IDS #233 - Where's My Space Sandwich?

Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast

>> Darin: All right, good to go.

>> Mike: Good to go. I want to do the 3, 2. Can we do that?

>> Darin: Yeah, it's an audio podcast, but go ahead.

>> Mike: I want to. Oh, yeah.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Okay, you ready? Three, two, wait. Three, two. Can we all just agree that Weezer.

>> Darin: Is the best band of all time?

>> Mike: No.

>> Dave: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. Make this month a December to remember. Here are your hosts, Mike and Darren.

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Darren.

>> Mike: I'm Mike.

>> Darin: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast. This is episode 233.

>> Mike: We are excited that you're here.

>> Darin: Yeah. I'm happy you're here there, wherever you.

>> Mike: Are, listening to this episode.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: We are recording on a Saturday. Life got complex.

>> Darin: Holy crap. And I want to apologize to all of our listeners, new and old. Last week, the episode that dropped happened right before Thanksgiving. We're so stupid. We didn't wish people a happy Thanksgiving.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: We didn't even plan ahead. We didn't say, hey, safe travels. We hope that when you go to your family's house or friend's house, if you have a friendsgiving, we didn't tell them, you know, we hope you have a good, trip, that you enjoy yourselves, that you don't eat too much.

>> Mike: Turkey, that you don't engage with Uncle Bob.

>> Darin: That's right. Who. Yes. Who thinks different things about different people.

>> Mike: Yeah. That's been a big friendsgiving has been the big one this year. This has been the big. I know, I'm the. I've been on Reddit. Reddit has been my new thing that I'm on.

>> Darin: You love Reddit.

>> Mike: I love it. And I am on a couple of different threads that I enjoy. And one of them in particular was all the people that are not going to Thanksgiving, not inviting Uncle Bob.

>> Mike: To their Thanksgiving. And then the fun bit has been on Black Friday going forward, all the reports back about whether Uncle Bob said, to hell with you, I'm showing up. Anyway, what was talked about, there was a scoreboard of, how many different types of words, different phrases were uttered out across the table when people left. Like whether people actually made it to the meal, if they made it all the way through the meal, if people left before the pie came out.

>> Darin: Oh, that's awesome.

>> Mike: It's been a hoot.

>> Darin: Nice.

>> Mike: You know, if you're going to watch your country eat itself alive from the inside out.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: You might as well have fun while you're doing it.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And it's been a. It's been a great time.

>> Darin: I think that's great that they put little bets on it. Yeah. No, it's funny is I have two. Uncle Bob's. One on my dad's side of the family. He married my Aunt Bonnie. unfortunately, he passed away a few years ago. And this Uncle Bob was the guy who convinced me to start telling jokes. Every year at my grandmother's house at Christmas, he would, darren, tell me a joke, and he had a really deep water me a joke. Tell me another joke. Tell me. And he would sit there and listen to every joke I had. And I would buy the, I'd buy joke books off the bookmobile that would come to school.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So I would have material for when I saw Uncle Bob.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Right. And so my Uncle Bob was one of the guys who made me tempt to be funny. On my mom's side of the family, I had Uncle Bob Hackard. He was married to my Aunt Jane. Unfortunately, she passed away last year. Rest her soul. Uncle Bob Hackard was a nut. This guy at my grandmother's funeral, somebody brought up and asked him when he started or how he met my Aunt Jane. And he was at a dance. He asked her to dance. And so he says, I was having a good time dancing with your Aunt Jane, because before her, I was dancing with another galaxy. And I would dance with her, and she would boop.


Darren: I've never had a massage chair. Somebody asked me once if I've ever had one

And she would raise her foot and boop. And she would raise her foot, and she's trying to kick me in the nuts. And this is at my grandmother's funeral at a Catholic church in Lafayette, Indiana. And people like, bob, stop. Oh, she's trying to kick me in the nuts.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Darin: And, Okay. And, here I am again at my grandmother's funeral in a Catholic church, laughing my butt off at Uncle Bob talking about this chick trying to kick him in the nuts. So, yeah, I've got, Uncle Bob's on both side of the family, who, were very instrumental in my raising. Yeah. So to speak.

>> Mike: Yeah. But we had a, relatively drama free Thanksgiving. We didn't. There was no drama. There was a fun activity. Yeah.

>> Darin: What was that?

>> Mike: A massage chair from the future.

>> Darin: Oh.

>> Mike: So every time we go to I.

>> Darin: Need the Brand, Every time we go.

>> Mike: To Bess's sister's house, they have a new thing or activity m. And when we walk in, it looked like something that had been beamed in from Star Trek. Right in the middle of their living room.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: It had LED lights down the side. It was all automated. You sit in this thing, and it measures you like where your back Is where your neck is.

>> Darin: Does it measure everything? I mean, Darren, why you in your knees on that chair?

>> Mike: but I've never had a massage chair. Like, so most of them deal with, like, they use your body weight to push against the rollers in the back.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: This thing does that, but it presses you. There's, like, air pillows.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: That inflate and push you back when it's pushing the stuff forward. And grab your legs and go. And grab the top of your feet and jam them charges. Yeah. So it's funny you say that, because there are options. And one of the options is, quote, air intensity. And I was told, be careful at level three.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: It is near assault charge level. So there's a thing you put your arms in. You, like, pick the thing and you put it in your arms, and it will clamp down.

>> Darin: So you pick the thing and you put it in your arms.

>> Mike: You pick your thing and put your arms in it.

>> Darin: Oh, okay.

>> Mike: Yeah. And then it goes. And it clamps them down. And then the shoulders push you back, and then it starts going on your back and neck.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: It's quite painful.

>> Darin: Yeah. I don't. I wouldn't enjoy that at all.

>> Mike: And the feet is. Is awesome. Are m. Awesome. They push your foot down, and then how does it up on the.

>> Darin: The chair is big enough to do your feet.

>> Mike: Yeah. Your whole body. This thing is. It's huge.

>> Darin: Whole body.

>> Mike: Whole body massage. Huh? Huh? Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. I see. I wouldn't be able to.

>> Mike: I don't even know how they got it in their house.

>> Darin: Somebody asked.

>> Mike: I don't.

>> Darin: Somebody asked me once if I've ever had a professional massage, and I wouldn't be able to do that for all the money in the world.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Because you get one half inch away from my rib, and I'm jumping off that chair.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I am so stupid ticklish. It's unbelievable.

>> Mike: So I got into one of those massage chairs.

>> Darin: Oh.

>> Mike: At. In a. In a European airport.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And it had a.


This Star Trek chair gets your buttocks right as they are your glutes

Who's this?

>> Darin: Was this in Europe?

>> Mike: So it came up in my nether regions. Hello. And it made me question whether or not I had. Was sitting in this thing properly. Maybe I was upside down. You know, I actually lifted up off of it.

>> Darin: Were my pants supposed to be off for this?

>> Mike: I said, and I quote, whoa, hey, now. And got up.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: And out of it. And I was annoyed because I'd spent money on this thing. I thought I was in the wrong spot. I repositioned myself and sat back down. And then it just, it came back up and said hello. And I so, so jumped out of it again.

>> Darin: And it came back up.

>> Mike: it went down and came back up.

>> Darin: That's what she said.

>> Mike: So then there you go. I got out of it and it's still going through its paces. and I wanted to see. And sure enough, there's a whipper wobble that comes up and just right up in the old crankshaft there.

>> Darin: No way.

>> Mike: Yes. Hang. Ah. So it wasn't me. Now this Star Trek chair that I was in at Jim and Laura's comes around and gets your, your buttocks. Your buttocks right as they are your glutes. And it does this thing with. This is a video. In the video it gets, it gets in there and jiggles them a little bit.

>> Darin: Gets all hands.

>> Mike: It's a, it's pretty, it's, it's pretty fun. Fun. time.

>> Darin: Does it buy you a drink first?

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Neither does it buy you a drink, but.

>> Darin: And then you smoke a cigarette.

>> Mike: But as it was jiggling my butt cheeks, I thought of the European one and I thought maybe that's what the European one was going for.

>> Mike: But I don't think so because there's a difference between two sets of rollers and jamming in and jiving and then another one going up. Your Pokemon.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: You sure that wasn't the colonoscopy?

>> Mike: But, yeah, I'm glad it didn't anchor you down like this one did because that. I would have had a lawsuit. Yeah.

>> Darin: I cannot do massages. I just can't. I have to be, I have to be stiff. Hello.

>> Mike: So I spent. So each massage in this thing, the default is 20 minutes, but you can bump it up as much as you want. I spent, I mean, we were there for about a day and a half. I spent approximately eight to nine hours in this chair.

>> Darin: Nice.

>> Mike: Yeah, it was, it was intense.

>> Darin: We were invited to Jeff Brown and his wife Joy Brown. Libby and I have known them for longer than we've had kids, so 21, almost 22 years. So we went to their house for Thanksgiving and I have lost count of how many times we've went to their house for Thanksgiving or Easter or they've been to our house for our Christmas parties or whatever. So they're family to us.

>> Mike: Show note is Jeff Brown designer.

>> Darin: Jeff Brown designer logo. Yeah, it's a kick ass logo. It's amazing.

>> Mike: So all of our logos old school, like the one in the, on our Collector's edition merchandise.

>> Darin: That's the one I made.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah, but so we went to their house and had, dinner. We played some cards. We brought mom up with us. We had a good time. And then the, the only problem with having dinner at someone else's house is that you don't get any of the leftovers. Right. I mean, sometimes they send you home with, let me send you a plate. We made Thanksgiving dinner again on Friday. So we had Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving. Then we had our own on Black Friday. And it was good. I mean, we had. Yeah, we had the turkey and some pie, and you name it. But the thing was, it's like, you know, every year on the Facebook, I make a snarky quote about how I hate cranberries, and then everybody's losing their mind at me about, well, you haven't had my cranberries. Erin Durbin, love her to death. She's our neighbor. You haven't had my cranberries. I'll bring you some. And I'm like, don't.


Bozo has an issue with cranberry juice at Costco

Don't bring them. I'm not going to eat them. With all the respect and kindness and gratitude. It's very kind of her to offer me these cranberries. I'm not going to eat them. And then I,

>> Mike: It's not the presentation of the cranberry, it's the cranberry that you don't like.

>> Darin: I'm 54 years old.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And people still ask me, have you tried them? Yes, if I was 5 years old. And that looks yucky and I don't want to eat it. Yeah. And then says, oh, come on, try it. And then, you know, there's room for me to be surprised. I've tried cranberries.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I can't stand them. I hate cranberry sauce. Just plain cranberries. Cranberry juice. And I'm. I've got an issue with cranberry juice because cranberry juice has infiltrated the entire juice aisle at the grocery store. There's cran apple, cran grape, cran pear, cran cucumber, cucumber juice. Yeah. Cran, coconut, crayon.

>> Mike: Cocaine.

>> Darin: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, oh, don't get in my cocaine. Come on. We went to Costco. Let me tell you this. we're Costco members now. And I got a Costco story coming up.

>> Mike: Card carrying member.

>> Darin: M. Yeah. A card carrying member of the Costco community. There's alliteration.

>> Mike: Yeah. You can get a cake and you don't have to talk to that. Yo, Bozo Chris. Michael.

>> Darin: That's. That's right.

>> Mike: Just tell him to go pound sand and get your own bypass.

>> Darin: Chris. I've got a story about Chris Michael.

>> Mike: Later. Okay. So very punchable.

>> Darin: Yeah. well, I almost punched him in the face.

>> Mike: It's. It's hard not to.

>> Darin: So stay tuned.

>> Mike: That's your first.

>> Darin: Stay tuned. I've got a Chris Michael story coming up. we were at Costco, and Libby goes over to get this sample, and she comes over to. She says, oh, do you want to try this? I said, what is it? It's cranberry jalapeno dip. no, no, no. God, please no. And she's like, oh, it's delicious. It was amazing. Yeah, I'm sure it was in hell.

>> Mike: See, people take things that sound like they should be horrendous.

>> Mike: And if they taste them and they don't make you immediately puke, then on that scale, they're amazing. It's not that it tastes amazing. If you put that next to a Reese's peanut butter cup.

>> Darin: Oh, I'm gonna.

>> Mike: It tastes like. But you know what I'm saying? It's a different. It puts you on a different scale.

>> Darin: I understand, because I've done that before.

>> Mike: I can't stand avocados.

>> Darin: Oh, okay, people, have you tried?

>> Mike: Now, I have made guacamole.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: And I hated guacamole for years. I dislike it intensely.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: But when I made my own guacamole, I enjoyed it.

>> Darin: Yeah, it was okay. See, you haven't had my guacamole.

>> Mike: I didn't see what it was all. What it was all hammed up to be.

>> Darin: Right.


So another one is pumpkin pie. If I make the pumpkin pie, it's amazing

>> Mike: So another one is pumpkin pie. I love pumpkin pie.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: If I make the pumpkin pie, it's amazing. Other people's home pumpkin pie. Yeah, that's okay. I can do that. But I really like my pumpkin piece. Right.

>> Darin: I've never seen my own, but, you.

>> Mike: Know, you buy one, you're good with guacamole. My own guacamole. I like it.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: It's okay. I did that thing. Other people's. No, get it out of here. It's on a different scale.


Woman at Kroger says who needs a big turkey before Thanksgiving

>> Dave: It's time now for the Kroger story of the week.

>> Darin: Before Thanksgiving, I was at Kroger, and, one of my favorite type of people comes up. The person that just starts a conversation with you. I love that I eat that up. I'm looking for my turkey, and this woman, she's standing there next to me, and she says, they've got a Lot of small turkeys this year. that's good, because who needs. Who needs a big turkey? I don't need a big turkey. I just need a small turkey. And I'm happy that they've got a lot of small turkeys. And I'm like, yes, they do have small, turkeys, because I don't want a big turkey. Like, I. You know what? I don't want a big turkey either. I just need a small turkey. Yeah, you know, I. I understand what you're saying, because you've. You've repeated yourself four times now.

>> Mike: Yeah, I get that.

>> Darin: She goes, who needs a big turkey? I mean, how many people are eating your family? I'm like, five. You don't need a big turkey. You just need a small turkey. Yes, we do.

>> Mike: Yes. Okay.

>> Darin: Her husband comes over. What are you talking about? I'm talking about how they have such big turkeys most of the time. And I don't need a big turkey. I just need a small turkey. He goes, yeah, who needs one of them franken, turkeys?

>> Mike: Franken turkey. Yeah.

>> Darin: Oh, get it. I was like, frank and turkey. I literally walked around the corner and typed up Franken turkey so that I did not forget that. But she said, who needs a big turkey? I just need a small one.

>> Mike: So.

>> Darin: Sounds kind of like Jiminy Glick.

>> Mike: Yeah. I just could say, you see, I'm a morbid son of a bitch.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: So I probably would have said something like, well, thankfully, big turkey, decided to start processing the baby turkeys.

>> Darin: That's right.

>> Mike: So that you can have your small turkey. Look at this one here. Probably never even made it to his first Christmas. What do you think? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: Do you and I know we asked this last year, but the funnest thing about Thanksgiving is asking the kids if they want to get the turkey penis out of the bird. Yeah, we did that again. You guys want to get the turkey penis out? They. And they know I don't.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. So. And then, our friend, Friend of the show, Greg Botus, he was actually over at our house for a little bit. He's like, oh, you gotta cook the turkey penis. You make soup out of the turkey penis. You can't throw that away.

>> Mike: The only time the turkey penis, you know. You mean the neck. The only time that was the neck. The only time that was mentioned, over Thanksgiving was I yelled out over the thing. Save the neck for me, Jim. And he actually thought I was serious. Like, really? Yeah. Bess was like, nice Christmas vacation.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Dave: This has been the Kroger story of.

>> Darin: The week before we leave.

>> Mike: Turkeys. Yeah. We watched. Fan of the show. Jim Boyce told me. You know what? I actually watched one of your recommendations.

>> Darin: What's that like, really?

>> Mike: He's like, the Muppet Christmas Special.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And he's like. It's hilarious.

>> Darin: We were talking.

>> Mike: It's amazing.

>> Darin: Last week.

>> Mike: Yeah. We talked about.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So we all watched it. I'd never seen it. So we watched it together.


The Muppet Family Christmas went from standard Muppet special to next level

>> Darin: The Muppet Family Christmas.

>> Mike: I was crying, laughing at the chef.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And he starts crying when Big Bird is being nice to him. And, he's got the.

>> Darin: He's got the sharp prongs and the knife, and he's, like, sharpening them. Ready to go to town on big birds.

>> Mike: Big fat ass in the New York turkey's walking around. He's like, convincing the chef that a cow is a turkey. Here's a boo boo. Here's a turkey.

>> Darin: It's great.

>> Mike: It is.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: It's. And they bring everybody in. So the. The Fraggles with Traveling Matt and the.

>> Darin: When the Muppets marched in. Hey, it's everybody from Sesame Street.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: When Sesame street showed up. Carolyn. That it went from standard Muppet special to this is next level. This is beyond.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. Muppet Family Christmas. You can. You gotta go on YouTube and watch it.

>> Mike: The Muppets were for us, as Gen Xers. What Pixar has been for our kids.

>> Darin: I agree.

>> Mike: I'll explain.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Because they work on different levels. And one part that cracked me and Bess up was when I think it was Kermit with what's his. Little.

>> Darin: Robin.

>> Mike: Robin. They were singing, and they're being. It's a touching moment. And they're looking at each other, and in the background is Oscar the Grouch. And he's just staring at him.

>> Darin: He's just like.

>> Mike: And when one starts. Yeah. When one's singing, he's staring at them. And then when Robin starts singing, he looks at Robin and he just looks so pissed off.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And it. And so me and Bess are enjoying that. And then people who don't see that are enjoying the. The singing. Just all through the episode, things like that were happening.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I just love it.

>> Darin: I can't wait to watch it again.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I'm gonna gather the family around the laptop. Birdie Bird. Yeah. He's just. It really is great.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I guess since,

>> Darin: Boy, HBO owns Sesame street, but Disney owns the Muppets.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darin: So. Yeah.

>> Dave: Ah.

>> Darin: Disney owns the Muppets but they don't own Sesame street, so they can't air that on, the mouse on Disney Plus.

>> Mike: I have two complaints, okay? One is they went all the way down into Fraggle Rock. We didn't see a single doozer. I mean, come on.

>> Darin: No, you did not.

>> Mike: And I. I understand the. The. The ogres and the trash heap, they're not going to bring them in on.

>> Darin: I think it's a contract thing. I think they.

>> Mike: They're not union, and it's true. And the other was, I was expecting the dog to bark at the opening of the cave to, like, follow them down and start barking at the cats. That's what he did at the beginning of every episode of the Freckle Music Play.

>> Darin: Boom. Down.

>> Mike: He had Traveling Matt in there, which was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: It's really, really good.

>> Mike: The eagle.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: He's looking around.


You're listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast

He's like, why am I even here?

>> Darin: You were all boron.

>> Mike: Yeah. He's like, yeah, it's just. They're going to each one and the count. Me and Bess were crying, laughing at the count. Every time he would have start to have a serious moment, he'd walk in and go, one, one.

>> Darin: That's great. It is. This is the traditional fitting, right. To see if the roasting pan is big enough for the nice fat bird.

>> Mike: Course.

>> Darin: before we go any further, m.

>> Mike: there is one thing I think you should see. Numiscus Nis. Gobble, gobbler.

>> Darin: Snooze.

>> Mike: If you think I'm a nice fat.

>> Darin: Bird, look at this truth.

>> Dave: You're listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast.

>> Darin: There you go.

>> Mike: That's solid entertainment.


The line to return things at Costco is very similar to immigration

>> Dave: time now for the Costco story of the week.

>> Darin: So I mentioned that we joined Costco.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Oh, my Lord.

>> Mike: Hate shopping in Costco. Have you seen the Costco zombies that I'm talking about?

>> Darin: Every person in the state of Ohio.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Is in Costco.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: At any given time.

>> Mike: And they all have to stop for the cauliflower bacon wraps. And then they walk away from their cart eating it. Uh-huh. With their nasty fingers. And then just dropping the papers on the ground. Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. I'll tell you, every time we've been to Costco, they didn't have. What did they not. Oh, they didn't have hot dog chili. Okay, so I'll have to run by Kroger and get that. We needed cream cheese, but we didn't need 40 blocks of cream cheese. We needed one block of cream cheese. One block.

>> Mike: yeah.

>> Darin: Okay, so put that on the list to go to Kroger. Then we needed something else. I can't. There was, like, 12 things that we needed, but we're not going to buy 40 of. Right. So, like.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Why did we buy the Costco membership? Right. So the first day we went to Costco, we're walking in, and I had mentioned to Libby that one of my slippers is coming apart, and I would like new slippers for Christmas.

>> Darin: Right there on the left. Hey, yeah, Slippers.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Cool.

>> Mike: Get a crate of 50 of.

>> Darin: We're going crazy with our annual slipper sale at Costco.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So I buy a pair of slippers and I get them home. And, I didn't like them. They don't have the ankle cushion part.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: They just. They. They're almost like a pair of flip flops.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: So Libby's like, well, take them back. I said, okay. It's like we couldn't get the box open, so we tore the box open. My point is, the box was torn.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: Okay, so I'm going back to Costco. Have you tried to return something at Costco?

>> Mike: Do they. Can you do that?

>> Darin: Yes, you can.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: The line to return things at Costco is very similar to if you're going through immigration, at the airport.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Do you have anything to declare?

>> Mike: Yeah. Good God.

>> Darin: The line. Yeah, the line going in. It's.

>> Mike: It's.

>> Darin: It's a mad house.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I get to Costco, I get in line. I'm like, I've. The slippers are in the car.

>> Mike: Okay. You can't return it because you don't have.

>> Darin: Because I don't have them.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So I go all the way back to the van. We went with my mom's van, and it's parked almost at our house.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: We parked almost as far away as we can from Costco because that's the closest spot I could get.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I go and I get the slippers and I lock the thing, and I go back and I'm standing in line. Now I can't find my receipt. When I reached into my pocket to get my car keys, I must have pulled out my receipt.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: I'm like, well, this sucks.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So I called Libby, who was in Costco. I said, can you hold my place in line? I've got to go back and find this receipt because I'm pretty sure they won't return it.

>> Mike: Right.


You had told me that you like Magic Spoon cereal at Costco

>> Darin: I have a feeling that they might have. I was like, I'm not going to.

>> Mike: Wait until you could Say, where else am I going to get a crate of 50 slippers?

>> Darin: But yeah, well, I'm not going to wait in line to return it. And then they tell me that I can't. So I go back out to the van and I'm retracing my steps. I'm going. I take a right at this corner, I take a left. I walk past the thing that looks like a taco truck, but it's not a taco truck.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: The receipt is on the ground right next to the van. And the wind was blowing.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: But the receipts, like, I'm waiting for my daddy.

>> Mike: It's heavy.

>> Darin: It was. I just can't believe it. So the long story short, I found the receipt, went back, and now Libby's almost next. And I said, I got it, so go do some shopping. So I return it, and the lady looks at the slippers and I said, I need to return these. They're. They're not the right kind of slippers. So she goes, boy, somebody couldn't wait to get into this box. Are you judging me?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Are you judging me?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: And did I make a joke at her saying, somebody couldn't wait to get into this box? No, I didn't make a joke.

>> Mike: That's right.

>> Darin: I could have, but I didn't.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Thank you.

>> Mike: I mean, I can imagine the box probably look like all of our cereal boxes.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Let's see.

>> Darin: Oh, and speaking of cereal, they sell Magic Spoon cereal at Costco, and you had told me that you like Magic Spoon cereal.

>> Mike: Yeah. You need to take out another mortgage to get it. What was it, $100 a box?

>> Darin: No, no, no. It's, it's $10 and there's a two bag really thing in the box. I'm like, really? Holy crap. Because it's like $10 at Kroger for one bag. so I bought it. Yeah. Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah. It's not, it's not. It's not going to knock your socks off.

>> Darin: It's not amazing, but Cameron likes it.

>> Mike: It's there. That's what happens. Kids like the diet stuff.

>> Darin: So what I did was I mixed some of the, what's it called?

>> Mike: Magic Spoon.

>> Darin: Magic Spoon cereal. I mixed some of that with some Life cereal and then it was tolerable.

>> Mike: Okay. Now you just mess it all up.

>> Darin: how can I mess it up?


So, Costco. I've been going to Costco for almost a year

>> Mike: So, Costco.

>> Darin: Costco.

>> Mike: I'm curious about the remainder of your experience.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So what I see every day. So I've been going to Costco for almost a year. Now.

>> Darin: Mm.

>> Mike: I've learned how to navigate different areas of it. One is I try to avoid any place where they're giving out samples, which is really hard because every other corner they're giving out samples.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And that's where carts are going off by themselves. People are wandering into traffic.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: It's. It's insane. Yeah.

>> Darin: Ah.

>> Mike: But the thing I still don't understand and I kind of feel like a jerk for doing this, there's always a really long line up. The main drag going to the checkout.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: But if you pay attention to it, they're all going to the self checkout.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: The regular checkouts. You go right in and right out.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And here's another thing. The reason people go to self checkouts, the reason I go to self checkout is Kroger. At Kroger's, I don't want to talk to anybody. I don't want to see anybody.

>> Darin: That's why you never bring any stories to this podcast.

>> Mike: I feel like Ron Swanson when he goes through Home Depot and he's like, I know more. When I go into Kroger, I'm like, I can do this better than you. I'm gonna leave me alone.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: When you go to self check out of Costco, they start scanning crap. And sometimes they don't tell you what they scanned. They'll come by and okay, you're good. How many? I'm still.

>> Darin: I m thought it was self checkout. Why are they scanning it?

>> Mike: Exactly.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Reason number one, that Costco gets on my nerve list. That's one of them. The other one is the line leading up to it. Why are you all waiting in this line? Because they're going to scan your stuff anyway. Just go to the one of the other ones.

>> Darin: Yeah. The day we were there, the line that we thought was the line to check out, which ended up being because Libby's like, why are you in this line? This is self checkout. Went almost all the way back to Derry.

>> Mike: Yeah. It's. It's always like that.


Self checkout at Costco makes it tougher to scan everything, says Kroger

So this last time I went just last week, I went to it. I went all past this whole crew of people just in line and I actually heard a lady go, As m. I was going, yeah. And I went straight up to a register that had no one at it.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: They were all waiting for the self. The next person for the self checkout could have easily gone over and done that. And they were still doing the thing at self checkout where they were Just scanning stuff anyway, it makes it tougher. And self checkout, because you don't know what they scanned.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: At least in the checkout, the regular checkout, you know, they're scanning everything. So just leave it alone. Yeah, go on with your life. And then you have this stupid thing where the person, they leave, the people at the exit, they give them the little crayons. They like to color your receipt when you leave. I drew a house and they're counting like, well, you got 15 things on your cart. And there's 15 things. Okay. Yeah. And then the times where the numbers don't match, and it's like, well, you forgot the. Who's this? What's. It's. I have down here the whole crib. And they go through the thing. You go on with your life.

>> Darin: Said, lord have mercy. The people that I see have like up to 100 items in their cart.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And so you're really going to look at that list and look at the cart and tell me that they didn't steal some Cheerios? Yeah. Come on. but if you go to self checkout, then who checks your ID to prove that you live there?

>> Mike: Well, you have to scan it. You self scan it.

>> Darin: Oh, okay, okay.

>> Mike: But see, what they're supposed to do is scan the stuff on the bottom, like the heavy stuff, because. And I'm guessing it's a thing where people just forget to scan that stuff.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: But every time I've gone into that line, they boop, boop, the stuff on the bottom. And then it's just like, yeah, three things. I have five things. So what two things didn't you scan? So now I'm looking at the monitor. It just takes longer. It's really annoying.

>> Darin: We were in the bakery at Costco and they had these gigantic, like, muffins that were so huge.

>> Mike: Like, yeah, the around and find out muffins.

>> Darin: After Chernobyl, these things came out of the earth. They're mega muffins.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: And we're like, oh, these look good. And then Libby was like, oh, my God. And of course, I'm saying the same thing. All this sweet stuff looks great. And we're trying to stop eating sweet stuff. But did you see the blueberry banana or the blueberry lemon Look.

>> Mike: Okay, we gotta get that.

>> Darin: And so we bought these mega muffins, these gigantic muffins that you can eat one and you can probably eat on one for a week.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: So there's six of them. And the lady at the front, she says, oh, these Muffins are buy one, get one free. And so what do you say? I don't want the free one. No. Okay. So I go all the way back there. My God. Through all the people.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: It's kind of like on a football field. I'm dodging and try not to get tackled. And then I get. Because we had chocolate ones, so I got the blueberry ones. And then I make it back, and Libby's like, of course, on the day where we don't want to get sweet stuff, the muffins are buy one, get one free. Why don't they have buy one, get one free apples?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: No, it has to be the muffins. So why did we get the Costco membership? Just to make us more bitter.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll piss you off. Yeah. Have you done the Costco gas yet?

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: That's fun.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: We do Kroger gas. Okay, so is it cheaper at Costco gas?

>> Mike: No. No.


You remember back when there would be gas shortages and lines would be 20 deep

That's not why you do that.

>> Darin: Why do you do that?

>> Mike: You do it because you're Gen X. You're. We're similar ages.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: You remember back when there would be gas shortages and there would be lines, like, 20 deep of cars going to get gas?

>> Darin: I don't remember that because I wasn't. I wasn't driving.

>> Mike: You were driving. Okay. Right. But you.

>> Darin: But also, we lived growing up in a very small town in Virginia, so there was never more than two people at any convenience store, gas station.

>> Mike: So we were also in a small town, but, like, Huntington was right next to us. Huntington, West Virginia, which is, a city.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: And there would be cars out into the road.

>> Darin: We lived in more of a town.

>> Mike: Yeah. There'd be car. Literally, like, 20 cars deep going into. To try to get gas.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Going to get gas at Costco is a recreation of that. Okay. The 70s gas shortage. It's fun.

>> Darin: I thought you were going to say that they came and pumped it for you.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: Yeah. No, I missed the days when the guy would come and pump it for you, clean your windshield, check your oil. Can you pop the truck for me?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I miss those days.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: This was.

>> Mike: Looks like you got a body in the truck.

>> Darin: Yeah, well, you know, it's that time of year. What do you do?

>> Mike: Right.

>> Darin: No, it was 10 or 12 years ago, and I can't remember where I was. I was, working, helping my mom when she had her company, and she used to have a photography business. I was selling pictures for her, and I was in some really, really, really small Town in Tennessee. And I stopped to get gas, and this guy walks out and starts to open my gas cap. And I was like, what are you doing?

>> Mike: I just had some extra sugar. I was going to put it in your gas.

>> Darin: Yeah. I was like, I thought he was. I didn't know what he was trying to do.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And he says, sir, I work here. I said, okay. Yeah, you work here. He goes, yes, sir, we pumped the gas here. I said, you pump the gas here? Yes, sir, we. We pump the gas here? Yeah, you pump the gas. You pump the gas? Yes, yes, I pump your gas.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So you're going to pump my gas? Yes, sir. I'm like, well, what am I supposed to do? Yeah, because you could sit there, you can go inside, you can, If you want to get a soda or pop or something, they're in there like, yeah. What do you know? I'm like, do I pay here? If you want.

>> Mike: It was.

>> Darin: I was like, I had no idea what to do.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I just kind of wanted just. I've watched this guy pump my gas.

>> Mike: Yeah, right. Yeah.

>> Darin: And then he. He washed my windshield.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And, he didn't check my oil, I think. Did he ask if I. I don't.

>> Mike: Think they're allowed to check your oil, so.

>> Darin: And then I tried to tip him. He goes, wait, we don't know, sir. We don't do that. We. Yeah, this nice thing that he's doing ended up being a bigger problem. And I'm driving away like, he pumped my gas.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: Crazy.


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On the watching old shows front, we've started watching Star Trek. The original OG it's hilarious

>> Mike: On the watching old shows front, we've started watching Star Trek.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Boy howdy.

>> Darin: The original. The original OG it's hilarious.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah. have you seen the one with Abraham Lincoln on it?

>> Mike: We're only on, like, episode three.

>> Darin: Okay, so we're just. We're just beginning, but for how long?

>> Mike: I just. I was shocked. I mean, we've talked about it before with James Bond. You watch the original James Bonds? Like, I didn't know they let a woman carry a gun, you know that. Well, they did it on the Star Trek. I think it was episode two or episode one. the cage. It's not Captain Kirk. It's a whole different starship. Captain. And we actually talked about this. This. I'm having deja vu on, like, episode two, three.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Lady. A yeoman, as it were. That's what they call her.

>> Darin: Yo, man.

>> Mike: Yeah. walks, and she's like, you know what I feel about women? on the bridge. And like, right when he said, I was like, oh, boy, here we go. He can't hear me. He's a TV character, Darren. He's now dead, too. This is in the 60s. get in the kitchen and make me a piece. Just.

>> Darin: I was like, oh, my gosh, where's my space sandwich?

>> Mike: Yeah, Yeah. I was like, this was going to be a long, long ride.

>> Darin: See, when we grew up in Virginia, there was a time where we had one channel, okay. Because our antenna busted and we had the NBC affiliate. And that's why we watched every episode of Little House on the Prairie but missed everything else.

>> Mike: I actually watched. Was it. You watch that? Like, did people.

>> Darin: Okay, dude, Little House. M. You want to piss people off? Start badmouthing Little House.

>> Mike: I just don't. Who enjoyed it?

>> Darin: Tons of people loved it. Go online, start bitching about Little House on the Prairie and see, you know, if your house or your mailbox is burned.

>> Mike: Was it. Was it a feel good? It wasn't like Breaking Bad.

>> Darin: Yes, it was a feel good. No, there they weren't.

>> Mike: Do it. Making math.

>> Darin: There were no cliffhanger. No. They didn't make meth.

>> Mike: Michael Landon.

>> Darin: No, Wasn't. No, he wasn't like, bitch slapping people.

>> Mike: And he didn't gill science siphoning gas.

>> Darin: And drag racing in the street.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And something else that wasn't going on in Little House on the Prairie was that the kids never knocked on the door while the parents were in the bathroom.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: They just let them use the bathroom. Yeah, yeah. So but each.

>> Mike: Each episode had, like, a moral, right?

>> Darin: Oh, every episode had a moral.

>> Mike: Somebody walk. Did somebody walk like the Hulk? Did they walk away with.

>> Darin: No, no, no.

>> Mike: Like, Michael Landon didn't pull out a harmonica while one of the.

>> Darin: No, but there were lessons learned every week.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And, I think people grew up to become better people after watching Little House on the Prairie.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I'm not kidding.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: It went back.

>> Mike: Was there a girl named Laura?

>> Darin: There was Laura Ingalls.

>> Mike: Laura Ingalls.

>> Darin: Yeah.


Give me an example of a life lesson from Little House

>> Mike: And then she say, now, you know. And knowing she said, I don't think so Michael Landon popped up. Hey, what happened? No, there was, I just never watched.

>> Darin: There was a valuable life lesson every week.

>> Mike: Give me an example of a life lesson from Little House.

>> Darin: Oh, God.

>> Mike: Well, don't drink the green milk.

>> Darin: You know, it's. I think there was the kid who, who took some candy from the neighborhood shop and Michael Landon. you shouldn't be doing that.

>> Mike: Like those penny candy. Like. Yeah, the root beer flavor that everybody likes.

>> Darin: Exactly. All right, but you know, it was just like, you know, we don't. This is a small town. We treat people with kindness and dignity.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah, okay, so it was a great. My point was.

>> Mike: Oh, sorry, we got off on a tangent.

>> Darin: That's. I never watched Star Trek when it was on.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Because we only had one channel.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: See, so we couldn't, we could not watch that. But I remember we went to my grandfather's house, my grandparents, when they lived in Lafayette, Indiana. We walk into the house and Bill's watching Star Trek and the episode is the Trouble with Tribbles.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: The triples are those things that stick to the ceiling.

>> Mike: The, the fur balls.

>> Darin: Yeah, I don't. I remember them.

>> Mike: They're little fur balls.

>> Darin: I remember them looking very squid. Ish.

>> Mike: Very like, like, they're like a little hamsters. Little. Are they fur balls?

>> Darin: Well, I remember them sticking to the ceiling.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And we're like, what are you watching? And he goes, oh, it's a Star Trek. It's a triple.

>> Mike: Triple.

>> Darin: So I'm like, oh, okay. Yeah, we watched it. We didn't get it. and then, you know, so there was that. And we stayed with them for, you know, three or four days, went back to Virginia. Six months later, we visit them again. We walk into the house. Bill's watching Star Trek, the exact same episode.

>> Mike: Boy, that episode was a, hoot.

>> Darin: The Trouble with Trouble.

>> Mike: Yeah, that one. They kept replaying that one. See, here's the thing with Star Trek is it started in the 60s.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: I don't know if you know this. People were a little bit more liberal with their chemicals in the 60s.

>> Darin: And they, you know, Chekhov, they put him on the show.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Because the monkeys was so popular and Davy Jones was their sex symbol on the monkeys. So they put checkup on there because he looked kind of like Davy Jones.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: True story.


Star Trek had two separate teams of writers and they would alternate episodes

>> Mike: Okay, so there was, So there were people that were writers for the Star Trek.

>> Mike: And you've. Okay. Do you remember the show 24?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: One of my favorite things about the little pieces of trivia about that show is they had two separate teams of writers and they would alternate episodes.

>> Darin: I didn't know that.

>> Mike: So one team would write one episode, and they would send the other team. Here's where we're going to end.

>> Mike: So that team would know where to start. And they would write and then they would send the other team back. Here's where we're going to end. So they would alternate back and forth.

>> Darin: Doesn't sound like it would make sense because you've got so much that happens during the episode.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah, we're starting here. Here's where we end.

>> Darin: Huh?

>> Mike: You need to start here.

>> Darin: You remember that season where Jack Bauer was addicted to heroin and he was clean by episode four, He's, I'm going to shake off. I'm kicking this drug habit if it kills me.

>> Mike: Jack Bauer by episode four, he's like, well, that's how they. That's how they got.

>> Darin: That was a season that started like 11 o'clock at night.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Like, dude, I would be by 3am I like, I'm taking a nap.

>> Mike: Yeah, that's how they got the, like, oh my God, what's going to happen? Stuff with, 24. So now let's go back to Star Trek. I'm convinced there were writers who worked for NASA.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then there were writers who were in the back room high on everything, watching Sesame Street. And their turn came when it was the Tribbles. Yeah. They were watching Sesame street and the dude was like, dude, we need some Muppets in here.

>> Darin: They stick to the ceiling.

>> Mike: Yeah, let's put a, Muppet. We don't have any puppets. There's a fur ball. Let's make a million of them.

>> Darin: Dude. I got an idea. Like, they'll go from one place and then end up in another.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Without, like, walking there.

>> Mike: Yeah, dude.

>> Darin: How would they do that? They would, like, beam or something.

>> Mike: Yeah, dude. Yeah. So we're watching. So we're. It's half the fun of these old episodes is you can see the seams. You could see they're in front of a painting of a. Of a landscape. Like they're supposed to be on a desert planet, but you can hear Kirk's voice is echoing off the plywood.

>> Darin: That's set.

>> Mike: You see, like, a light hanging in one of the frames. There's a boom that comes out and hits Spock every once in a while. It's great.

>> Darin: By the way, don't ever tell somebody that the Millennium Falcon will outfly the SS Enterprise. Without getting.

>> Mike: Well, you. Excuse me. The USS Enterprise.

>> Darin: Look, it's a ship. I'm sorry, it ain't no boat.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Have you seen with, William Shatner goes to the lifetime achievement award for George Lucas.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: Oh, my God. One of the funniest things.

>> Mike: Yes, I have ever. I have.

>> Darin: And he starts dancing and the stormtroopers come out and they're background dancers. My God. Try and find something funnier on the Internet. I challenge you. That right now.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So classic. Yeah.


This thing came out that tied together all the different Star Trek universes in one

>> Mike: So what spawned this was that. Yeah. This thing came out that tied together all the different Star Trek universes in one. It's like a 15 or 20 minute clip that someone made using a combination of green screens and AIs.

>> Darin: Different things. Right.

>> Mike: It's. I sent it. It's got a number and apparently that number was the. The personnel number of one of the people on the original.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Thing.

>> Darin: Anyway, was that the. Was that the locker combination from episode 414?

>> Mike: It starts out with the captain from the Cage because you're like, who's that guy? And then we watch the cage, like, oh, it's that guy. And it like has the different version of Kirk. Different versions. And he goes to a different universe. and he's with Spock when they both went. Spock passes on to the next thing.

>> Darin: Spock dies.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Spoiler alert.

>> Mike: A couple times.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: yeah. But, yeah, it's beautiful. And I meant for my voice to crack when I said that, but anyway, it had me excited about Star Trek and it had me. Remember that I haven't shown our kids Star Trek.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And Andrew actually likes it.

>> Darin: Wow.

>> Mike: Okay. We're watching.

>> Darin: Bored out of his mind.

>> Mike: I did too. Like we, The first couple episodes.

>> Darin: Or they would think it's so hokey that they would.

>> Mike: Star Trek starts out like Seinfeld starts out.

>> Darin: You know, that's a Gene Roddenberry production.

>> Mike: Gene Roddenberry.

>> Darin: But it does.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: It's a slow burn.

>> Mike: It's as cool. Yeah. At the beginning. As Seinfeld is funny at the beginning.

>> Darin: Right. Which is not very.

>> Mike: Yeah. And it's interesting because the time span between the first episode and the next one, like none of the crew, with the exception of Spock is in the first episode. And then they. They start the next episode. It's not even.

>> Darin: Not even Kirk.

>> Mike: No, Kirk's not in the first episode. It's a whole different captain, whole different crew.

>> Darin: Really.

>> Mike: They have different uniforms.

>> Darin: I've never known this.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah, yeah. It's really weird. Yeah. I'm not a Trekkie and then they.

>> Darin: I don't, I don't dislike it, but I've never been into it.

>> Mike: And then they refilm the pipe. It's like they didn't know what to do with themselves. Like I said, one group's on acid, everybody else is just trying to figure stuff.

>> Darin: Elaine wasn't on the first episode of Seinfeld.

>> Mike: So that's why I love the. So I've always loved the Star Trek movies, but I wanted to watch the train wreck that is the original series. Yeah. That became a thing.

>> Darin: I almost died.


You have had it out for Chris Michael for months now on this podcast

I mentioned earlier, Chris Michael. Now, for people who don't, very punchable. Chris Michael is my next door neighbor. He is a patron of this podcast. He is a close friend. Okay.

>> Mike: Raving meth addict.

>> Darin: Mike seems to think there's something wrong with Chris and he's got it out for him.

>> Mike: I like Chris.

>> Darin: You have had it out for Chris Michael for months now.

>> Mike: I always enjoy.

>> Darin: I know you do. But you know people, you enjoy. You don't want to punch.

>> Mike: I just, I restrain myself. I do have to actively restrain myself from punching.

>> Darin: So here's the thing. I told you that I was on Staycation.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I thought, here it is, the weekend before Thanksgiving. Not the week before, but the weekend before I was like, I'm going to get a jump on these Christmas lights. I'm going to get them, on before it gets really cold. And then after Thanksgiving is over with, I'm going to have time to relax and chill and eat leftovers and, and that type of thing. And so I'm all excited because I'm going to get a jump on these Christmas lights. Lights. I go out and who has got their lights all up? Chris Michael.

>> Darin: Chris Michael.

>> Mike: Yeah. With his big, stupid punchable face.

>> Darin: Yeah. And so I was standing in the driveway.

>> Mike: They just smirk at you.

>> Darin: Yes. I was just loathing. And I'm like, this is how Mike feels. And I understood you.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I'm going to apologize to you because I gave you because of your. The things you said about Chris Michael. Now I.

>> Mike: You agree with him. I do, Yeah. I do. I want to kick him in his gut.

>> Darin: I'm standing there in my driveway and, just looking at his house like. Like I think I might go take all the lights down.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I might.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Not. Not steal them like the Grinch. Just take them down.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Maybe. Oh, I might unplug them.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: He goes out to his mailbox.

>> Mike: okay. Right.

>> Darin: Because he's gonna get his mail.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And he's walking back up, and I actually looked him and I said, you did it again.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: He says, what? I said, you did it again.

>> Mike: Yeah. He acted like he didn't know what you said.

>> Darin: And I just looked at his house, and I pointed at his house. I'm like, here I am trying to get a jump. And then you have to be like, oh, look at me. I got my. I got my lights up first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he told me. He almost texted me, apologizing, saying, listen, I'm sorry the kids are only young. Once he was out there hanging up his lights. Like, Darren's gonna be so pissed. So anyway, we were out there talking for a long time, and I found out something that I thought was absolutely hysterical. When Chris Michael was a child. should we. Should we let,

>> Mike: I didn't even know that he was a child.

>> Darin: Should we let children know that there is no Santa Claus, or should we not? Okay.

>> Mike: It's fine.


Chris Michaels: I can count on one hand the people I've punched

>> Darin: Spoiler alert. There's no Santa Claus.

>> Mike: So there is an Easter Bunny, however.

>> Darin: Yes, that is true.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And for a while, Easter bunny was doing the same job as Santa Claus because of. But then union, they had to.

>> Mike: Santa was in jail.

>> Darin: When Chris was a kid, he would sometimes have Christmas with his, at home, where they lived. And then, like, every other year, they would go visit his grandparents in Kentucky.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: On the years that he was not going to be home, he wrote to Santa Claus and let him know, I'm gonna be in Louisville. Like, a change of address. If you could please forward all gifts.

>> Mike: It's awesome.

>> Darin: I'm like, I. When I was a kid and we would go to Lafayette, Indiana, I just assumed Santa knew.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Like, I never thought, I have to send a change of address.

>> Mike: You didn't think it through? Like.

>> Darin: No. Like, Chris. Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Before, you know, I had a punchable face.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. But if I were Chris Michaels, Funniest story.

>> Mike: If I were his parents, I would have written a letter back to him saying, listen, you're either little, you get it, or, you know.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah. You're lucky if you get anything.

>> Darin: Ho, ho, ho.

>> Mike: Yes. I hope he doesn't get anything this year.

>> Darin: He can't possibly. That smug look on his face. Yeah, I agree with you.

>> Mike: Yeah. Ah, he does. He does.

>> Darin: He thinks he's better than me.

>> Mike: He does. I don't like to punch people. No, I don't. I can count on one hand the people I've punched in my life, and I'm just assuming I have. Boy, how many people have I My long term memory is going away. I talked to Bess about this. I'm. I'm very thankful for this podcast because we're, like, documenting things that I'll, a few years from now be like, oh, yeah, I did do that.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I do remember that drunk Yoda. I can't think. I'm sure I've punched someone, but I can't think of anyone.

>> Darin: Oh, I've punched a few people. It was in elementary school fights.

>> Mike: Yeah, no, I did. I did punch one kid in the stomach. He didn't deserve it. I felt bad.

>> Darin: Yeah. I got my clock clean a few times, but there were a few fights, that I got into that I was victorious.

>> Mike: I got.

>> Darin: But you know what? When there's a fight.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Nobody is the winner.

>> Mike: It. It's right. And I got, as the kids say, knocked out once. Bang. Yeah. I deserved it, too. I really.

>> Darin: Oh, you told me that story.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: But anyway, now that I'm older, you know, besides the fact that I just don't want to.


Chris Michael: Cyber bullying is harassment. I think that's called harassment

To bring pain right onto someone, I'll be the, you know, the touchy feely guy. I don't want to hurt someone.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: With Chris Michael, I.

>> Darin: You just do.

>> Mike: I do. And I also don't mind if I break my m. Hand doing it. Like, I think I would hit him that hard.

>> Darin: It's worth it.

>> Mike: Yeah, it's worth it.

>> Darin: That punchable face.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Chris Michael, watch your ass now. I will say, I think you're. I don't think you're allowed to make active threats.

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: You're people.

>> Darin: No, no, I think that's called, I think that's called harassment.

>> Mike: It's called harassment, but Cyber bullying. Cyberbullying. But I'm going to. And I'll leave it to our legal team to handle whatever needs. God.

>> Darin: Andrew's got his. Andrew's up to his neck, you know, with legal squabble.

>> Mike: He messaged me on the Facebook.

>> Darin: He did.

>> Mike: About a special peep.

>> Darin: Our attorney.

>> Mike: Yeah, our attorney. Yeah. and he's doing his job. This is what he's paid for.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Is to let us know about.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: there's a pickle Peep. Pickled.

>> Darin: It's the Grinch pickled Sour Grinch peeps.

>> Mike: Now, I was get. I was picking up my car when I saw this.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And I didn't make it home because I stopped at Walgreens to look for the pickled peep.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: And they weren't there. So I got A bunch of candy canes.

>> Darin: Pickled.

>> Mike: Bess told me she's going to order me pickled peeps from the Amazon for Christmas. I get in the pickle Peeps then.

>> Darin: Okay. If they. No. Well, I'm gonna ask you to do something, but I know you won't. Save you some pickled peeps when they come in. Will you wait?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And eat one on air. Can we both try one on air?

>> Mike: If we get multiple packages? Yeah. You don't want. You want the first peep. The eating.

>> Darin: Yeah. When you get the first package.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Can you wait and open it up? We will eat it on there.

>> Mike: Possibly.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: We'll see.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: I don't want to ruin the yuletide. Cheer. Cheer.


We've got Christmas coming up. Make your order now to guarantee it comes in time

>> Darin: All right, guys, listen. We've had a lot of fun. We're gonna go again. We hope you had a very happy Thanksgiving. We've got Christmas coming up. We've got a few more episodes that we're going to record before Christmas and new, year and that type of thing. So, we want you to go to irritabledadsyndrome.com and again, that's on the interwebs. Yes, it is. You can order stuff and have it delivered. Do it soon. Okay.

>> Mike: Some of it's pretty good.

>> Darin: Yeah. Make your order now to guarantee that it comes in in time for Christmas. Okay. Get your mom or dad or your husband or your.

>> Mike: Your, enemy.

>> Darin: Your Uncle Bob.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: The guy you hate next door. Buy him an irritable dad syndrome coffee mug for Christmas and say, I love you.

>> Mike: We should make an inflatable Chris Michael that you punch. You like those things that come back? Do you think he would give us. Would he let us use his likeness for a punchable. It doesn't matter.

>> Darin: What's he gonna do?

>> Mike: It's on him.

>> Darin: Is he gonna stop us?

>> Mike: Yeah. All right, Andrew Jackson Gibbons, you need to help us out.

>> Darin: So, yeah, put your. Put your, request in now. And when the punchable Chris Michael comes in, you'll be first on the list. We're going to go. We hope to see you next week on Irritable dad syndrome.

>> Dave: Irritable dad syndrome is a Mike Odle Darren Cox production.

>> Darin: Oh, we're going to go.

>> Mike: You don't have to edit a thing on this episode.

>> Darin: Oh, I do.

>> Mike: Not a damn thing.

>> Darin: Blue sky. Nothing. Do I see nothing but blue sky from now on. Those aren't the words. Hey, everybody. Blue sky.

>> Mike: Why not just send it now? Why are you preparing to send it? Just send it to.

>> Darin: Send it Prepare. Preparing to send something. Is getting up, putting on shoes, dusting yourself off. You need anything else while I'm out? No.

>> Mike: Right?

>> Darin: No. Okay, well, I'm gonna send this.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: You walk out to the mailbox. I don't think you make that noise, but no, no. And, why am I telling people that? I don't know. What am I doing? Hey, you said you wasn't going to.

>> Mike: Say there's one for free.

>> Darin: Now I'm gonna have to edit that out.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: Well, you're just. You're just over there.

>> Mike: I just staring.

>> Darin: You're just staring at your whole life.

>> Mike: I'm in this. I'm in. I've. I've had, like a. You're like a comfortable lane in the podcast.

>> Darin: You're over there, like, you're like. You're watching a floater go across, and you're trying to wait for it to stop, and then it keeps popping back, and you're like, how does it keep? How does it keep? How does it keep? How does it keep? How does it keep?

>> Mike: You've just described this podcast perfectly. Watching for it to go by.

>> Darin: You're waiting for a floater to go by.

>> Mike: A floater to go by. Okay, this is awesome. What happen me. Gobbler. Gobbler. Goofy woofy.