheddar, Colby, and American Cheese. Two pieces of hickory smoked bacon, and a big ass slice of tomato. Mm, [00:39:00] we'll see you next time.

Talk. Just, yeah. Check test. One, two. Testing, 1, 2, 3. No, no. I 

Mike: wasn't telling you to talk. Oh, I'm, oh, I'm sorry. I'm talking. This thing's not, 

Darin: I'm just trying to make you happy, Mike. That's fine. I'm just trying to make you happy.