IDS #251 - The Two For The Price Of One Special!

We are giving you two classic back to back episodes of Irritable Dad Syndrome

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Darren. Mike is on assignment. Listen, we've had technical issues this week and unfortunately we are unable to bring you a brand new episode of Irritable Dad Syndrome. But don't be disappointed. Here's the deal. We are going to give you a repeat, but normally when we repeat an episode, we repeat one episode. This week we are giving you two classic back to back episodes of Irritable Dad Syndrome. Two for the price of one. Okay? And the deal is we're not going to tell you what episodes these are. If you can tell us which episodes they are, we will mention your name on the next episode of Irritable Dad Syndrome. And you'll be famous. You will be like the most famous person ever in your family. So please sit back, enjoy back to back classic episodes of Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Mike: Arnold Schwarzenegger.

>> Darin: Arnold Schwarzenegger used to have a gym in Ohio. And you can edit that out.

>> Mike: I'm.

>> Darin: No you're not.

>> Mike: I'm not. No, you're not. I keep forgetting that you actually get mad at.

>> Darin: How can you forget when we go through it every freaking week?

>> Mike: It's like me with the drum thing that you do that you put one in the other day and it's fine. It worked.

>> Darin: It was on something I did.

>> Mike: It was on you.

>> Darin: You said I'm allowed to do it when I do it.

>> Mike: You are. And it fit. And I was. I smiled.

>> Darin: You dropped the rules.

>> Mike: I smiled.

>> Darin: I never drop rules.

>> Mike: Like you're allowed. You never think the IRS is going to come back? And I was like, the IRS was like, well, he used the Darren rule. So it's good.

>> Darin: I can do it.

>> Mike: If I say you can claim that deduction, it's fine.

>> Darin: Yeah. Bring me four fried chickens and a.

>> Dave: Coke and some dry white toast, please.


Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. Please welcome your hosts, Mike and Darren

Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Darin: The.

>> Dave: The writers ran out of ideas for funny intros. Please welcome your hosts, Mike and Darren.

>> Darin: Hey, I'm Darren.

>> Mike: I am m. Michael.

>> Darin: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. This is episode. We are thrilled that you are with us. This is gonna be a fantastic show. Tonight I'm going to talk about why one of my arms smells worse than the other. Mike, I've been waiting all day.

>> Mike: I'm going to talk about how much I love hot dogs.

>> Darin: Okay. And I have a hot dog story also. Okay. welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. We're glad you're here and we want you to know that if you go to irritable dadsyndrome.com, you can listen to all of our previous episodes. And if you really love the show, if you care, if you have it in you, in your heart, you can go to Irritable Dad Syndrome. You can go to Patreon, and you can spare a dollar or a few dollars, and you can become a patron, and you can help us keep the.

>> Mike: Lights on an altar. Call for the audience.

>> Darin: Give until it hurts.

>> Mike: Give until it hurts.

>> Darin: Give until you actually have Give to Irritable dad Syndrome.


Mike says when you're 50, we're gonna get YouTube tattoos

>> Mike: A lot's happened since our last episode.

>> Darin: I know.

>> Mike: I got a cup of coffee.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And we talked about tattoos.

>> Darin: That's right. So Mike has been saying.

>> Darin: You've told me this before, that you. And best describe decided that by the time you're 50.

>> Mike: When we're 50. When you're 50, we're gonna get YouTube tattoos.

>> Darin: Not just tattoos, but you two tattoos.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah. And we made that deal back in our 30s.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Because 50s, a long way away.

>> Darin: Yeah. That'll never. Yeah.

>> Mike: And then I was telling you that, because we're going to Vegas to see you two this year.

>> Darin: The band that Shall Not Be named.

>> Mike: Did I just name them? repeatedly. Whole story. We just. That's fine. It's fine.

>> Darin: We haven't mentioned them in a few weeks. We're fine.

>> Mike: Why not do it then? I mentioned that to her, and she see repeated. You want to get it now, right? Like, the idea of getting them at 48, 47 is crazy.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: We gotta wait till we're 50. But, like, we're gonna be there, the whole family. It's all centered around this. Why not.

>> Darin: Why not get in Las Vegas and spend, like, 10 times the amount on it?

>> Mike: Because it's such a better quality. Because it's in Vegas.

>> Darin: Have you ever had a Las Vegas tattoo?

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: Then how do you know it's going to be better quality?

>> Mike: Well, they have nice websites.

>> Darin: I know a guy who can do it for you. Very, very good.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And a lot cheaper than you can do it in Las Vegas.

>> Mike: So I want to tell you a story.

>> Darin: Okay. I. I'm in a tool story time with Mike.

>> Mike: I'm in a tool fan group. I've talked about them before.

>> Darin: Yes, you have.

>> Mike: Every once in a while in this group, somebody says, show your ink or let's see your tool tattoos. It happens in the YouTube group as well.

>> Darin: Y.

>> Mike: The rush group. They don't give what's on your arm. They don't care. Right. M. And invariably when that happens, somebody brings up what is called lovingly, the Potato Maynard.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: The Potato Maynard is. Somebody took a picture of Maynard to a tattoo artist.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And they tried to put that picture on their arm, and it ends up looking like a potato. Singing. And it's every single time, someone mentions tattoo, someone in the group puts Potato Maynard, up. And the rest of us who have been in the group for years laugh ourselves silly at all the new members of the group saying, what is it? What is it? And, talking about that, doing like, yeah, that's a thing. And somebody actually has that on their arm.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: It went from something that people laugh at because it's stupid to people. I've actually had Potato Maynard put on themselves intentionally.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: As a.

>> Darin: So there's. There's two reasons why I would never get a tattoo. One, I can't stand needles.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I just can't do.

>> Mike: They have. That's a way. That's how they do it is with needles. Yeah.

>> Darin: One, one A, one A. Yeah, it hurts.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: Okay. I don't like pain. So that's. That's a second part of reason number one.


If I ever had to get a tattoo, you're required to

And then, B. Or two is, if I ever had to get a tattoo, like state law, you're required to.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I would get a Johnny Cash tattoo.

>> Mike: Hello, I'm Johnny Cash.

>> Darin: The older I get, I think maybe I would get a Billy Idol tattoo.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But I know it would have to be just the word Cash.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Or idol. Okay.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: The Billy Idol's logo. Because I cannot trust anybody to put their face on my arm because I don't want potato Johnny Cash. I don't want potato Billy Idol.

>> Mike: That's why I'm not just going to go down the street to Huckabee's, tattoos.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: You know, right next to the. The Wendy's. Right here. Have a Frosty while I put Potato Maynard on your thing. You know, I'll have Lego Bono on there. Like, what the hell are you doing? Lego Bonobo. Yeah. So I want someone who's gone to tattoo university.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: I want a degreed tattoo artist.

>> Darin: Do they have a degree in tattooing?

>> Mike: They had a place for good burger when they learned how to make burgers. They gotta have a tattoo place.

>> Darin: Two completely different things. I am going to recommend my guy. you can look into him all you want.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Go with him or not.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: If you don't use him, you want to go to Vegas and pay an extra thousand dollars.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: That. Knock yourself.

>> Mike: I mean, when it comes down to something that's permanently on my body.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: My guy Might not even.

>> Mike: Neither of my things is going to be. I'm not going to get a face. I think I told you. I'm going to. The idea is on one arm the Joshua Tree and the other arm the octung baby. Baby.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: The space baby.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, space.

>> Mike: Not the. Not the creepy ass logo they came up with for this tour, which somebody needs to get that away. Yeah, the old gotcha. You know what I'm talking about.

>> Darin: I know exactly what you're talking about.

>> Mike: Welcome to the show.

>> Darin: Welcome.


This portion of the show is brought to you by the Taco Bar calculator

>> Dave: This portion of our show is brought to you by the Taco Bar calculator. Hi, I'm Dave Lay and I love tacos. And I also love to throw taco parties. I don't mean to brag, but the little wife and I have quite a few friends and we used to have a problem figuring out how many ingredients to buy when throwing a taco party. That was until we discovered the taco bar calculator. Let me tell you how this works. All you gotta do is type in how many people are coming to the party. And the taco bar calculator does the work for you. It tells you how many pounds of meat, how many heads of lettuce, how many jars of salsa, how many boxes of taco shells, how many bags of cheese, how many ounces of sour cream. I think you get the idea. The taco bar calculator available on the Internet. Just go to Google, Yahoo or Bing and type in taco bar calculator.


My mom gave us her gas grill. And, uh, it's on my front porch

Now back to the show.

>> Darin: So when we started, I mentioned that one of my arms smells way worse than the other one. And I'm going to tell you why.

>> Mike: Okay?

>> Darin: So my mom gave us her gas grill. And, it's on my front porch. People ask me, why is your grill on your front porch? Because at our old house, we had a grill on the back porch. And the wind here in Ohio, okay, my God, the wind has taken down three gazebos. A, big chunk of our fence. We lost a patio table. We've lost several chairs. And we've had our grill knocked over. Not one, not twice, but, thrice Our grill is blown down. Thrice busted up. And I'm sick and tired.

>> Mike: 1.

>> Darin: I don't like grilling. I just don't enjoy grilling.

>> Mike: I love grilling.

>> Darin: Well, my opinion of it is changing.

>> Mike: Okay?

>> Darin: I have it on my front porch. It's covered, okay? I'm not standing in the blaring sun. I can grill in the rain. I can grill when it snows. Really, If I wanted to yeah. anywho, I got Mom's grill. The problem with mom's grill is the igniter doesn't work.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: So you got to turn on the gas. And then we've got one of them candle lighters, you. And then the flames come up.

>> Mike: You can't wait around too long for it, otherwise becomes a boom. Yeah.

>> Darin: I learned that yesterday, and I didn't think I had it on long enough, but I lit it. Boom. The flames come off and burned almost all the hair off my right arm.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then the singed hair blows all over my shirt.

>> Mike: So I'm like.

>> Darin: Like, what the hell is this? And I'm sitting there.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darin: And I'm like. And then I'm wiping my arm, and I smell it. Oh, my God.

>> Mike: Yeah, you don't want to.

>> Darin: Burnt hair smells horrible.

>> Mike: It does. It's not good.

>> Darin: Yeah. And so we're all trying to eat our pork chops. It's like, smell. Oh, that's your dad. He's on. He was on fire earlier, but he's not on fire now.

>> Mike: Back in the day when I would use my curlers, it would get stinky around the dorm.

>> Darin: Your curlers? Back when you. You did your own perm.

>> Mike: I did my own perm on Sundays. Lasts through the. It lasts the whole week.

>> Darin: You know what? If you. You know, if you keep it conditioned?

>> Mike: You do?

>> Darin: Yeah. Yeah. Take care of it.

>> Mike: I wash it every four days.

>> Darin: Take care of your hair, and your hair will take care of you. That's what my dad always said.

>> Mike: Olive oil and squirrel droppings. It really makes it look nice.

>> Darin: Makes it look really nice. I don't know if you're constantly telling your kids to do things a certain way, and do they do it or do they not do it? I don't know if that situation comes up at your house, I. I know it does.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I'm just playing along.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


I'm going to talk about showering. Trigger warning if you do. Okay. So one of the things that we have asked

>> Darin: So one of the things that we have asked the kids to do, and you may disagree with me, and you probably will, because you disagree with me all the time.

>> Mike: I'm ready to disagree. I'm waiting to hear what it is so I can take the opposite point of point of view.

>> Darin: When my son Cameron gets out of the shower, he gets out of the shower. I don't even know if he puts a towel on him at all, because he will put on his pajamas. He'll come downstairs every now and then. He'll give us a hug. His shirt is soaking wet.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I'm like, dude, you've Got to dry yourself before you get dressed. His hair is dripping.

>> Mike: Wait, before you get dressed?

>> Darin: Before you get dressed.

>> Mike: Doesn't dry himself.

>> Darin: I don't think he does because his pajama shirt is, like, soaking wet. He says, I thought I did. Like, how can you think you did? You either know if you put the towel on you or not. That's not. There's no gray area.

>> Mike: There is not where I thought you were going.

>> Darin: Okay, so what I. This is. Okay, I'm going to talk about showering. And I'm hoping that nobody listening, is imagining me naked in the shower.

>> Mike: Trigger warning if you do.

>> Darin: Okay, great. when I get out of the shower. Okay. While I'm standing in the shower.

>> Mike: In the shower.

>> Darin: In the shower.

>> Mike: You towel.

>> Darin: I take the towel and I towel off.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: I. I dry off my body.

>> Darin: Okay. And then.

>> Mike: Then you step out.

>> Darin: I step out. I put my right foot out.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then I dry it. And then, my left foot out.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then I shake it all about.

>> Mike: That's what I do. Because we're civilized people. You do the same thing I do. Because I don't want what we always have. The mat outside of the shower is sopping freaking wet.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Can you dry off in the tub?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Why? Because. Because.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Look.

>> Darin: Thank you.

>> Mike: Look at this. Well, that's what it's for. No, no, no, it's not.

>> Darin: The mat is to keep your feet warm when you get out of said shower.

>> Mike: To protect the floor and to prevent water from going everywhere. It's not there to act as a towel gravity machine as the water comes off of you. All this is where this water goes.

>> Darin: I can't believe you agree with me. I really, I really thought you were going to go head to head with me on this.

>> Mike: I just went off about this yesterday. Not to anyone. I just to myself in the bathroom. Why the. There's this always. I don't. I hate stepping out of the shower. It's like.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we don't have a mat out of our door. We just. There's no point in buying a mat. We would use a, towel. Okay. A towel on the floor. And so my kids ask, well, why do you have a towel on the floor? Well, you don't slip. They get directly out of the shower. And then the towel is sopping wet.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then the towel gets. Starts to mold if you leave it there long enough, which we don't.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But the floor. The more moisture the floor gets, it's going to start warping.


There is a horror meme about putting on pajamas wet in the shower

>> Mike: It's not good for floors.

>> Darin: No, it's not.

>> Mike: So.

>> Darin: So we have this conversation and we've had it a few times.

>> Mike: There is a horror meme.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And we've talked about it before.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: and I can't believe that this is coming up again. The back rooms. We've talked about the back rooms.

>> Darin: I've talked about the back rooms.

>> Mike: One aspect of the back rooms, Remember, it's a horror meme that, you know, anytime you have these within the past few years, they like to make every aspect of whatever it is you're talking about the worst possible that it can be. One, of the things that sticks out about the back rooms is they're all carpeted and slightly moist.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Why would you do that?

>> Darin: Gross.

>> Mike: Because it's gross.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Because when you step on moist carpet.

>> Darin: Mm,

>> Mike: Something, it's not either. Something peed.

>> Darin: You want to get back in the shower.

>> Mike: Something was slaughtered. Something untoward happened.

>> Darin: Yeah. I don't want to wear flip flops in my own shower. Yeah, you do that at camp, you do that at the beach, you do that at the pool.

>> Mike: I've even tried to do it that way. Just, I'm like, okay, if you can't beat them, join them. And I've gotten out of the shower completely sopping wet and stood on and I've jumped back in. It feels alien to me too. It's like tallying off in the pool.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: It's like, what are you doing? Why are you doing it that way?

>> Darin: But I don't understand the resistance because my kids just won't like, well, what's the big deal? Well, if there's no big deal, then just do it in the shower. Now if there's no big deal, then the argument applies the other way.

>> Mike: Yeah. Something I do that is frowned upon.

>> Darin: This is why the show is called Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Mike: Something that I do that. It is frowned upon in my household. I still do it because I'm an adult and it's my house and I can do what I want because you pay the mortgage when it's humid, when we're in the summer months. And so we're here now and I take a shower. I towel off, I put the towel around my waist and then I walk to the bedroom and I just hang out for a little bit, walk around, let that air get in there before I put on my clothes. Why? Because I don't want to put clothes on myself wet. If you try to put a T shirt or a shirt on when you're wet, you'll pull a muscle. You'll pull something.

>> Darin: That's what she said.

>> Mike: If you do your underwear, you have instant swamp ass, which you should not have. Right. When you're out of the shower. Hello. Your leg. If you're putting on jammy pants, which I do all the time.

>> Darin: Yeah, I love my one leg.

>> Mike: If your legs are wet, one will get stuck in there. You're liable to twist a hip and fall and hit your head on the thing. People have. It's not a way you.

>> Darin: Weird funeral.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Mike died doing what he loved, putting on pajamas wet.

>> Mike: He always knew it was going to be the Spiderman ones that got him.


Give us your Kroger story of the week using jump the coin

>> Dave: It's time now for the Kroger story of the week.

>> Darin: I have a couple of updates to a Kroger story of the week. My buddy Steve Farrell called me up and told me about the big old hot dog party. So what he did is he went to Kroger and he had two packs of hot dogs. He put them on the conveyor belt. The lady in line behind him, she said, she says, what, are you having a party? And then her husband's like, yeah, big old hot dog party.

>> Mike: So that was the story.

>> Darin: Hilarious. Okay. Hilarious. So he calls me up again. He went back to Kroger and his favorite hot dogs. I didn't ask him the brand because they're not whompers.

>> Mike: Okay. Yeah.

>> Darin: So I don't want to have a problem with. With our main sponsor.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: His favorite brand of hot dogs were on sale for 79 cents. okay. That's a steal.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So he buys 10 packs of hot dogs. Okay. You buy them. You put them in the freezer.

>> Mike: Okay. I've never frozen a hot dog.

>> Darin: Well, you can freeze hot dogs. Yeah, you can. Free. Yeah. I mean, you got to eat them within, like, a year.

>> Mike: I think you freeze anything.

>> Darin: Yeah, well, yeah. So he buys 10 packs of hot dogs, and he's waiting, just waiting. Now is the chance for anybody to ask, are you having a hot dog party?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Nobody asked. Nobody. He was so disappointed.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So the only good that came out of that was he got mentioned on our podcast.

>> Mike: Okay, okay.

>> Darin: Now, my mom, she went to Kroger, and the person in front of her has, like, I don't know, 20 packs of chicken, breast. Okay. And she asked him, are you having a chicken party?

>> Mike: But you're gonna say breast party. But no, no.

>> Darin: I love how people who listen to the show try to start at the Kroger. By God, if Darren gets a Kroger story of the week.

>> Mike: That's right.

>> Darin: Every week. I can get one, too.

>> Mike: That's right. So, yeah, yeah, give us your story where you use jump the coin.

>> Darin: Exactly. Or dent.

>> Mike: Dent.

>> Darin: If something is so dent. Or if something really jumps your coin, let us know.

>> Dave: This has been the Kroger story of the week.


Mikey gets nervous around the water. So last year we went to the desert

>> Mike: So we're going to the beach. Okay, now, longtime listeners of the show and people who know me know that last year we went to the opposite of the beach, right? We went to the desert. Right, Mikey?

>> Darin: Not really opposite. The opposite of the beach is the snow, like the mountains. Hello.

>> Mike: So last year we were the opposite of the beach. We went to the desert. Mikey don't like no water. Mikey gets nervous around the water. Right. Facebook knows this. TikTok knows this. That's why they keep throwing all these fasila phobia. That was thalassophobia.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah, I'm scared of water things.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Hey, did you know that this exists down 20,000ft? I'm not planning on being 20,000ft down there, but I know what's down there waiting on me.

>> Darin: I saw a video yesterday of, someplace in Florida where a bear.

>> Mike: Good grief. The comedians are bears.

>> Darin: Swam up. A bear. A bear.

>> Mike: Ah, a bear.

>> Darin: A bear. A bear was in the ocean. Let me say it again. A bear. Hey, what happened? Was in the ocean and swam up to shore. And everyone's like, oh, my God.

>> Mike: That's a new thing to be scared of in the water.

>> Darin: Watch out for bears.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah. So anyway, I saw a video this morning. This is what I woke up to.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: I was flipping through TikTok because I didn't want to get out of bed and go to work yet. I'm flipping through that. And it said these swimmers had no IDEA what was 20ft away from them.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: And it's a shot from a helicopter, and there's people just frolicking in the ocean, playing around, and about 30, 20 to 30ft away, you're like, well, that's 1, 2, 3, 5, 9, 10, 11. That's 12 sharks.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then, because you can see their fins and they're, like, edging closer and closer to the people. And then the people get out of the water.

>> Darin: Could have been dolphins.

>> Mike: It wasn't.

>> Darin: You know what the sharks were looking for?

>> Mike: They had little tear, tattoos next to them.

>> Darin: You know what the sharks were looking for?

>> Mike: What?

>> Darin: A bear.

>> Mike: A bear.

>> Darin: I'm craving bear.

>> Mike: So I have been. I can't help it. I get all these facts. I Get all these data. And I know I shouldn't throw, it out there because I know Bess is excited, and I am excited about the beach as well. I'm just not a beach person.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And I'm scared of the water. So Bess is talking to the kids about what they want to do, and I think it was Charlie or Andrew said something about jellyfish, and Bess said something like, oh, there probably won't be any jellyfish. Facto. Mcfacter 10 here says, actually, ah, this is a big jellyfish month when we're going for that area. did I tell you about the.

>> Darin: Time Jacob got stung by a jellyfish?

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: It's like, it was like 20 minutes after I got stung by a jellyfish.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I got stung mildly by a jellyfish. I'm like, ow. And then Jacob's like, wow.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah, one of those. And the jellyfish wrapped from an ankle around.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Almost up to his knee. Went a full revolution on his leg.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So.


Mike: I read that sharks are coming into the rivers in Florida

And some other stories. We're going to be in Florida.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: I read that, not only. I read that sharks are coming into the rivers. Apparently there's a version of a shark that it doesn't care. No one told it that you can't be in salt water.

>> Darin: So it's just, like, loves freshwater.

>> Mike: You guys, I'm going up freshwater lane.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And I know there's probably some biology major says, that can't happen. Well, it did.

>> Darin: It did.

>> Mike: It did. Multiple times. So anyone that tells you, hey, you're in a river, you're safe from sharks. No. And then on the other side, you got saltwater crocodiles. Hey, Mike, what's that? Well, imagine the scariest, crocodile you can imagine. Okay? Now take its size and balloon it up about four times and give it a big old prehistoric. I'm a dinosaur that's lived for 60 million years. Brain right there. It doesn't care what you are. You move and you have life within you. It can consume you. It doesn't care who you are, what's in your bank account, what kind of Ferrari you drive. It's going to eat you. And now in Florida and around, there's saltwater and freshwater versions. So you may be in the ocean thinking, well, I need to watch out for sharks, but at least no crocodiles are going to get me.

>> Darin: Right?

>> Mike: So you go to the river and you're like, at least no sharks will get me right. Anywhere you happen to be, if there's water near you m, you're in danger now.

>> Darin: You got to worry about bear and.

>> Mike: Bear, huh? And bears. Yeah. It reminds me of land shark. Like, it's like I'm safe from every. I'm safe from bears here.

>> Darin: Mrs. Arrowsberg. Yeah.

>> Mike: I was reading about Australia because when you have these fears that I do, the Internet loves to just shoot stuff at you, especially with AI I know. It's listening to everything that I'm saying.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And so I get all these stories about saltwater crocodiles that devoured a country. You know, all these.

>> Darin: It was just. It was a very small country, to be fair.

>> Mike: I watch, what's his name? Mr. Ballin. Watch his videos on YouTube.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: He's really. He's actually really good. Excellent storyteller. But he tells some horrible stories. And you read the. The comments about things that happen to people in Australia. Everything that happens outside in Australia is horrifying. And I know you've been there.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And I haven't.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And I've always wanted to go.

>> Darin: Two weeks. It was lovely.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I never even saw. I never even saw a spider, apparently. Yeah.

>> Mike: Apparently. If there's signs saying, don't swim in here.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: You. Not only do you not swim in.

>> Darin: There, you don't even reach back away.

>> Mike: To the point to where you can't see any shimmer of water near there.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Because there are things in there that will kill you, and there's things on the shore that will come out and laugh at you while you're dying.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So anyway.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: These factoids keep coming out.

>> Darin: You're gonna be a hoot on vacation.


Darren Best wants to go parasailing. And I happen to see a video

>> Mike: Best wants to go parasailing. And she said, well, you never really touched the water. I'm like, yeah, you.

>> Darin: Until your cord strap.

>> Mike: Until you. It breaks or. And I happen to see a video of a rather portly gentleman who was parasailing came out and went plunk. M. Right down in the water.

>> Darin: Plunk. Yep.

>> Mike: Right there.

>> Darin: Yep.

>> Mike: And she said, well, you know, that's, That's. He's probably over the weight. I was like, look at me. Yeah, I'm gonna be over the way.

>> Darin: I love how she uses. Well, I mean, honey, look, he was spald. I mean, he,

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: Hey, did you ever see the video of the guy? The. The camera is mounted in the thing where they're parasailing, and they run and they jump, and he forgets that he wasn't strapped in, and he's hanging on for dear life, screaming his nuts off. And. And the dude who's strapped in is like, holding him by his boat.

>> Mike: Like, hang on, hang on.

>> Darin: It's like your family's upstairs. Yeah. And it's just. I mean. Okay. He lived.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Now that he's lived, it's really funny. Years ago, when I worked at Channel 11 in Johnson City, my buddy Jim Livingston was talking about, he had watched something on the nature channel. He used to watch the nature channel all the time. And he asked. He said, darren, do you know the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? And I said, well, one, I believe they're the same thing, and two, I'm not. I'm not sure what everyone says is the difference. All I know is, if you're ever being chased by an alligator, you got to run zigzag.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Because they. You can't outrun them, but you can outmaneuver them because of how long they're. He says, that's like.

>> Mike: That's. That.

>> Darin: No, it's not. It's true. I mean, I've seen it many times. And he, argued and argued and argued, argued and argued with me about it, because I clearly don't know anything about this. Right.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: David Jenkins walks into the office, and he's. Jim reminds me a lot of you. As soon as somebody comes in, I'm going to see if this guy agrees with me. Therefore, Darren is wrong. David, do you know the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? And Dave says, no, but I know if they're chasing you, you got to run zigzag word for word. And Jim says, oh, screw both of you, and stormed out of the office. We hope you guys had a good time. We had a good time.

>> Mike: I did. Yeah.

>> Darin: And, you know what? Next time we do this, we're hoping that next time is going to be a good time, too. And I can't talk.

>> Mike: Yep.

>> Darin: So, join us next time on Irritable Dad.

>> Dave: Before we go, here's a quick reminder. Don't forget to adjust your clock. One hour. Thanks. And we'll see you later, crocodile. After a while, alligator.

>> Darin: And that's all I got. I don't have anything else to talk about.

>> Mike: Oh,

>> Darin: Oh, I'm gonna do like Conan O'Brien. Just spin my ring on the table.

>> Mike: A seat belt is there to keep you from hitting the dashboard and dying. Yeah, it's not there as a flotation, device.

>> Darin: You lost me.

>> Mike: You can edit that out.


Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. This is episode Mike is in a Mood

>> Darin: Did I mention that I burned the hair off my.

>> Mike: You did?

>> Darin: Yeah. With that smell?

>> Mike: Yeah. I had nothing for this episode.

>> Darin: See, you can do It. You can do it. Way to go, Mike.

>> Mike: I'm interested in what you're saying.

>> Darin: You can do it. You can drink without slurping. Good job.

>> Dave: Hold on. The show's not over yet. Irritable dad Syndrome is going into overtime starting right now.

>> Mike: Number M2.

>> Darin: We are running late tonight. And that's going to be okay, because if you have a problem with it, then I don't know what.

>> Mike: It's free.

>> Darin: Go find it.

>> Mike: Have all your money back. How's that?

>> Darin: Hey, folks, for the money you're paying, this is a riot.

>> Mike: That's right.

>> Dave: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. The best value for your entertainment dollar. Please welcome your hosts, Mike and Darren.

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Darren.

>> Mike: I am Mike.

>> Darin: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. This is episode Mike is in a Mood. I know there are many days where I say Mike is in a mood, but today he legitimately is in a bad mood. I am, I'm a little off. I went to the eye doctor. I had my eyes diluted and dilated. Yeah, dilated. That, too. And, something happened at the eye doctor, and I'm going to talk about that. I think I pissed off my eye doctor.

>> Mike: I had my 30th year high school reunion. Yeah, I'm going to talk about that.

>> Darin: Cool.

>> Mike: And, there was something else. Oh.

>> Darin: We were going to talk about nature.

>> Mike: Nature.

>> Darin: Nature.

>> Mike: Animals.

>> Darin: Great.

>> Mike: Animals.

>> Darin: Yes, yes, yes. So.

>> Mike: And the joys of.

>> Darin: Stay with us. I. I have sunglasses on. Although you won't be able to notice that in the audio version of this podcast.


Mike, how was your reunion? It was awesome. Yeah. So it was my 30th. I've been to my 10 year. The

Mike, how was your reunion?

>> Mike: It was awesome.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: It was awesome. So it was my 30th. I've been to my 10 year. I went to the 20th. The 20th was not as fun as the 10 year. So I almost didn't go to the 30th because I thought they just kind of. I thought they would continue to downgrade until it was just like me and three other people. Three other people.

>> Darin: And you guys are waiting to see who dies first?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: But no, like, a lot of people came to this one, and we had, what is called a hoot.

>> Darin: Oh, good.

>> Mike: Friday night, we went to the football. I think that's what they call it. Game.

>> Darin: Yeah. In America, it's called football at the thing.

>> Mike: And,

>> Darin: With the thing.

>> Mike: Yeah, okay. Thing. And we did what's. What's referred, to as tailgating. We did that and then a little tour of the high school.

>> Darin: Now, the tour, the tailgate in the parking lot of the high school.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Ain't no beer going on. Right? or were they doing beer? Because it's a reunion?

>> Mike: See, legally. If you have a little koozie cozy.

>> Darin: Okay. Yeah.

>> Mike: And you put the beer in it. Perfectly legal.

>> Darin: It's illegal.

>> Mike: As long as 100% okay. Good legal is okay. So that's what. That's what some people did.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Ah. At that. So, and then the following day, we went to a place called Calamity J's and Honeytune and we had the. The upstairs to ourselves.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: so more people showed up at that one. so we had fun. We had like, Like a dinner thing.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And like, people are mingling. I'm talking to people I haven't seen in forever.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then a lot of people left and we came down and there's like 10 or 15 of us left in the bar because the upstairs closed. We, got a little louder. we made the decision at that point, we're not driving home.

>> Darin: Smart.

>> Mike: We started making plans for Ubers. Once we got that all set up, it's like, well, chains come off. Like, whatever the hell we do whatever the hell we want. Right. So we decided to walk to another bar.

>> Darin: Mm.


Jim and his wife Alicia went to a wedding party in Huntington, California

>> Mike: It was raining. But at this point, we cared not.

>> Darin: Who cares?

>> Mike: We went to this other bar. We walk in. We are a number of sheets to the wind at this point.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And it's just at this point, myself, Jim and his wife Alicia, the only people left in the party. Like, boom, boom, boom, boom. Okay. Like 50 something people. Down to 15 or so. Down to the final.

>> Darin: Are you doing that with your finger?

>> Mike: That's just what I do.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: We walk in the bar and it is full of people in tuxedos and dresses. Okay.

>> Darin: Is it prom night?

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: But my first thought was a wedding. Well, yes, it was a wedding, but my first thought was, we are way underdressed to be in this bar. We can't afford this bar. And then I thought, that's crazy. We're in Huntington. We can afford the bar. Then my next thought was, we're at prom. And I like, there's a lot more beards than I would expect to be at a prom.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: and then somehow we found out that it was a wedding. The. This place had a Touch Tunes jukebox.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And they were playing it exceptionally loud.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: So everyone in the wedding party switched over from country to octun baby.

>> Darin: Nice.

>> Mike: Yes, nice. Daddy was letting his YouTube show.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: and I was just filling that thing up.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Playing everything now, did you play the.

>> Darin: Songs in order that you want to hear them?

>> Mike: No. And I was grabbing from different artists and different things, but I was. I was going crazy. I had fun.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: and then we ended sometime around 2 in the morning, we took an Uber home. I just found out yesterday that I got charged for two Uber trips, but I don't even know how to fight that, so I don't.

>> Darin: Oh, no. Off air, I will show you.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: There's a way.

>> Mike: And then it took me flipping forever.

>> Darin: To figure it out, but I disputed, an Uber ride.

>> Mike: After I got back from Chicago, Jim's dad took us back to our car the next day, and then I came home. Oh.

>> Darin: good.

>> Mike: Yeah, it was fun. It was. It was a. It was. It was a good time.


There were more people at your 30th high school reunion than the 20th

>> Darin: Were there more people at the 30th than the 20th?

>> Mike: Yeah. See, here's the deal, is that I was very introverted in high school. I didn't talk to very many people.

>> Darin: I find that hard to believe.

>> Mike: And then.

>> Darin: I really do.

>> Mike: I do, too. I actually don't believe myself when I say it.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then once I got out of high school, I, quote, came out of my shell, and I hung out with a lot of people from high school then, but not nearly the number. So it's weird for me, going back to reunion, when I walk in there, I'm freely talking to people that I never talk to.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: But it makes me feel weird because I'm like, I could have been really good friends with that person if I hadn't been, so.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: You know what I mean?

>> Darin: No, I know.

>> Mike: Like, we have a lot. We, like, we. We could have totally been friends, but I was, you know, I was me. Well, the tenure is kind of. Everybody's just kind of like, yeah, this is where I am doing.

>> Darin: Exactly.

>> Mike: And then 20th is not. It wasn't that for us. And then 30th. Is everybody that. Screw it. Yeah, we're all bald. There's so many bald people there. So many. More than.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: Than the last time I went.

>> Darin: Yeah. But, yeah, there was a glorious long hair in high school.

>> Mike: And we were. We were talking about, how when. Because everybody was passing around a yearbook, and we were talking about how weird it is. Like, we're all old.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: We're all in our late 40s. Yeah. Ah.

>> Darin: We're all the same. Well, and I'm in my.

>> Mike: You know. Well, I mean, at the reunion, we were all, like, between 46 and 49.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And, you know, a friend of mine, said Isn't it weird that I look at people in here and to me, they look like they did kind of in high school. Like, I see them.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: You know what I mean? Like, I don't see them that way.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: But if. If I were in high school and I walked up here, just be a bunch of old people sitting around laughing at each other.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: and there was. There was a girl that was. I considered popular in school, and I went up to say hi to her, and she said, well, you don't even remember who I am, do you? And I'm like, It was weird for me because I was not popular, and she was. It was like. It would be like bonnet. Like, if I met Bono and he was like, you don't know who I am, dude. How do you know who I am? What do you mean, how do I know who you are? Yeah, you're the itch.

>> Darin: No, we were. We were at our table, and we're talking to this girl, and she was talking about how, you know, she felt so unnoticed in high school. Okay. And she just, like, she would never, you know, get boyfriends or never get, married.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Or anything. And we all just looked at her like, are you out of your mind? She goes, what do you mean? Because I had a crush on her. Corey had a crush on her. Nathan had a crush on her. Like, we all had crushes on you. Why didn't anybody tell me? We thought you. Because, you know, it's so stupid because you assume that people like, she likes. Obviously likes him, and you're never going to have a chance with her because she likes him.

>> Mike: I learned at the 10th and 20th, and it's finally sunk in. The 30th is I thought everyone was judging me and that I was a big nerd. It turns out a lot of times I was.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: A lot of times.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I didn't realize it.

>> Darin: Yeah. Good times.


I hope they have a 40th. I cannot wait to go to my 40th

Good times. I can't. I hope they have a 40th. I cannot wait to go to my 40th.

>> Mike: We're even talking about having a 35th.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Dave: You're listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast.

>> Darin: You two are just dumbing a bag of hammers.


Well, as I mentioned at the beginning of this podcast, I went to the eye doctor

Well, as I mentioned at the beginning of this podcast, I went to the eye doctor, and I had my eyes diluted.

>> Mike: Dilated.

>> Darin: Dilated. And they checked, and they're doing the thing. This is a different eye doctor. Okay. I've never seen this doctor before, literally. And I can. I can't see the doctor now. So went. And, I'm back there and they're doing the thing. Which is a better one or two? A or B? A, B, A, A, B. Is it then? And I was having a hard time tonight because, when I would use my left eye, all the letters had a shadow on them. And I said, I'm seeing double.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. And this is really. I said, yeah, there's like a gray row of letters on top of the black row or letters. And we work through all that or whatever. Like, I said, this is a new doctor now. I know she has my chart. Okay. This doctor is super nice, by the way. Very, very, very nice doctor. And I assume. I mean, whatever my problem with my eyes is in the chart. I don't know if she's got there yet.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And she said, what I want you to do is look at the chart and tell me what you see when you. When you look with both eyes. And I said, where's the chart? I said, I can't focus both eyes on one object because of my, My lazy eye. I can either look at something with my left eye or with my.

>> Mike: Like a gecko. When, like, one can look over this way.

>> Darin: Exactly. They can't focus at the same time. I said, it's, It's alternating isotropia is what it's called.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: To which she said, yeah, I know what it's called. And then I thought, oh, yeah. And I said, yeah. No, no, wait, stop, stop. I wasn't. I'm not trying to. I'm really not trying to school you.

>> Mike: Off on the wrong foot.

>> Darin: I wanted you to know that I know what. What it's called because it's hard to say.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then it got weird. Oh. Then I'm like, oh, my God. I have pissed her off. I've really pissed her off. Yeah. After we were done, we went out and Libby and Cameron, they had their doctor appointments already. And, they're looking at glasses and frames and stuff. And I'm sitting down, and m. Libby's like, what? What's wrong? And the doctors in the room, and I don't want to say. I think I pissed her off. Yeah. And Libby could just tell that I'm acting weird.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then finally the doctor goes back, and I said, I really think I.

>> Mike: You know.

>> Darin: She goes, oh, that's crazy. Said, I. I'm afraid that I did. And like I said, she's a very nice, very good doctor, but I'm afraid that I rubbed her the wrong way. And I certainly did not mean to do that. And I'm explaining it to the guy who's out there and I'm hoping that he cleans everything up after, After I left.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then the kicker was that Libby's, bill was like 300 something. Cameron's bill was a little higher than that. Mine was like 490.

>> Mike: Jeez.

>> Darin: Yeah. And let me say what is wrong? I was like, it's because I pissed her off. They're jacking up my price because I, I, that's not true. I don't really believe that.

>> Mike: Yeah, there's.

>> Darin: So there's, I said, I told a joke there. But anyway, I'm hoping the guy who was working front cleans all that up and said, man, that, that dude with the cross eyes is really worried about you.


You reminded me of a couple of stories with my eye doctors

>> Mike: Wanted to be like your liaison. exactly.

>> Darin: I wanted him to go and just. He was really upset. Yeah. And he didn't. Whatever. Yeah. And then so it's kind of like in high school, we was like, I think I pissed off Courtney Linton. Will you. Are you mad at me? Fold it. Slide across the table, yes or no, and then get it back. But I need the guy at the eye doctor to say the guy with the cross eyes was really upset. Yeah, the cross eyed guy. Yeah. So. Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But they did, they diluted my eyes.

>> Mike: Dilated.

>> Darin: They dilated them?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I, I have trouble with a harsh light. That's why I'm wearing my.

>> Mike: This light is harsh?

>> Darin: Well, it is when you have your eyes diluted.

>> Mike: Well, so you reminded me of a couple of stories with my eye doctors. I have two eye doctors because I get, I get a one for. Well, you know, one for each eye. You have my permission.

>> Darin: Oh, thank you.

>> Mike: So I don't want to give names because I'm going to be, I don't know how people would take this.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: But I think one of them is a robot. And the reason I say that, and I don't want to give away gender because one's one and one's the other.


Sometimes ventriloquist will over explain something to you

>> Darin: Tell me what you see on the chart.

>> Mike: They, Speak to me like, very, like monotone. No. No.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: It's almost like I've looked a couple of times I've stared at their lips.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: To see if they're moving right along with their words. Because I swear, I think it's a record.

>> Darin: So you have a ventriloquist?

>> Mike: Well, it's just they over explain. What do you mean? Here's what it is.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: You're had somebody that Will over explain something. And then you ask a clarifying question.

>> Darin: Huh?

>> Mike: And instead of explaining it, they go all the way back to the beginning and start over with the same inflection and same tone.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And it's like the. The twilight zone music starts to play in the back of your head, you know, and you start looking around for portals or gray men, you know? She. I just. I just said she. Okay. She. She would say, I want you to look at the third row and read from the second letter.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: On the left, read towards the right. Begin. Do you mean the second row? What? I'd like you to read from the second row. From the second letter on the left to the right. Begin.

>> Darin: Begin.

>> Mike: Well, okay. It looks like an L to me. Is that what you. That. That row is? I've never had anyone tell me to start from the. From the second in the letter. And the second row I'd like you to start from. I mean, I'm not kidding. That's how. That's how she interacts with me. Okay. Everything. And I've gotten used to it. I've been going there for, at this point, maybe 15 years.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So I've been through this a while. But I had one instance, you know, when they have the. They put that thing up on your. Your, your face.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: And it's a little clicker, like a little viewfinder thing. And they say, you know, which one's better? A or B or B. Yeah. A or B. Yeah. And then you say.

>> Darin: I don't say.

>> Mike: Or B. I don't see a difference. I don't. I just see black.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: There. You know, or anything like that. This has never happened to me before and it hasn't happened since. But I went down a path. You know how it's supposed to get clearer and clearer as you go.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: It got clear for a while and then went really wonky.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And.

>> Darin: Oh, God. Yeah.

>> Mike: And sometimes they do that on purpose to make sure you're not like, just saying A to get out of there. Yeah, yeah, I said. And. But she was done and she started pull away. And I'm like, Well, I. It. That was wonky.

>> Darin: Was I not supposed to see anything? Yeah.

>> Mike: So she. Instead of asking clarifying questions, she put it back up, back to the beginning. A or B. A or B. the. Twice. Each one.


I went to the eye doctor to get contacts that don't meet my prescription

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: All the way through. And I'm just like a B. A. You know, even if I said it.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: She would do that. A or B a second time. A. I said, hey. And it gets to the wonky thing again. And I was scared. I was fully ready. Uh-huh. To get contacts that don't meet my prescription.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Because I was terrified that I'd slipped through a wormhole and I was in some weird version of hell that wasn't going to let me out. And I said. I remember saying, right now, everything is blurry. Neither A nor B. Yeah. Looks good.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Neither of them.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And there was a long pause, and she switched scripts. Let's try something else. Did it again. And we went through the A and B again. But thank the Lord that at the end of that one, I could see clearly.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: A little bit of fuzz. But at that point, I'm willing to take it.

>> Darin: Well, this is the first time this has ever happened to me at the eye doctor there, you know, read the low. The smallest row of letters that you can.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And so I'm trying really hard to read the fourth.

>> Mike: You're trying to be a stud, and get, like, as far down as you can.

>> Darin: I could tell the first one was A. Yeah. The. The second one was, a wash. Could be a B.

>> Mike: A B. And there's a tardigrade climbing on the sea.

>> Darin: The symbol for boron is what Dennis Miller would say. So there. There. I think the next one was. It's a G or B, but I'm gonna go B. That's definitely an L. See, that's the thing.

>> Mike: You do what I do, everybody thinks that's gonna matter. You can't see, but you're like, hold on. It's either a Z, an S, or a B.

>> Darin: But I told her. So that's definitely an L. Yeah. And then this one. And she says, oh, good, good. And then. And then she moved onto that. Now. Now tell me what you can read with your right eye. Well, I've already read everything. With your left eye.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: You're So I know that it's a Z, L, Q, T. Yeah.

>> Mike: W. Yeah.

>> Darin: And I said. And I didn't know you could do this. You can. You can request. Do you have any other letters?

>> Mike: Oh, yeah. She's got 26 of them.

>> Darin: I said, can I have some different letters? Because, I mean, it's like I remember what they're. She goes, sure. And so I'm just waiting and waiting and waiting. And then she says, go ahead and read for me. And I said, you. You. You didn't change the letters. She goes, yes, I did.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darin: And I'm like.

>> Mike: She couldn't see him, but I'm.

>> Darin: Well, I'M like, now. Now I'm losing my mind. Because, like, I'm watching this. I didn't see the letters change.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: Am I blind?


Uh, Is she lying to me? Whatever. I'm accusing her of lying because the letters haven't changed

Is she lying to me? Whatever. And then I was so. I'm like, now I'm trying. I was like, okay. And I've already. I think I've already pissed her off with the. That's what that's called. Alternating isotropia. So now I'm accusing her of lying because the letters haven't changed.

>> Mike: Gee, I don't know why she doesn't like you.


Dave Avary says he has blue jays in his backyard

>> Dave: And now it's time for Dave's Comedy Corner. My neighbor told me that I reminded him a lot of Jerry Seinfeld. I said, really? Do you think I'm that funny? And he said, no. You have a lot of cereal in your kitchen. This has been Dave's Comedy Corner, brought to you by Whomper's Albee Footlong. Hot dogs. Get a ruler and measure it yourself. If your hot dog isn't a foot long, they'll give you your money back, guaranteed. Now back to the show.

>> Darin: This weekend. I was, eating breakfast, and I looked out the window, and I saw one of the most beautiful birds I've ever seen. Beautiful. And Cameron did some research. We found out that we have some blue jays in our backyard. Beautiful bluebird with black stripes across its wings. Just. Just beautiful. So I'm like, guys, guys, guys, come here.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And we're all at the window. Like, we've never seen anything outside the window before. Right? And I'm, Like, this is actually pretty cool because this is nature, and we're fascinated with these birds. Then. Then, Mike, I see Daredevil squirrel. There's a squirrel in this tree. He runs down and jumps from this branch all the way over to this branch on the other tree. And we're all like, whoa.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then he's like, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump. And he jumps from this tree back to that tree.

>> Mike: Oh, wow.

>> Darin: It's like, how badass is that?

>> Mike: You got a little circus in your backyard.

>> Darin: Yeah. Like when a guy does a high wire act, walks across the rope with the stick, everyone's like, that's amazing. Nobody gives when a squirrel does it.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: Squirrel can do that five times the speed. Yeah, that's pretty. I want to see you, Mr. Highwire, jump from this branch. not a. Not even a stiff branch. A wavy branch. He jumps and then lands on this other one. Does not fall off the tree. It was. It was completely badass.

>> Mike: Now, see, I. I Believe that blue jays are the. Of the Avary community.

>> Darin: Are they?

>> Mike: I, that's what my dad taught me. I would get so pissed about blue jays.

>> Darin: Why?

>> Mike: Oh, so we had blueberry bushes when I was growing up. We had three of them.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And my dad put like bird wire or something, just netting around it to keep the birds from getting there. but still birds would come around because they can, they, they can go anywhere they want. They can fly.

>> Darin: Yeah, that's true.

>> Mike: But every once in a while, a blue jay would come by and just kick all the other birds asses.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And my dad would get upset and you know, these damn blue jays, huh? He would see one like I would see one and be like, oh, look at blue jay. And he'd be just like, like really didn't like the blue jays. But then he did like when we saw a cardinal, the red cardinal. Oh.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: That was like. We felt like we needed to call everyone we knew that we have a cardinal in our backyard.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: But blue jays, yeah, we did not.

>> Darin: Like, I've never heard that about the blue jays.

>> Mike: I, I haven't heard it since. But every once in a while I'll see one and I'll be like, you son of a. speaking about, external animal. Animalia. animalia. We have some cameras set up around our house because we had the. What's that called? The ding dong, dad.

>> Darin: Ding dong ditcher.

>> Mike: And. Yeah. And knocking. And we, we now know, we're 99 sure that it's 1 of Andrews, or Charlie's friends being all funny.

>> Mike: But we still. We've got the cameras out there because now we have a visitor. A bunny. Oh, a bunny.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Appears. And that appears.


Dad: I've caught an opossum hopping on my camera

He doesn't like fall through a, freaking. He's not beamed down by the Enterprise.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: He hops over from another yard. He hops over and he just hangs out. He literally just hangs out in the corner of our yard over here, hopping around. And every once in a while, from like 11pm until 4am he'll sometimes hop off camera and then it quits capturing motion. And then you'll see the next clip is like 20 minutes later. You'll see him hopping on the frame. Yeah, I've caught an, opossum. There's an opossum. Oh, that goes around in our front yard.

>> Darin: Snorkel.

>> Mike: Buried fat, fat, fat tongue. snorkel, opossum goes over there and.

>> Darin: go to best of volume two and listen to the possums.

>> Mike: and then Booba likes to go out and bark at the cameras and stick her nose right up in the cameras and bark at them. We've had these cameras for about a month now. She still goes up to them and barks like they're new.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Just like you. You've. You've come over to our house a few times in the past years.

>> Darin: I was just gonna ask. I just get right down.

>> Mike: M. Every time you come over, you know, it's like you're Hulk Hogan bursting in the thing, and she's Andre the Giant. Those are terrible because she's not a giant, and you're not Hulk Hogan, but you know what I'm saying? It's like she. Like. It's like she's going to defend us and greet you and jump.

>> Darin: Wait, now, is she watching the monitors?

>> Mike: No. No.

>> Darin: How does she know that I'm, here?

>> Mike: No, no, no.

>> Darin: Okay. because whenever I come in, I know that you got the new, doorbell. So I get my eye, like, an inch from it. I go, hello?

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah, unless you die. It doesn't. And I don't even have it hooked up to the. The. So we have people, like, ding the doorbell. It's not doing anything. They're just out there pushing a button. It actually dings my phone. So I'll be at work, and my.

>> Darin: Phone will go, m. So you're at home, and, you know, if Bess is messing with the dryer.

>> Mike: And, you know, they're all external.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: I've thought about getting some internal cameras.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: You know, but I want to know what marbles is up to all day.

>> Darin: Your washer and dryer.

>> Mike: You got hooked to your. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll tell us. It'll tell me when the cycle's done and all that. That's. It's fun.

>> Darin: It's unnecessary.

>> Mike: It is so unnecessary. It's so stupid. And I'll get. We have a, WI fi. Our, What's that called? The furnace air conditioning is controlled by WI fi.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: It just has been sending me reports, like, for the month of August, you use cooling for 300 hours.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Thank you. What am I supposed to do with that? Yeah, you. You wasted my time app for 30 seconds telling me that. I don't care.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: It said that August this year was one degree cooler than August of last year. So suck that global warming.

>> Dave: You're listening to irritable dad Syndrome. Part of this nutritious breakfast.


When you get a new girlfriend, she is going to want your favorite hoodie

>> Darin: One of the things that we rarely do on this podcast is give advice. And I Am going to give advice to boys. Okay. Boys who are, teenagers, young men. Okay, Young men. Here's some advice for young men. If you have or are about to get a new girlfriend, this is what you need to do, okay? You need to go to Goodwill, and you need to buy a hoodie. Okay? Buy a hoodie that's an extra large hoodie. I don't care if you wear a small. Get an extra large hoodie. Get one that's kind of ragged. Get one that's really. You know, that looks like it's. It's, that it's been down a few roads. Okay. And this is why. Because when you get said new girlfriend, she is going to want your favorite hoodie. Girls have this instinctual ability to cling to your favorite hoodie. I want that, and I want to wear that.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So you get. Go to Goodwill, buy a hoodie and wear it. And when you ask her out or when you. When you're, like, the day after your first date or whatever, show up wearing it, she's gonna want it. Sure. Yes. A, decoy hoodie. Because if you give her your favorite hoodie, you ain't getting it back.

>> Mike: I have so many hoodies. Decoy hoodies.

>> Darin: Yes. Yes.

>> Mike: Best will be wearing my tool hoodie. You don't like tool? Why are you wearing that?

>> Darin: I went to the Hard Rock Cafe when it opened up in Cincinnati. I bought Libby a Hard Rock Cafe hoodie.

>> Mike: There you go.

>> Darin: And then, the Christmas before then, I bought her a big old hoodie.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: That she can wear. I mean, I don't care that she wears my hoodies. And she takes good care of them.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: You know, and I've got a lot of hoodies, but I bought her some that she can have for her because we're past the point of her wearing it because she. Because it smells like me.

>> Mike: Whatever.

>> Darin: She doesn't wear it because it's mine. She wears it because it's right there.

>> Mike: Yeah, it's right there. Does she roll part of the sleeve up just, ah, like, one inch?

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: That's how I can tell Bess has worn one of my hoodies. She always takes the little sleeve thing and rolls it up an inch.

>> Darin: Odd.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Why does she.

>> Mike: But it's like her M.O. it's her signature. It's like the Zodiac Killer left a zodiac sign. Wow. That. Sorry. M. Well, hey, there's our true crime. We'll get into the true crime.

>> Darin: So what you're saying is you think Bess is the Zodiac Killer.

>> Mike: Not necessarily. Necessarily. You're not, I'm not saying that, but I'm not. Not saying that.

>> Darin: Did they. They didn't find the Zodiac Killer, did they?

>> Mike: No. okay, so I've. There's a couple of books still possible. There's, Robert Graysmith writes tons of books on it, and he. His books are titled, ah, Zodiac Killer Exposed, Explained. And you'll read the whole thing. You'll get to the end of it. It's just his theory. And you're like, okay, yeah, well, yeah, but maybe not. Yeah. Uh-huh. But they. So the most. What are we doing here? I don't know.

>> Darin: We went from hoodies to Zodiac killers.

>> Mike: The most, Cincinnati's comedy. Yeah. The most famous theory or whatever is the topic of the movie Zodiac, which is an excellent movie. I've seen that. I don't know.


Mike: I have a fun story from the reunion podcast

How many times have you seen that with Robert Downey Jr.

>> Darin: I believe so.

>> Mike: Yeah. And it's been a while. The guy that plays the guy in Spider Man.

>> Darin: Kurt Russell.

>> Mike: No. Jake Gyllenhaal.

>> Darin: Jake Gyllenhaal.

>> Mike: Jake Gyllenhaal.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Ryan Gosling should be in more movies.

>> Darin: I like Ryan Gosling.

>> Mike: I do, too. Yeah.

>> Darin: he was in Barbie.

>> Mike: Yeah, I want to see Barbie. Yeah, I mentioned that at the reunion, and it was like one of those record scratch moments where everybody stopped talking.

>> Darin: Hey, what happened?

>> Mike: They stopped dancing, looked at me, and I was asked, and I quote, really? Really? Why do you want to see Barbie? Okay, I have a fun story from the reunion podcast. So on Friday night, there's, a guy there, Jason, who is, I didn't go to. He went to a different school, but he's married to one of my friends from Fairland. Okay. So I was. When I came in, they were sitting at a table by themselves. I was like, well, they probably want to be about themselves, so I'll go sit right next to him and annoy out of them.

>> Darin: Sure.

>> Mike: So I'm talking to him, the night before, on Friday, I was talking about my podcast to this guy, and I, wasn't, you know, pushing it on him.

>> Darin: He just.

>> Mike: I think some question was asked. I was like, yeah, I have a podcast. And he, oh, what is it? Gave him the name and all this stuff. And then during the second part of the reunion on Saturday, he's talking to me. He's like, yeah, I know. You have a really, booming radio voice. Like, you're very. You project for. You sound like a radio personality.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I'm like, oh, thank you. Did you listen to it? And he said, what? I was like, did you. Did you listen to my podcast? And then he looked very uncomfortable.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Like, oh, I, know. I didn't. He's like, you told me to, but I didn't. And I'm like, well, well, now this is in my head. I'm like, well, this is awkward because I. Now I feel like I am pushing it on him. But I thought he was saying that because of that. What he was saying is that I'm being a loud dude just in general, right? Yeah.

>> Darin: But he doesn't listen to the podcast.

>> Mike: He has listened to.

>> Darin: Oh, he has.

>> Mike: He did listen to it. I think he got embarrassed and ran down to the parking lot and listed like, two minutes and then came back up like, oh, yeah, let's do it.

>> Darin: I have so many friends who are so sick of hearing me talk about this podcast. So I've stopped. It's like the last episode that we did.

>> Mike: I don't want to. I don't want to see. I don't. I don't want people to see me coming up to them and say, here we go. Listen to your little dancing room here. What's on your podcast, Mike? What do you talk about? A cake.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And a dog. Wow, you didn't talk about that. 50 episodes in a row. Did you mention Bono?

>> Darin: If it mentioned cake, 50 episodes in.

>> Mike: A row, I will now think I'm gonna mention. For the next 50, I'm gonna mention it.

>> Darin: well, guys, we're over time. We want to thank you for listening, and we hope to see you next week.


Week on Irritable Dad Syndrome features Mike Odle Darren Cox

Week on Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Dave: Irritable dad Syndrome is a Mike Odle Darren Cox production.

>> Mike: This is unedited, unedited. If your church group is currently watching, this with you, Praise Jesus. Yes. And then turn this off. The power of Christ compels you. This is like Cinemax back in the day. You're not watching HBO right now. You're watching Cinemax. I mean, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna show my boobs, but just. This is not Fraggle Rock.

>> Darin: No, it's not.

>> Mike: Okay. No.

>> Darin: No, it's not.

>> Mike: You look like a. Ah, cool. You look like your name's Daddy Smokes.

>> Darin: Daddy smokes.

>> Mike: And I look like I look like that dude on the. In Cloud City and Empire Strikes Back.

>> Darin: Yes. Lobot.

>> Mike: Is that his name?

>> Darin: Yeah, Lobot. He's Lando Calrissian's. Hello, baby.

>> Mike: you look a bit like Sammy Hagar. After he started, like, doing the hard.

>> Darin: Really?

>> Mike: Right. Now you, wait. Well, not there. Right there. You look. You look like Sammy Hagar.

>> Darin: I look like a badass.

>> Mike: You do. That looks like a do rag. Now you turn to the side. There's that stupid south park beanie part. Pops up. But head on. You. You. You got a do rag. you got a do rag face.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: You could pull a do rag off.

>> Darin: I could pull it. You think so?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Look at that badass. Look to the side. I'm gonna. I'm gonna get. Any questions, get some reels and snips of this, and I'm going to tell people that. That I interviewed Sammy Hagar on the show and see what happens. You look like Sammy Hager right now.

>> Darin: Not look like you.

>> Mike: Look at you. You do.

>> Darin: I don't get it. He doesn't wear glasses, does he?

>> Mike: I'm sure he does now. He's like, 88 years old.

>> Darin: Oh, man. I'll never forget when the doctor told me I needed bifocals. I'm like, here we go.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: here we go. When I. Okay. When I watch TV at night, if I kick back in the recliner or from watching the. In bed, I have to take my glasses.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I've got to do one of these things.

>> Mike: You put it forward on your nose like this. Yeah.

>> Darin: And I'm watching tv. And so I'm watching with. With the. They're high up on the head.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: The. The. And then Libby, I was like, So I'll, like, talk to her. And my glasses are done. M. Like this. The kids walk in.


I've been thinking a lot about home invasions lately

I was like, oh, hang on a sec. Daddy can't see. Okay. Oh, hey, there you are. And then I lean back, and then I take the glasses. I do that again.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Because I can't see laying down because I got bifocals.

>> Mike: I don't know why that you just reminded me of this. I've been thinking a lot about home, invasions.

>> Darin: Gotta put my hat back on. Look more like Sam Hagar again.

>> Mike: Because there's a couple of home invasions on the Reacher novel. And I've noticed that I get up in the middle of the night to go, pot. Pot.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I'm like, if somebody broke. Like, what happens if you. If you have to. The only reason anyone would be up in the middle of the night is if they're having a really good time. And that would be awkward.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: You'd like the. The people come in. You're like, hey, man, what's up? check out this song.

>> Darin: Yeah, it's.

>> Mike: That's. You know, that's what I would do. I'd make him come down here and listen to this. The other is, I got a pit. Hold,

>> Darin: On.

>> Mike: Hold on, hold on. I'll give you guys what you need.

>> Darin: Let me.

>> Mike: I gotta pee.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then I'll be with you.

>> Darin: Seriously, give me a fighting chance. Here, let me piss. And then I will fight you with m. Let me get my bat. My glasses on first.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Remember, I got spongebob pajamas for Christmas one year. And they're cute. It was a gag gift from the kids, and I thought, man, I hope nobody attacks us tonight because I would hate to, I'd hate to fight off an invader, a home intruder wearing my spongebob pajama pants.

>> Mike: I love that. Bill, Burr has the bit about staying in a motel, like, where the only thing between you and the parking lot is, like, the door.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: He's like, I gotta lay there. I gotta be ready to fight for my life at three in the morning.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: There's just a door between me and the meth heads out there. You're still here. It's over. Go home.

>> Darin: Go.