IDS #227 - It's Like Tarzan, But With Robots

Mike and Darren discuss irritable dad syndrome on this week's show

>> Mike: All right.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember last week we said you can't force the cold open?

>> Mike: Yeah. You can't do it.

>> Darin: Maybe we should have tried tonight. I mean, Chuck E. Cheese is rough. I don't know if you've been there in a while.

>> Mike: They look like they're trying to go out of business and they can't have. They filed for bankruptcy and they're still open.

>> Darin: They called blockbusters and they're like, how do you get out? We want out.

>> Dave: Welcome to irritable dad syndrome. After we record this episode, we are all going out for ice cream. Please welcome your hosts, Mike and Darren.

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Darren.

>> Mike: I'm Mike.

>> Darin: Welcome to irritable dad syndrome.


Since today's comedy podcast, this is episode 227

Since today's comedy podcast, this is episode 227.

>> Mike: We are excited that you're here. Not there, exactly. Because if you were there, you wouldn't be here.

>> Darin: You wouldn't be here.

>> Mike: And here's where it's at.

>> Darin: Here is where it's at.

>> Mike: I'm going to talk about the fact that Bess intimidated someone to the point where they had to stop smoking and give up their parking space.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And we also almost got kicked out of Topgolf, Charlie's birthday party.

>> Darin: That takes effort. I've m seen people in Topgolf.

>> Mike: We did well.

>> Darin: Okay. And I'm going to talk about years, ago when David Letterman had his late show with David Letterman show on CB's, on his website. They had a top ten contest and I entered that thing, many times and I won several times. Tonight I'm going to read one of those top ten lists.


Before we get started, I want to talk about fondant, and I hate it

>> Mike: Before we get started, I want to talk about fondant, and I hate it and it sucks.

>> Darin: Fondant.

>> Mike: Fondant.

>> Darin: Is that the thing you dip the cheese in?

>> Mike: No. well, it might be m. It's what I think that icing is called that looks like plastic and it cuts like. What's it called? Fondant, I think.

>> Darin: I'm thinking fondue.

>> Mike: Fondue is the dip of, melted cheese.

>> Darin: Fondant.

>> Mike: Fondant.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Fondant is this weird plastic icing. You've seen these cakes that are just too perfect to be real. Not the not to not. We think it's cake. Not that.

>> Darin: Yes, I know what you're talking about.

>> Mike: But it's like a plasticky. Yes, it's edible. You can't eat it.

>> Darin: You don't want to.

>> Mike: Every time one of these cakes comes around.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: There's always somebody. They may not even be in your group. Somebody in the room that you're in. Is going to tell you that that's edible icing, right?

>> Darin: You don't. It tastes horrible.

>> Mike: Yeah. And, it's offensive to me. Okay, so we got a cake for Charlie's birthday, and it had the fondant.

>> Darin: Fondant.

>> Mike: Fondant. I just want a nice buttercream icing that will clog your arteries, take years off my life. I don't want to saw through plastic.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Well, we, we used to watch the show. Nailed it.

>> Mike: Mm

>> Darin: Okay. M have you ever watched nailed it? Oh, my God. We. We burned through, like, I don't know, three seasons in a weekend. Couldn't stop watching it, even though the host was annoying as hell. But the co host, Jacques Pierre Cole song don't. Or whatever, he was the professional chef. All right. And so every single episode, they would show the elaborate cake, and this is what the people are trying to make, and they would ask, Jacques, how do you make this? Well, first you mix the buttercream with this.

>> Mike: You almost m transformed.

>> Darin: You put the butter in with the powdered sugar.

>> Mike: Is he czechoslovakian?

>> Darin: No, he's French.

>> Mike: French. French. I was trying to.

>> Darin: Czechoslovakian?

>> Mike: Yeah. I just wanted to see if I could say that word.

>> Darin: Jacques. Yeah, that sounds czech to me.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So he would always say, you take the buttercream, you make the icing, you take the powdered sugar, then you m make the mold, and then you make the fondant. The way he described how to make the fondant, it's almost like trying to tell either of us how to tie your shoes.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Oh, I can do that. Yeah.

>> Mike: You take the legos, you melt them down, you spread them on the cake.

>> Darin: Exactly.

>> Mike: That's what it is.

>> Darin: And it was always impossible. That's why nobody could make anything on that show.

>> Mike: Well, that's like those stupid.


One to 2% of our funny videos end up on TikTok

So we're on the TikTok. If you, by the way, if you don't follow us on the TikTok, you're missing out.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: It takes all this. So this is. We're gonna spend about an hour trying to extract a 45 minutes show out of this. And out of all of that, there probably be 30 to 40 seconds. That's actually funny for tick tock.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And one to 2% of those funny things end up as TikTok videos on our TikTok channel. So you can go check that out.

>> Darin: Follow us on TikTok.

>> Mike: But you ever seen the rest? Because they. They try to show cooking a full Thanksgiving dinner, right. In, like, a minute. And you'll throw a bowl. We'll throw down. Then a potato will fly in there, a salt, butter, somebody will go, and then it's mashed potatoes right there. And then they always end with the goofy bastard spooning the stuff into his face and doing a thumbs up or chowing down on the whatever thing they just made and giving the goofy thumbs up. And you look up the recipe and there's like 20,000 ingredients.

>> Darin: I know.

>> Mike: let it simmer for 30 days.

>> Darin: You know, I've made a Thanksgiving dinner by myself before.

>> Mike: Have you?

>> Darin: Yeah. When Jacob was little, my mom came to visit, and, mom and Libby were doing something with Jacob. He was pretty involved at the time.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And I'm like, you ladies sit back. And I did, I did the turkey, I did the mashed potatoes, I did the green bean casserole, I heated up the ham, and I did the rolls and turkey. Oh, yeah, yeah. A little bit of ham. Okay, rich guy, I know you can't hide money. Yeah. Ah.

>> Mike: So did you think about stuffing the ham in the hammurky?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Ah. Gobbled gobble dora ter ham. Like we should get canceled for that.

>> Darin: But it's, Ah, I mean, I did it, but I certainly. It wasn't easy enough to explain how I did it in a minute.

>> Mike: And you did it without using any fondant?

>> Darin: That's no fondant at all. I like the way he turned that around.

>> Mike: Yeah. It's like a callback to just like about 30 seconds ago.


Darren says he has alternating esotropia, which affects both eyes

>> Darin: Hey, I wanted to mention before I got here, uh-huh I went and you have contacts. but m you also wear glasses, right?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. So last week I had to go to the eye doctor and get my, subscription repaired for my glasses. That's what I said.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: So I go and they do the eye check ab twelve. Which is better? This and this and this and this. I mentioned before that this is the eye doctor where I went. And I think I really pissed off the lady who works there because I think, I wasn't a intending to, but I think it sounded like I was mansplaining something to her because I told her what alternating esotropia was. And she said, I know what that is.

>> Mike: Wait, what is what?

>> Darin: Alternating esotropia is what I have. I can't focus on one object with both eyes at the same time. Yeah, it's either left eye or right eye. They don't focus on it at the same time.

>> Mike: Where I'm from, we call that cockeye.

>> Darin: I found out that I don't have a lazy eye. I have. I have a cross eye?

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah. Anyway.

>> Mike: Did I just. Did I offend you with the cockeye?

>> Darin: No, I've heard it before.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Steve Ferrell says, I have a wonky eye, and it should come up in the comments any second now. So I go and I get a new, subscription. And I went. I did. I didn't. That's what I said.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I didn't get new frames. And I realized. Hold on.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: When I was a kid, I remember I went to the eye doctor, and there was a man there. He had to been 90, and he was getting new glasses. And m the lady says, well, mister happenstance. Mister happenstance. Yeah. you're here for new glasses.

>> Mike: He's Czechoslovakia.

>> Darin: He's from the Czech Republic. And she says, what type of frames do you want? And he takes off his 45 year old pair of glasses. He goes, these. I want these. I want these frames. And he just like, screw this. I don't want anything to do with finding new frames. Put them in here. Right? I've turned into that guy.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. I hate looking for a glasses frames.

>> Mike: You can make yourself look like an idiot really fast with glasses.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: You can pick the wrong kind.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah. You can get the big, big ass Elton John ones.

>> Mike: Or you can say, well, Tom Cruise, when he wore these in that movie, he looked really cool. So those are sunglasses.

>> Darin: Those are aviators.

>> Mike: That's why I get so dark when I try that.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So you were explaining to your eye doctor an eye issue.

>> Darin: And here's the thing. It's like, when she was talking to me, I was telling her what alternating esotropia was. I wanted her to know that I knew what it was.

>> Mike: Yeah, right.

>> Darin: And then she says, yeah, I know what that is. And it really sounded like I was mansplaining. Long story short, flash forward to last week. I go in there, she wasn't there. Yeah, but the guy who worked the front desk was there. He's like, oh, hey, this is Darren. Remember I told you last time he was here? He thought he pissed off.

>> Mike: What's your favorite?

>> Darin: I'm like, you don't have to. And here I am telling everybody all over it again. But he just, like, brought it up to everybody.

>> Mike: Yeah.


Darren Cox says he got new lenses but kept his old frames

>> Darin: Anyway, I go in today, and I got new, lenses, but I kept my frames.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Because I like these frames.

>> Mike: I think it's okay. Those are nice frames. Those are Darren frames.

>> Darin: I love my frames. I'm not ready to get a new pair of frames, so I hate getting new frames. I hate trying on jeans, and I hate, I hate trying on shoes. I hate to going and buying new shoes.

>> Mike: I found my jean, about seven years ago, and I get the same brand, the same type. The only thing I've changed is the color, color, color, color. And longtime listeners will know that I went on a rant about black jeans and how much they suck and how much more the people who wear them suck.

>> Mike: And then probably the next Friday after that episode, I went and replaced all my jeans with black jeans. And I love them.

>> Darin: I have one pair of black jeans.

>> Mike: I get it.

>> Darin: I wear those to fancy occasions, like if we go to the ballet.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: I went today to pick up my lenses. And, I said, yeah, I'm here to pick up my lenses, which is why I was there. And so she says, have a seat over there. Guy comes over, can I help you? I said, yeah, I'm Darren Cox, I need to pick up my lenses. He says, okay, great. He gets the lenses, comes over and hands them to me in a bag. Here you go. What happened? And I just looked at him like.

>> Mike: A do it yourself glasses. Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: I looked at him and I just took up my frames like, like, can you do it?

>> Mike: Would you get your glasses at Ikea?

>> Darin: He just, he just handed me the lenses.

>> Mike: Just give you a little swedish cartoon with a guy putting glass in the frame.

>> Darin: I don't even have one of those, little, ah, itty bitty, teeny weeny, itsy bitsy screwdrivers. Yeah, I used to. I've lost it. Cause it's so small. That's what she said.

>> Mike: I have one.

>> Darin: Yeah, it's called a tweaker.

>> Mike: Every time I don't need it, I know exactly where it is. And then when my glasses are loose, I can't find it anywhere.

>> Darin: I have a little, like, an overnight toiletry bag. When I go on vacation or on a trip or something, I keep my deodorant, toothpaste and all that. I used to have it in there. And it's gone. Yeah, I suspect Jacob took it. He may have, probably. Anyway, I handed him my frames and it took him like ten minutes to put him in.

>> Mike: As a professional, it would have taken.

>> Darin: Me an hour and a half at least to get him in there. And then they've been all, wonky. But anyway, I got new lenses. How you doing?

>> Mike: So I have new contacts.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And I can see better than I have in the past 20 years.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah. Isn't that amazing? Here's what I did when you can actually see.

>> Mike: Well, you know how the person asks you, which looks better, a or b? I never told the truth on those. And I'll tell you why.

>> Darin: Why? Because do you not want to see?

>> Mike: Because I've accepted issues. I've just accepted that I would see, like, little blurry edges on things because I'm getting older, and this time I am. I realized after I got there.

>> Darin: You'Re the smartest stupid person I know.

>> Mike: Here. It's an anxiety. I swear. It's an anxiety thing. I it's some, I'll blame it on some eye doctor from ages ago that nobody can check up on from. Nobody can ask from Czechoslovakia, who said, yeah, you just, you have astigmatism, so you get a little bit of blurry here and a little blurry. It's just normal. Right. So I just accepted that that's normal. And I've always seen a little blurry on the edges of text. Not a big deal. Just, it's just there.

>> Darin: Just noticeable.

>> Mike: Yeah.


Mike M went to the same eye doctor I've been going to forever

And then I noticed it when I went, to the ear, I noticed that I could, like, some sections of it looked a little blurry. And people were talking about how clear everything was. It's like the next time I go get my eyes checked, I'm going to not leave that chair until I can see it. Just sounds crazy. What a goal, right? But I said, it's the same eye doctor I've been going to forever. And she's just saying, she's like, one or two. And I said, I literally said this. Normally I would choose one, but I'm going to on this one. And she paused for a significant amount of time, and she said, okay. And then it was a b. And I did it again. I'm like, a looks better than b.

>> Mike: So I went with it.

>> Darin: So what?

>> Mike: And I went with, all through a, you know, how the letters look, how letters look, how they're supposed to look sharp.

>> Darin: I do know how I went with.

>> Mike: All the instances where they were sharp and I said no to all the ones that they were blurry. And I was filled with anxiety that I would get to the end when she, because, you know, they do one eye at an eye at a time.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: You're looking at me like I'm a science experiment over here.

>> Darin: You are.

>> Mike: And you just are. Mike M they, she got both eyes dialed in. And I was really proud of myself.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I was. I was so happy with my decisions to this point.

>> Mike: And then they do the thing where they have, they show you the two lines that aren't all wonky.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then you got it. They're moving them. And then this is for the video portion of pocket. They're moving them. And then you have to say, that's captivating video. You have to say, stop when they're lined up.

>> Darin: Oh, they don't do that. Oh. Because I can't see. It's the same time.

>> Mike: I thought, here it is.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I've made it this far. And this is where I'm gonna screw it up. I'm gonna walk them. And then, hello. I'm going to get weird eyes. And I told her where it looked like they were lined up. I told her then, huh? And she locked them in. And then she did that thing. You know, you almost hear that when they, like, take the thing away and then they show you the, the text. That's like the smallest that can, it's like micro print.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: From across the alley there. And I looked at it, and I could see all of it. And I just blurted them out before she even asked. And she's like, oh. She's like, you're, you're doing a little better than 2020. And I was like, yes.

>> Darin: Suck it, blindness.

>> Mike: But then I thought, you know, the manufacturers are not going to be able to reproduce that experience. And I put these in. Now here's the problem. When I put these contacts in, I can't see for about 20 minutes. I can't, I'm not safe to leave the house. I have so much astigmatism. They've got to rotate the right way. There's little notches there that when you blink, they slowly align.

>> Darin: Okay. I used to have contacts that had a little, or they were flat on the bottom. Okay, so you knew where to put them in.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: yeah. Really?

>> Mike: These are not, they have, like, little notches.

>> Darin: God, I hated my contact.

>> Mike: It's like a little lip in there. If you look at, hold it up, it's like a little human diggie.

>> Darin: It's like a human diggie.

>> Mike: Yeah. And then as you blink, it'll align itself.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And after about 20 minutes, it's like, yeah, I can see. And I've been looking at stuff a lot, like, around the house, like those lights.

>> Darin: Honey, have you seen this?

>> Mike: All of that, like, okay, look at all those, all those, like, movies and stuff over there.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: I could see individual. I can. Almost the last of us. I could. I know where the last of us is.


Don't lie at the eye doctor. For more than 20 years, I've been lying

If you'd asked me a couple of weeks ago.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Hey, Mike, where's the last of us. And I told Bess this, and she's like, don't you tell him the truth all the time. I'm like, it gets to a point where I've gone too far down the road.

>> Darin: Just baffle me. You are just a, piece of work.

>> Mike: For more than 20 years, I've been lying in the eye doctors. This last time, I thought, I'm only hurting myself. Uh-huh. Kids, the moral of the story.

>> Darin: Don't lie at the eye doctor.

>> Mike: Don't lie at the eye doctor. You're just cheating yourself. I think about all the. I haven't seen.

>> Darin: Vision can be yours. I told the other, I can see.

>> Mike: Andrew from across the yard now. Oh, wow. I can pick him out in a lineup.

>> Darin: Which kid is yours? Beats me. I hope he's doing good.

>> Mike: It's amazing.

>> Darin: No. Cause, you know, they did a or b, and I will. I'm like, those look the same to me.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And he says, okay. And then he do another. And then there's a couple times where he goes, you know, one or two, and I'm like, they look the same, except two is a little further to the right. And I'm like, what's that about? Well, yeah, and I was trying to. It's like, So then I started wondering, am I seeing everything a little bit to the right, or is think. Or they just walking into walls on.

>> Mike: The left side all the time.

>> Darin: Not that far. Just enough to. That's like, if I was, like, if I was throwing darts.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Then I would be like, okay.

>> Mike: Always just to the left of the bullseye.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he explained it to me. And he also explained why when you squint, it's easier to see. Because it's like the. It's called the pinhole effect.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. Less light gets in. I don't know.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But, these new lenses, I can see better, too. Yeah. Yeah.

>> Mike: It's amazing.

>> Darin: Yeah. I had to tell them. They asked me why I was there. Why else would I go to the eye doctor? So I can see better and hear too good. Oh, I'm in the wrong place. I should have read the sign.

>> Mike: I don't think much.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I still have my glasses that have the prescription from, my days of deception. So now I've got to get those fixed. It's not that. It's.

>> Darin: I don't want you to think Cruz movie right there.

>> Mike: Don't think that you. I don't want you to think that I'm blind. It's just a little tinge. It's like I see a little bit of a fuzzy around things.

>> Darin: My biggest problem with vision is when I'm watching tv and one of the actors on one of our favorite, or maybe even one of our shows, it's not our favorite, but they'll get a text, and they hold up the phone, and they're reading the text. They're like, son of a bitch. And I'm like, what did it say? And then he's like, I don't know. And then we had to pause it or rewind the tv, and I had to walk over the tv.

>> Mike: Oh, no.

>> Darin: Oh, it, was a text from Sarah that she said, I can't believe you did that. And then Libby's like, can't believe you did what? I don't know. I'm looking at this at the same time that you are.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I don't know what he did.

>> Mike: She's driving while she's texting.


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She's not gonna explain everything.

>> Darin: Don't do that. Don't text and drive.

>> Dave: Kids, this portion of irritable dad syndrome is brought to you by. Gee, your hair smells terrific. The perfect shampoo for ladies who love to look and smell their best.

>> Darin: That's right.

>> Dave: Now back to the show.


Welcome back. The Halloween haunt is in Mason, Ohio

>> Darin: Welcome back.

>> Mike: Welcome back. We went to the haunt.

>> Darin: The Halloween haunt.

>> Mike: Halloween. Haunted. King's island.

>> Darin: Kings island.

>> Mike: Wow. They really do it up. And this time, I could see it with all the mist. Uh-huh. I could pick those ghouls and ghosts out really quickly. So, for those of you who don't know what the haunt is, it's basically Kings island is our, amusement park.

>> Darin: And it's in lovely Mason, Ohio.

>> Mike: Yeah. And then it starts sometime in September, goes through October, through Halloween. And I think, like, the first weekend in November, they show up.

>> Darin: No, this year, it stops at, like, October 26 or something.

>> Mike: Really?

>> Darin: Yeah. It doesn't go till Halloween day, stupid, because Halloween day is on a Thursday, and they're not open during the week. Well, it should be.

>> Mike: Halloween is in the name. Halloween house.

>> Darin: Yes. Should it be open on.

>> Mike: Well, here's what they do.

>> Darin: Hey, talk to your state senator.

>> Mike: So, typically, when you go to an amusement park, everything's bright and sunny, and you got music in the background, people walking around with cotton candy and smiles.

>> Darin: Yeah. Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: And when you go to the haunt, m it's dark, there's fire shooting up. There's metal, like death metal. And then they have, like, the mist is really well done. I was really blown away by the mist, certain sections you're going through, and.

>> Darin: I've been to, honey, do you see the mist? You're the first person I've ever talked to.

>> Mike: It was great.

>> Darin: Impressed by mist.

>> Mike: Well, we don't live in a very misty area. It's not like we live in Transvaal. Transport. Seattle. We're in bum slapped, Ohio.

>> Darin: This is the coolest damn mist I've ever seen.

>> Mike: But then they have people that work for Kings island that are dressed up really well, like zombies and whatever. And so you go into the haunt with the understanding that people will jump out at you and scream and. Yeah, and all this stuff. But there's, like, certain sections where they do that more than others, where most of the mist is. I learned that just this last visit.

>> Darin: Beware.

>> Mike: And we did the one thing you're supposed to do, you have to do at the haunt, which is ride the beast in the dark.

>> Darin: Oh, it goes faster in the dark.

>> Mike: It does.

>> Darin: It does.

>> Mike: we were.

>> Darin: Craig Augustine, who's been on our show, told me that roller coasters are faster at night, and I thought he was full of it.

>> Mike: They are.

>> Darin: Yeah, he told me. Because the cold, and then the metal shrinks a little bit, and they do go faster.

>> Mike: Exactly. Yes. Science. We went to the hunt on Saturday. We got into the line for the beast Thursday, night, and finally got onto it on Saturday. That's a long, like, all the little extra areas. So we were in there forever, but it was amazing.


Cameron was afraid of almost everything when he was little

But the most, intense part of the trip came when we were arriving. So there was good, nice weather this past weekend.

>> Darin: Yeah, beautiful.

>> Mike: and everybody in Cincinnati, Columbus, Dayton, Indianapolis, Louisville, Denver, Lexington, Chattanooga, Maine, Shreveport, New York City, bung port, Los Angeles or Los Angeles, Portland. All of them, Czechoslovakia. They all went to Kings Island, Winnipeg. So we've got a little cheat code that we use. Okay, where we go right through where you go in, and we immediately just turn left, right, where they put all the Winnebagos and rvs, where they're cooking meth over there by the invertigo.

>> Darin: Right, right.

>> Mike: We park over there because no one ever parks there. Well, we go over there, and it's, like, full. There's, like, people in the grass. Yeah, yeah. And Bess is driving m. And we're literally in the last lane, and we see a guy coming out by his car, and I hear Bess say, hey, are you leaving? She was just asking. I'm hamming it up. She was being nice.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: But his reaction was like, she said it that way. His reaction, he's like, in the middle of a cigarette. No, no, I was just smoking. I can leave. you, need space.

>> Darin: I can.

>> Mike: She's like, well, I can. I could use the space. And he's like. He puts a cigarette out. Uh-huh. Gets in his car and leaves, and we pull into his space. I was like, you intimidated that man.

>> Darin: Hey, I already.

>> Mike: He may have just gotten there for all we know.

>> Darin: Hey, his family may still be at the park.

>> Mike: The funny part is, we weren't even waiting for that spot.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: There was another spot, like, right in front of him that was opening up. Way to go. Best we got it. That seemed like it was gonna be a longer story than what it was. We talked more about the optometrist than we did best.

>> Darin: Intimidating some when Cameron was little. And Cameron, if you're listening to this buddy, I'm sorry, but he went through a phase where he was afraid of almost everything.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: and it started with the monkey and toy story three.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: That monkey scared the living out of him. And it's like, you know, mom lived in Tennessee at the time. She would call us up and, hey, how's everything? How's it going, everybody? He's like, hi, Nana. I don't like the monkey in toy Story three. Here's Jacob and he. And so when we were watching a movie, if he thought there was something scary, he would cover his ears. I don't know why he didn't cover his eyes.

>> Mike: Wrong sense there.

>> Darin: Wrong sense. He's the guy who went to the eye doctor because his ears hurt. Yeah. So we went to Halloween haunt one night. okay. And we're like, Cameron, we are gonna be on guard. Okay. We had a kill circle around.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: We were on three sides of them, always watching. And we're talking, and we're trying to figure out what ride we're gonna ride next. And this ghoul starts.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Sneaking up. He was like, creepy crawling coming up. And I looked at him. No.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And he goes, okay. And turned around.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But I just know.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Jacob's like. I was like, superman. Holy crap, mom, did you see that?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Dad just looked at him and said, no.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I was like, no, by God, I'm protecting my kids.

>> Mike: Yeah, we take care of my kids. Yeah. I don't know if many people know this, but zombies and ghouls aren't real.

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: These zombies and ghouls that you see at the haunt. Huh? It's just a. It's just a dude.


You remember Mike Soproni? He works at the cable council in Dayton

Just some guy or dudette.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Dressed up, you know. And they had one that was, he was awesome. He had rollerblades. Uh-huh. And he had this, like, Flint.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And he would skate really fast and skid to a stop and strike the flint across the walkway and make, like, sparks and fire shoot up.

>> Darin: Nice. Nice.

>> Mike: And he did that in front of a bunch of people. They all screamed, every, themselves, everything. And then he just started walking over towards me, like, like, at me, but, like, not looking at me. And I'm like, aha. Here we go. No, I was like, dude, come on, man. What do you. And then he stood next to me. I got a picture at best. Posted a picture I saw. That's, that's, that's the dude. And he. I was like, just, you know, we'll get a picture with the guy.

>> Darin: I thought that was Andrew for a second, but then I got my new glasses.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was Andrew, too. I thought, like, get a picture of me and Andrew. But, yeah, you could just, you could just tell them no. And they have boo. No boogle things.

>> Darin: You got to pay for those.

>> Mike: What the hell?

>> Darin: Yeah. A and we're like, we're not going to pay for that because we already pay enough.

>> Mike: Yeah, you've got the dad finger and.

>> Darin: No, no.

>> Mike: See, the ones that you can see coming up to you, they don't bother me. It's the ones that are, like, hiding behind trees and hiding m behind. We went to the area 51 where the, yes. Orion. And there was a weed lady. She was dressed up like a.

>> Darin: She was selling weed.

>> Mike: No, I don't think she was.

>> Darin: Okay, well, she had, like, we're in Ohio. They're all selling weed.

>> Mike: What's that thing in stranger things called the demogorgon.

>> Darin: The demogorgon?

>> Mike: Yeah. Looks like a weird flesh flower.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: She had that.

>> Darin: You know, I was in a band called Flesh Flower.

>> Mike: I bet you were.

>> Darin: It's not a bad thing for a band, actually.

>> Mike: It's not.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: But she was just standing by all these containers, and then she would just go that, you know.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And it was like she kind of blended in with them.

>> Darin: So years ago, I went to Halloween haunt with my buddy Mike Ciproni. You remember Mike Soproni? He works at the cable council in Dayton, where this podcast used to air on cable access television. So Mikey and I, we went to, Halloween haunt.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And, he was in line to get something, some food, or something. And I was meeting up with him, and there was a ghoul walking toward him. I ran up behind him. Scared the crap out of one of the guys that worked there. By the way, speaking of cable council and cable access television, I am on the newest version of Halloween Spooktacular.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: I've been part of this show for 16 or 17 years. Okay. What they do on cable access television in Dayton, in the greater Dayton, Ohio area is, there's three horror movies that they run back to back to back, and then kind of like mystery science theater 3000, except they don't talk over the movie. They shoot these scenes that start, and then in between each movie, and there's like a little story that's being told in between each movie. I am the star of it this year, and we had, I'm trying to remember how many people, could not do the project that were originally able to do it. And we. So it's so bad that they got me and Jim Bucher, who used to be a tv star in Dayton. He and I host this year's Halloween Spooktacular. And if you'd like to see it, you can go online and stream it. So you go to backslash Backslash vod dot MVCC m dot Video colon 8080 Backslash Cablecast public site Backslash show Backslash 16640 question mark site equal four. Check it out. Halloween spooktacular 2024. And no.


You won many Emmy awards. This show has wondez what are called Philo awards

Okay, you mentioned last week you, you, actually bragged about me a little bit that I have won, Emmy awards.

>> Mike: You won many Emmy awards.

>> Darin: This show has wondez what are called Philo awards. Philo T. Farnsworth. set up this thing where community television gets awards for, excellence in community television. I've got three Filo awards. There you go.

>> Mike: It's like a celebrity in this.

>> Darin: I know, right? Ah, check it out. Halloween spooktacular 2024.


This portion of our show is brought to you by the four slice toaster

>> Dave: This portion of our show is brought to you by the four slice toaster. Hi, I'm Dave Laydena, and my family loves toast. Back in the day, before all this podcast money rolled in, I had a two slice toaster, and me and my family were just miserable. By the time the third and fourth piece of bread was toasted, the first and second pieces were already cold. And who needs that crap, am I right? Get a four slice toaster and your breakfast will be a thousand times better. The four slice toaster is also perfect for bagels, english muffins, frozen waffles, pop tarts. The list goes on and on. The four slice toaster available wherever quality small kitchen appliances are sold.


Darren: I keep falling asleep during the movie. There's nothing about the movie that would warrant me falling asleep

>> Darin: We went to the movies, did you? Yeah, I haven't been to the movie. And since,

>> Mike: Oppenheimer.

>> Darin: No, since, Wolverine and Wolverine and Dead. We went to see the wild robot.

>> Mike: I don't even know what that is.

>> Darin: The wild robot. It's the latest motion, picture from Dreamworks. It's about the robot that, goes wild.

>> Mike: Robots gone wild.

>> Darin: It's too hot for tv.

>> Mike: Should show his lug nuts. Check out this carburetor.

>> Darin: So it's a robot that, is supposed to be delivered to a place and then shipping goes crazy and it ends up on this, island with all these wild animals.

>> Mike: Okay, okay.

>> Darin: It's a pretty good movie. Okay.

>> Mike: Tarzan, but with robots.

>> Darin: It's like Tarzan with. Yeah, exactly. And I'm digging this movie. I'm enjoying it. It's a good movie. Still. What did I do? I fell asleep, okay. And Libby elbowed me and I woke back up and I watched it. I dozed off again. M and this time my mom elbows me.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. I fell asleep a third time.

>> Mike: Sounds like a great movie.

>> Darin: I'm telling you, it's, it's really good.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: There's no reason at all. There's nothing about the movie that would warrant me falling asleep. And I'm getting pissed because I keep falling asleep. In the movie, the chair was really comfortable and the lights were nice and dark.

>> Mike: Was one of those red reclining?

>> Darin: No, no, it was a, it was a different theater.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Anyway, mom shakes me a little bit. Jesus, Darren, you're missing the ending. And I'm like, the ending? I've been asleep the whole damn movie. And then I started getting pissed thinking. I mean, granted, they've tried, uh-huh, but I was so pissed because I'm m like, we're really at the ending? We weren't at the ending. The movie had like 45 more minutes. But I was, I'm like, how did. I never slept through the whole movie. Not at a theater I had at home. Oh, my God. I woke up when the credits are rolling. Like, was it good?

>> Mike: Yeah, no.

>> Darin: Oh, good, that's. I missed it. Yeah.


Andrew can't hit a golf ball to save his life

It's time for top golf.

>> Mike: So this past weekend, we celebrated Charlie's birthday.

>> Darin: Happy birthday, Charlie.

>> Mike: A party at Topgolf. So we. What's that called? Rented two bay? Is that. Yes.

>> Darin: Yeah. You reserved.

>> Mike: We reserved.

>> Darin: You rented, you rented a room at Topgolf?

>> Mike: Yeah, we reserved and we were on the second level, the Honda level. Oh, you're a top golfer?

>> Darin: Oh, yeah, that's, that's mmmdh. That's a five speed level.

>> Mike: Yeah. And so we got there, have his friends come. And it started out relatively safe. Insane.

>> Mike: The kids were hitting the balls. Andrew hit a couple of balls. I gave him one or two tips on how to hit the ball. And then felt immediately like an idiot because I can't hit a golf ball to save my life.

>> Darin: Like, what do you do?

>> Mike: It's one of those things like, I know how it should m be done, but I can't do it. You know what I mean?

>> Darin: All I know is you follow through. You got a follow through.

>> Mike: I was on a golf team when I was in high school. Uh-huh and I took golf lessons. M I know.

>> Darin: I took a golf class in college.

>> Mike: I know golf theory, I just can't do it right.

>> Darin: I couldn't hit the ball. Honest to God. I took a golf class in college. I thought, this will be cool. I'll learn how to play golf. You put the ball on the tee. They taught you how to hold the one hand here and the pinky overlaps the index finger there and, and then you elbow straight. And this goes when that.

>> Mike: And then you miss it.

>> Darin: And I swung, I couldn't hit the.

>> Mike: Ball or you hit it and you knock a beaver out 3ft to the left.

>> Darin: I hate one of my beaver gets knocked.

>> Mike: Exactly like I said, I know the theory of how to do it. I can't do it.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: I gave him a couple of pointers with a disclaimer, look, I can't do this. But I know this is how. Here's the thing.

>> Darin: I have the concept.

>> Mike: Every time, whenever we've gone to topgolf and I've been allowed to play.

>> Mike: Every time I've hit one of the shots that goes straight way out there, right. I've thought, wow. That's all there was to it. Mm. I'm gonna knock the piss out of this next ball, right? And the next ball is the one that either goes backwards, goes into somebody's drink, just dribbles off the edge, takes my confidence all the way back down to the crapper until the next time I wallop it out of the park.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And then it starts all thing over. Anyway. The games are going well. You get 2 hours. When you, when you rent a bay at topgolf reserve, you get 2 hours. And the kids, had varying levels of success at hitting the ball. They all had different strategies. There, was one kid that actually played golf in the group and he was actually lining up and hitting the ball reasonably well. The interesting thing is, some of the other kids that had amazing theories about how to hit a golf ball involving running up to it and hitting it, get a good run and go following through completely. And on the second follow through, actually hitting it, they varied between knocking it really straight and really far to, like, me knocking it off a few feet.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: They really got excited when the ball guy came out. You know, the little motorized guy that gets the balls. Yeah.

>> Darin: The ball getter.

>> Mike: The ball getter.

>> Darin: Hello.

>> Mike: And they really wanted to hit him. You can't know, which is what I try to do.

>> Darin: You can't do that.

>> Mike: That's what I try to do. And then they realize they couldn't, so they just start waving their hands in front, get the ball, and then they throw it.

>> Darin: You can't do that either.

>> Mike: So one of them actually had the ball bounce up into the cart. Like, he has little flaps in the back that are open. And one of the balls bounced in and came back out. And I was excited. I was like, Bessie got one. Then this continued.


The ball getter goes away. Things go back to normal. The kids start throwing the balls again

The ball getter goes away. Things go back to normal. We've got maybe 15 or 20 minutes left. The ball getter comes back. Now they start getting tons of balls, like 15 balls at a time and flinging them. And then I hear, hey, stop throwing the balls. So as the dad, I turn around. you know, who do I have to confront? Uh-huh. Dude's huge, right? Yeah. But he also works there. So I'm like, oh, I can't. I can't say anything.

>> Darin: Yeah, you can't. Yeah, but, yeah, okay.

>> Mike: And then, so I'm standing next to Andrew watching this. and, and then Bess comes over, and then Andrew goes over, and she's like, he's really staring down Andrew, or I think Andrew told me that guy's really staring me down. So then I turn around. Now he's staring down my kid. So I go over, I look at him, and he's not looking at anybody. He's kind of observing.

>> Darin: Whatever, right?

>> Mike: The kids start throwing the balls again. He gets upset. The, one of the server ladies comes over. You guys need to quit throwing the balls with your hands. And it's at this point, they have a little timer there that tells you how much time you have left. And it goes red. I'm like, okay, party's over. We got a, we got a roll. Let's get out it. We got out of there as fast as we could. I left half my stuff there. I had to go back what did you leave? I had a power brick that I was using to charge phones.

>> Darin: Oh, okay.

>> Mike: And then someone left.

>> Darin: You know, I was in a band called power brick.

>> Mike: Were you? Yeah. Go back, and I get my brick, and the m dude is there that yelled, hey, quit throwing those balls.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I start leaving. I just. I said, hey, sorry. My kids, got a little out of control. He's like, hey, we all. I have kids myself. I just, They never acted like that. And I was like, okay, the cars started, and bess and the kids are out there.

>> Mike: So I'm going. And then I hear, hey. And I was like, I'm gonna get into a fight. And top go. It's what it felt like I was gonna get to a fight. And topgolf on the second level, on the Honda level.

>> Darin: Yeah. You and your power.

>> Mike: And he's holding a hoodie, and he says, I think someone left their hoodie in this bay. I was like, okay. I go back over and get the hoodie from him.

>> Darin: Mm

>> Mike: M and he gives me a respectful nod.

>> Darin: Mm

>> Mike: And I give him a respectful nod back.

>> Darin: Like, we square?

>> Mike: Yeah. Like, we good. Yeah, we good, homes. You're not gonna. You're not gonna come at me? No, I'm not gonna.

>> Darin: I stay off your property, you stay off mine.

>> Mike: Yeah, I'm not gonna walk away, turn my back, and then all of a sudden, I'm in a sleeper hold, waking up in the hospital three years later.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: But, no, I've walked away without incident.

>> Darin: uh-huh

>> Mike: But I have a strong feeling that our pictures are hanging somewhere in topgolf. I feel like our time ended right before we got kicked out.

>> Darin: uh-huh Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah. And I don't think charlie had any idea that we were about to get kicked out. None of his friends, I don't think they understood that they were about to get ejected. Ejected. from top golf.

>> Dave: Check, one, two, three. Check, one, two, three.


Dave Lay uses the bic four color retractable pen to sign autographs

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Last week, we talked about Pete Rose, legendary Cincinnati Reds baseball player

Now, back to the show.

>> Darin: Last week, we talked about Pete Rose, legendary Cincinnati Reds baseball player. He passed away. And I mentioned that a long time ago, he was in a commercial that I directed. I worked with him, and we played some bloopers from Pete. in that commercial. It reminded me of this thing that I did when Letterman was on CB's and he had the Late show with David Letterman on CB's website. You could go to late show.com. okay? And that's where you saw a wrap up of, the previous night show. And then you see who's gonna be upcoming guests or whatever. They had a section on their website, the top ten contest. And every week they would put a category, right? And then people would submit entries, and if one of your entry made it onto their top ten list. I won one, t shirt, two mouse pads. And then, like, the fourth time I won, there, they were out of prizes.

>> Mike: Scratch and sniff sticker. Remember those?

>> Darin: I do remember those. Yeah. They had a category one time, and this was the first time that I won this thing. Okay. And it was the top ten least popular major league baseball mascots.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Okay. I'm gonna run down all ten of them. and Mike, I want you to guess which one was my entry, okay?

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Okay. Top ten least popular major league baseball mascots. Number M. Ten. The Florida Marlin Brando.

>> Mike: I'm not gonna go with the first one, but that sounds like some stupid that you would say.

>> Darin: Number nine, Walker, Texas Rangers Ranger.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Number eight, the Pittsburgh Pirates scurvy, suffering sailor. Number seven, the Tampa Bay mumbling octogenarian.

>> Mike: All right.

>> Darin: Number six, the Arizona Dustin diamondback. Number five, drunken, shirtless, belligerent fan. Number four, the New York Yanker.

>> Mike: I remember the New York Yanker.

>> Darin: Yeah. Number three, the Minnesota conjoined twins. Okay. Number two, the Washington intern. number one, gamblin Pete. So which one was my entry?

>> Mike: Yours was either the Marlon Brandos or the Pittsburgh scurvy pirate guy.

>> Darin: Nope. I was number four, the New York Yanker.

>> Mike: You were the New York Yanker.

>> Darin: New York Yanker.

>> Mike: Holy crap.

>> Darin: And here's the thing.

>> Mike: I remember that.

>> Darin: Yeah. This contest, they mentioned the category on Monday.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. And then the winner is, like, the following Monday.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Right?

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: It was Sunday, right? When I looked at this, like, oh, crap. And I. And I was. This is the first time I saw it, and I sent in New York Yanker, and I got it last minute. Right?

>> Mike: That's awesome. Yeah.

>> Darin: There you go. That's solid entertainment.


You haven't watched second season of Rings of Power yet

How come you haven't watched rings of power?

>> Mike: I don't know. I just. I haven't. I haven't really. We're watching the X Files.

>> Darin: Okay. You can watch if you can read more than one book at a time.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: You can watch more than one series at a time. Two words.

>> Darin: For second season of Rings of Power. Holy crap.

>> Mike: I've seen a spoiler. I've seen, like, a picture of a dude jumping at a yde giant, at the Balrog. I've seen.

>> Darin: Oh, well, then they spoiled it.

>> Mike: Well, yeah, they spoiled.

>> Darin: They've already released every episode.

>> Mike: The meme that's been cracking me up is they're showing the Balrog, and they say, we love that they got the same actor to portray the play. The same guy. Yeah.

>> Darin: But I'm telling you, a, Durin.

>> Mike: I knew that that was gonna happen. Like, I. Crap. It's not that big of a spoiler.

>> Darin: He is my favorite character on the show, the dwarf. Oh, my God. He is amazing. I like Elrond the elf. I like the chick who plays young galadriel.

>> Mike: Uh-huh. She's really good.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: There was a lot of people that did not like her.

>> Darin: They're out of their mind.

>> Mike: They're other mine. I think. I love the rings of power. I think it's great.

>> Darin: So, every year, we have this tradition, usually, in the winter, where we have the extended versions of the fellowship, the ring, the two towers, and the. Hey, hey, we're burning the king. The return of the king. Yeah. Hey, hey, we're.

>> Mike: Hey, hey, we're the king. It's my favorite one.

>> Darin: Yeah. Every year in the winter time, we will watch one, one weekend, another, another weekend, and then usually sometime in, January.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And, you know, Jacob and Cameron haven't watched the rings of power with us, so Libby and I were like, you guys are out of your mind.

>> Mike: And I. Yeah.

>> Darin: We're gonna go back and watch it again with them.

>> Mike: I've watched almost the entire first season by myself. Best watched the first couple of episodes. I think I told you that.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: The big spoiler at the end of season one, she knew. Just, I was like, you guys are never gonna guess who such and such was. She said, oh, this guy with a thing. Yeah.


Were there complaints about season one of Game of Thrones online or anywhere

Okay.

>> Darin: Were there complaints about season one or something?

>> Mike: Because online or anywhere, people hated it.

>> Darin: I don't know. Why?

>> Mike: Because season people, like, hate. People love to hate stuff. Especially they do the Lord of the Rings and Marvel and DC and all this I saw. I saw an amazing video by this guy that I follow. I think his name is Stephen Shrives, and he's a, he's a big trekkie.

>> Mike: And he has. I, love the video, of him. he's talking about how people who get upset with the writers, right? And they, well, why didn't they do this and why didn't they do that? And his, his retort is, well, because they're professional writers and your idea is stupid. Basically. Yeah, you're a fan. All you're doing is regurgitating, like, all your ideas are, you know, why doesn't this person find out, like, in Star wars, why don't they find out that that's their dad? Oh, like they haven't done that before.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Or Lord of the Rings, you know, why don't they have another, you know, gollum jump in the fire again? Really, you know, sirs, like, you know, pick your, pick your franchise. People just want to keep seeing the same thing over and over. And he said a quote by a director, and I cannot. Or an author, I cannot remember who it was, but the quote was essentially, people don't know what they want to see until you show it to them.

>> Darin: Right?

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, you think about all the cool stuff you've seen. Somebody came up with that, so trust them to come up with, yeah.

>> Darin: Now, I don't know how much of this, the rings of power was from one of the J. R. R. Tolkien books.

>> Mike: A lot of us from the Silmarillion. Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah, it is something else.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: It's really.

>> Mike: I mean, they take, from what I understand, I've never read the Silmarillion, but from what I understand, for people who have.

>> Darin: Yeah, the book was way less.

>> Mike: Well, they, they go, take a lot of artistic license. Like, it'll have a paragraph that says, and so and so went to this land and hit somebody with a stick.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: But then, and that's like five episodes of the Jedi elves, you know, swinging and doing their.

>> Darin: I knew they had the force. Yeah, I knew it. Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: So. And I don't mind creative license like that. The, what the hell's his name? The lord of the Rings. Peter Jackson.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And Fran Walsh.

>> Mike: They took a lot of heat. Right. When the first lord of the Rings. Right. When fellowship of the ring. Because they didn't put Tom Bombadil in ithe.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: He sucks. He just does. He sucks, And if J. R. Tolkien were here, I would say dude, you know Tom bombadil sucks. And before you guys write your stupid letters and your stupid comments, and your little tick tock, duets, where you say, this guy doesn't know anything, I know that Tom Bombadil is, like, the creator of the universe, and he's just happy go lucky. And he sings. He sings through the forest, but he's really the most powerful being ever. I know all that. He's a fat dude in a blue suit that jumps around in the forest singing songs. That's how he appears in the book.

>> Darin: Okay. Why would you want to see that in the movie? You would.

>> Mike: Exactly. Yeah, exactly.


Mike: Tom Bombadil should have been in the movie

>> Darin: I'm an idiot.

>> Mike: And in the text, it tells you. And the kind. The silmarillion, I think it points out that he's, like, some thing, right? But you can't put that in the movie.

>> Darin: In the Rings of power, a couple people are singing a song, and they mentioned Tom Bombadil in the song.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So maybe if there's a season three, which I think there's gonna be a season three, maybe we'll see Tom Bombadil.

>> Mike: I'll tell you what.

>> Darin: And all you nerds out there will get your Tom Bombadil fix.

>> Mike: All you jackwads that got upset about Tom Bombadil not being in there also got upset with how Radagast was portrayed in the hobbit.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Radagast is that scraggly, old brown wizard. like, he the wizard. The brown. Radagast the Brown.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he, like, all the bunny rabbits that pulled.

>> Mike: Bunny rabbits that pulled in, like so. Yeah. Gandalf, the gray red Augusta brown serum on the white.

>> Darin: I think he's a very fine wizard. Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: And he's portrayed in the movie. He's got his hair just like he is in the book, and then all these hardcore talking people like, what the hell's hobbits? A bunch of bull crap. No, that's how you guys would have been if Tom Bombadil would have been in the thing or, you know, what would have happened.

>> Darin: What's that, Mike?

>> Mike: Here's what would have happened.

>> Darin: I think I struck a nerve with you.

>> Mike: When I took Bess to go see, this is before we had kids or anything. We just had a dog. When I took her to go see fellowship of the ring, I was excited. It was awesome from beginning to end. All right, probably about 150 of us in the theater. One super Tolkien fan was like, meh, no. Tom Bombadil. All the rest of us were losing our minds at Boromir's death at the spoiler, all that stuff. Yeah, we were losing our minds. We're going out into the parking lot. You shall not pass. and then that dude's going home to get on the keyboard to talk about Tom Bombadil. Yeah.

>> Darin: Now you lost me when you didn't include Tom bomb.

>> Mike: Now, let's say they did put it in. How would that scene have changed, right? All of us would have been in the theater. He would have bound through the forest.

>> Darin: Oh, I'm Tom Bomb.

>> Mike: The 149 of us that have a normal life would have been like, oh, the hell? What the hell? I mean, yeah. Jesus. And then he would have been like, that's awesome.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Really?

>> Darin: Yeah, really.


Darfin fell asleep during Fellowship of the Ring movie

So, I mentioned earlier falling asleep in the movie.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. So when we went to see the fellowship with the Ring, we lived. Had an apartment in Kentucky.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: My mom lived in Tennessee, but she came up and she was visiting us for the weekend. Libby, who had read all the books, was out of her mind excited about this.

>> Mike: Now, when you say all the books, also the Silmarillion.

>> Darin: No, she's read the Hobbit, the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the Hobbit.

>> Mike: The Lord of the Rings, proper, as it's known.

>> Darin: See? So Libby was just, oh, my God. She was out of her mind excited, couldn't stand it. And I was very, very apprehensive, very nervous, because I had seen the cartoon.

>> Mike: The Hobbit, which sucks.

>> Darin: And we went to the theater and we watched the fellowship of the Ring, the play. And I've told you that story. And I was like, okay, yeah, I love this woman. She appears to still love me. I still find her very attractive, and I enjoy spending time with her. And I want to continue this relationship I have with her. So I'm going to pretend to be interested in this movie. Okay? So we go to the evening show, the 08:00 show. Okay. Okay. I worked the morning show. Ah. At Channel nine. So I was up at four in the morning. Okay. And I had been up all day long.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I was sound asleep during the fellowship of the ring. And I tried as hard as I could possibly try, but who is this guy? Who is this guy? What is who these. What is he? Is he Aragorn? Or is he strider? Is he.

>> Mike: Huh?

>> Darin: What? Who is it? I had no idea.

>> Mike: Yeah. So you're probably the most annoying person to see this movie.

>> Darin: I would fall asleep, and every time I woke up, Frodo had four more people walking across the mountain with him.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I'm like, well, now what the hell? Now what are they doing? Right? Yeah, I finally just gave up. And Libby, who again, she just could not be more excited. She was so pissed at me because here I am, just. And she's like, how are you sleeping during this movie? That's amazing. And I just. I could not stay awake if you. If you paid a million dollars.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So, you know, three or four months after the theatrical release, we rented it. And this is where I really started to annoy her. And I've told you this before, but if you're new to the podcast, welcome. Hi, I'm Darren. I would pause it and ask her what's his name? Okay, how? What? Listen to me. Yeah. And I wasn't trying to be annoying, but I was annoying her. And she's like, oh, my God, I'm like, Libby, I'm just trying to understand it cuz I don't. I'm trying as hard as I could. Why do they keep calling him Strider? And I still don't understand why Aragorn is also called Strider.

>> Mike: It's a nickname.

>> Darin: It's a nickname.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Anyway, you're Darfin.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. But you know, there's, there's Sauron and Saruman. There's Gandalf, Gimli and Gollum. Okay. There's Arwen and Eowyn. Uh-huh I still can't tell you which ones are when. Which one's aoin.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Ah, okay.

>> Mike: One's the elf princess, and Eowyn is the which one's horse lady.


Darren: Once I figured it out, they're my favorite movies

>> Darin: Okay, which one's Cate Blanchett?

>> Mike: she is, what's her face?

>> Darin: She's glad. Real glad. Okay, okay. Anyway, once I figured it out.

>> Mike: Blanchett or Blanchett?

>> Darin: Blanchett. Okay, Blanchett. Okay, Blanche. Once I figured it out, they're my favorite movies of all time. Yeah, they really are. And we've watched them over and over and over again and I. I can't get enough of them. And I'm like, craving watching them again now when they. But there's a few moments, in rings, of power, where even Libby was like, oh, now wait, what's he doing? And I'm like, you're asking me. You're asking me who that is.

>> Mike: So I was beyond excited because they had announced the movies a year before the first one came out. And this is back in the days, kids, you won't remember this, but us, old farts will remember back when people cared about windows, wallpapers.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Like, you'd get a wallpaper for your movie.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: So they released a bunch of the lordofthearings.com or.net or.org or whatever the hell it was. Released a bunch of wallpapers. And it said it was inspired, the art was inspired, and the art that directed the movie was inspired by Alan Lee. And I skipped with glee, and I will show it to you after the end of this podcast. I have a version of Lord of the Rings that I bought, when I was. I think it was at the end of high school, sometime in college. Illustrated by Alan Lee.

>> Darin: Mm

>> Mike: All that, like, the Moria, the halls of Moria, the minds of the way the dragons look, the way the characters look.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: All that stuff. Sauron is straight from Alan Lee.

>> Darin: Yeah, that's.

>> Mike: And so in the ring race, and I. So I had all the wallpapers. I downloaded them all in, all the resolutions. I was so excited. And I was like, I am set for this movie. A. The hobbits aren't cute little roly poly dudes like they are in that 70, you know?

>> Darin: And I know I've told this story, but I'm gonna tell again.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: For people new to the podcast, hi, I'm Darren. They. When we went to see the two towers.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Like I said, libby was out of her mind excited with the first one, we could not wait to see. Now I'm excited, too, because now I understand it.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Because we rented it, and I watched it twice, and then we bought it.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. When you buy it, you can watch.

>> Mike: It as many times as you want.

>> Darin: And we bought the extended version, so that was like. It was like a movie and a half. Oh, my God. All the new stuff. Right? And so we were just. Just, loving all the new stuff. Right. So I am now also excited. Out of my mind, we're watching the two towers, and there's a woman with three kids behind us, and the kids won't shut up. And so Libby turns and shoots them a look. Oh, not the hey, how you doing? Look. The you go to hell and you die look.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: the kids keep talking. She shoots them another look. And, yeah, finally, she turned to look. She said, you people are killing me.

>> Mike: Killing me. Yeah.

>> Darin: And the mom did that thing, like. Like, if you have to stop the car real quick and you put your hand over the kids so they don't fly through the windshield. The mom did that.

>> Mike: She's like.

>> Darin: I was like, did you think they were gonna propel out of the seat? Because of my wife's threat and the kids. But mommy.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: She's like, oh, my. The mom looks at them like, kids, we are gonna die.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And Libby was serious.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: You're killing me. And I'm like, I've never loved this woman more.

>> Mike: You know, they're leaving here normally or in handcuffs.


Darren Cox: Where's the part where Sauron dies in the movie

It's really up to you which. Which way this goes.

>> Darin: So prouder. Yes. She's like, I had to wait a whole year for this.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you gone back and watched the theatrical versions after seeing the extended?

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: It's weird because they'll show them, like, you can, you know, find them.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And I forget we were somewhere and they were just playing. It was like, you left out half the movie.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Like, what are you doing?

>> Darin: Where's the part where Sauron dies?

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: I can't believe they cut that out of the theatrical version.

>> Mike: It wasn't that long of a scene.

>> Darin: How could you cut that out of the theatrical version?

>> Mike: Cause, well, when I saw. Cause I didn't know the story except through the movies. So in the theatrical versions, when it got to return to the king, I'm like, I guess he just went inside the tower and he just won't come out. I kept thinking that there would be a scene where he'd be like, I'm not coming out anymore.

>> Darin: Guys, we're gonna head out. We thank you so much for listening. We want you to go to irritable dads and calm and, you can, buy merchandise. You can become a patron. You can listen to every episode you want. You can do all kinds of fun things. If you like the show, we beg you to tell your friends about it, share it, post. there's a thing on your computer. If you like the link, the. Of the website link, if you. It's called copy. You can command C. What you do is you take your cursor, and you scroll it across, or across, as we say in Ohio, you scroll it across the link that plays our website in the, In the bar at the top of the thing. Copy that. Are you playing me off? You're playing me off. Copy that. And then paste it to you.

>> Mike: Thank you for listening to irritable dad syndrome. We'll talk to you later.

>> Dave: Irritable dad syndrome is a Mike Odell Darren Cox production.

>> Darin: There's moral to this story somewhere. I just don't know what it is.

>> Mike: That was it, wasn't it? You just did it.

>> Darin: I just thought it.

>> Mike: Doctor said push, and you pushed bush this shows 7 cm dilated. Where can I get it? Called open?

>> Darin: Like it or not, my eyes do not. I can't focus on one subject, one object.

>> Mike: Yeah. Would have been a funnier story if we had gotten ejected, but, yeah.

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Darren.

>> Mike: I'm, Mike.

>> Darin: Welcome to irritable dad syndrome. This is episode 227 of, Cincinnati comedy podcast. And there's.

>> Mike: That sound. Lame. Yeah. Jeez, you sound like a car commercial. Come on down, irritable dancer.

>> Darin: Huge savings.

>> Mike: By the way, thank you for,

>> Darin: I say, when does the comedy stop?

>> Mike: Wow.

>> Darin: Yeah. Hey, so I was thinking there the other day that I was gonna go get my eyes checked. What was that? What was that? Darren? Yeah, m, I was gonna get my eyes here.

>> Mike: You got played off your own show? That's awesome.

>> Dave: All right, well, that does it for us this week. Time to hit the open road and ride off in the sunset. Adios.

>> Darin: Recording stopped.