IDS #51 - The Pool Noodle Paradox

00:00:00  Chickity, check, check, check, check check, check, check, check your booty, shake your booty. Shake your booty. Come on now. Check your booty from television City in Hollywood. It's irritable dad syndrome. Now, please welcome your host. Mike and Darren.

00:00:33  Hey everybody. I'm Mike. This is episode 51 of irritable dad syndrome. And we are very excited that you're here. That's the last number that's going to be in this podcast. We're not going to do any math, and we're going to be funny from the get-go. Hilarious jaw-dropping. Oh. So funny you can't hardly side is splitting. We got a review. Will one of you said that they were sick of us talking about what number podcast that we are. Granted that makes sense yet. Ed to can, you guys be funny with in the first two, to three minutes, first two to three minutes. So we're been going for 20 seconds. Now, we got to have a Zinger come out here. Quick, a guy walks into a bar. It hurt. Knock, knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow moo?

00:01:19  We're not. What we do is we tell stories. Yeah, we talked about dory's are funny right at the beginning. We're not we're not. I'll set him up and knock them down. Yeah. Yeah, we don't tell Joe insert clown horn here. Anyway you go you walk into a party and you try to be funny within the first 30 seconds. You're that. People are going to be calling the police.

00:01:48  And this is one of the fun episode. So long time, listeners will first time when Mike doesn't prepare, we have to show. It has a certain we want. Everyone has one of those episode. I wasn't feeling particularly funny today. Texted you three times. Well, I was busy. I was doing what some refer to as work during the day and I was unable to and unwilling to respond. But I've been watching a lot of Trailer Park Boys. I've discovered Tom Segura, and, and you're going to just steal from that and put it in this week show or not. Cuz nobody watches either of those things. Don't nobody knows what I'm going to do. People watch trailer park, boys and know who Tom Segura Niche. Okay. So Trailer Park, Boys, mr. Jimboy's introduced me to them, okay? Years and years and years ago.

00:02:48  He gave me a DVD and sit here, watch this and I do what I normally do with DVDs that someone gives me or let me borrow. I put them on the shelf and I never look at them again. Just like the copy of The Sandlot near the right over there. Okay. I've never I've never looked at that DVD about 10 years. I'm not kidding a long time goes by and I find Trailer Park Boys on Netflix and I watch it an idiot. Me is not smart enough to remember that. You gave me that DVD. So the next time I saw him, I was like, dude, Trailer Park, Boys is awesome, because that's what I've been trying to tell you. It's hilarious Rush's in an episode like the band Rush. I love you, man, Rush. Yeah. I saw that right with Jason Jason Bourne and no and get their base.

00:03:48  I like to slap the bass Ant-Man in the Muppet guy, even though they had extended sections. Like in the intermission where it's like them like doing acting stuff, lyrics, Alex lifeson. Yes. Was in an episode of trailer park, boys could kidnap him and make him play songs back in the trailer park. He's covered in duct tape and he's play. He's being Alex lifeson. They getting back out to The Rush concert and they bring bubbles character from Trailer Park, Boys out onto the stage and they play Closer to the heart, which ruined that song for me. I love that song and now I can't watch that. I can't listen to it without thinking of bubbles singing it.

00:04:47  Anyway, alright episode. Well, you know, what? If you want to know, don't say it, if you want to know what number episode is start, this thing over and start back cuz we're not saying numbers at all at all. Evil dead Syndrome has. Brought you by Des liquid, concentrated, wallpaper stripper with its unique enzyme action. This dissolves old paste and cuts wallpaper removal time-and-a-half. Let's face it back in the day. Removing wallpaper was a real pain in the ass and nobody wanted to do it. Well, not anymore. This is Fast and Easy, and will make your next renovation project, more fun than a barrel of monkeys. Whatever the hell that means. So, stop by your local hardware store and ask for diff and tell him you heard about it on irritable dead syndrome back to you. Mike and Demon.

00:05:34  I wanted to apologize. Good, it's about time.

00:05:40  I better than a few shows. Okay. Few weeks ago. I thought, let's give kurse with a. Quacking duck, a little bit of a break and I thought whenever an occasional curse word slipped in, usually, from Mike. I started throwing in a car horn and mice. Like, Darren, my wife was listening in the car. And every time that came on, we thought someone was about to drive over a well. Here's the thing. So I apologize for using a car horn, especially for people who listen to this podcast while driving, and I don't do it anymore. Allow me to add some more flavor to that. If you'd listen to a podcast for X number of episodes, and you're used to a random duck coming in every time, somebody says you

00:06:21  You know, and then I'll send you here.

00:06:27  All these different things, it starts. You don't know what's going on with a car horn, especially if you don't need that. It was the two syllable cuss words. That somebody else complained about the, the dean on one of the people and they said that they thought their phone was giving them a notification. So I use the sound effect for whenever like occasionally we would spell words. So, whatever will spell the word correctly. You did it correctly and I didn't get it now. So I apologize and I've stopped doing that. We're going to edit exclusively with quacker or maybe we'll put a generic bad word in there. You know, like the can you get Corn Flakes at the Kroger and you don't want to pay for the chicken on the front yard light with a fan of what are you talkin about Corn Flakes with the chicken? I hope they still have a chicken on the front door. That's a hen or a rooster or whatever. It's supposed to be a rooster cockadoodledoo. Wake up. Okay, I guess.

00:07:27  What are you talking about? The Roosters on the front of cornflakes cuz it's breakfast and you supposed to wake up. I guess, I guess because chickens eat corn, but it makes about as much sense as putting the Tiger on the Frosted Flakes. Tigers don't need frosting Alex and I talked about Frosted Flakes. Two for what let's talk about Frosted Flakes again. Yeah, then they coated with sugar. Yeah, and they put it on the blue box with a tiger and say kids will love this. If you put milk over, it's genius. Makes no sense at all. Is wonderful. So my third apology for tonight, I want to apologize to Cincinnati's local soccer team. They are not FCC Cincinnati there. Just FC Cincinnati. The Federal Communications Commission has nothing to do.

00:08:15  With soccer will ending what they call it football. Okay, you can't play with your camps and I want to apologize to everyone and mostly sports fans for not understanding any of what you just said and any of that part of the show.

00:08:31  Back. When we recorded that this portion of irritable dead syndrome is brought to you by Boz Scaggs Greatest Hits. This is Dave Lay. I know music and it's hard to find an album greater than this one with Ruby. It's like loadout.

00:08:52  And who could forget, the Lido Shuffle?

00:09:05  These great hits and more all on one compact disc. So go to your favorite record store or order Boz. Scaggs Greatest Hits on the internet today.

00:09:24  So Mike and I went to Kings Island with the family, with the family. Yeah, Mike was 15 to 20 minutes actually a half hour late, right? Okay. Can I project the story for the beginning? I want you to understand cuz you know, there's behind-the-scenes sections to the store. Okay. I thought why not be responsible? Cuz every time we go to Kings Island, we're in line for like 3 hours for a five-minute ride, and we're not going to pay all that money for Fastpass the fast, but I feel like if you live in Cincinnati, you shouldn't be buying the Fastpass you live here. You can go to Kings Island anytime you want, anytime you want. Now if you come here from Botswana or something and you only got one day in America first off, don't spend it to Kings Island at second. If you do get a FastPass, you don't want to wait in line at all. That can track from Botswana. Go to Nashville Boston's, really nice. So we best identify the enforcer the most opportune time to go to Kings Island BBQ in between 5 p.m.

00:10:24  And 7 p.m. I'm not fighting on, has the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Any anytime between 5 p.m. And 7 p.m. On a Friday is the perfect time to come. It's not too hot. Most people when they get off Friday the live around here. They're going to have dinner and then go, right? Nobody's at Kings Island, Queen 5 and 7 p.m. You've got to run the run of the park. That's true. The other time is because we're gold pass members and the park opens up in theory. A half hour early is go there, right? When it opens go straight to a Ryan or, or Diamond baguette or Diamondback, or whatever, and do your thing to ride the ride. Best said, why don't we call the coxes and bring them along as like? That would be great. If I bring them along. I mean, tell you, we're going to be there and we will meet there. So we agreed to meet there at 10:30 opening of the park for to go past people, write someone in this family and make some point.

00:11:20  Enunciated that it only takes 15 minutes to get to Kings Island to the park before you're a gold pass member. I know. But I don't think so. We so we left at 10:15 from your house to the park. I go to call you. And then you called me and you said you were already there, and then I feel even worse right now. You're there like 15-minutes early, right? I was in line, long story, short is a parking lot. Long story short. We get there at about 1:11. Okay. Yeah, I think you wrote Mystic Timbers time. You came over to the Diamondbacks sweetheart. I thought you didn't know how long it takes to get from your house to Kings Island, but I digress. But this is one of the things that I assumed you would know that you, I just saw things. I should know that I don't write and I do it. A lot of things I shouldn't know, right. So you and Andrew had way more fun at the park then I did. Yeah, cuz we got there.

00:12:20  On time, we got in line for Mystic. Timbers ride. Okay. That's my favorite roller coaster at Kings Island. And I know you guys wanted to ride Ryan for. Yes. So, I figured since you were there ever going to ride Mystic, Timbers. And then come home and then go and then do Orion, Orion, which is also wrong. So we got off that Mr. Timbers is just a bomb. If you have my God, if you've never been to Kings Island and in Mason, Ohio Cincinnati area, it is packed full of punch. That is just a kick-ass roller coaster deceptive. Roller coaster wooden roller coaster and you think it's they're not going to go crazy, but I love it. We tried that and then you guys can't get on Orion because the lines already allows it shutdown or shutdown multiple times throughout the day.

00:13:20  What's write that in the area? So we changed the plan. We're going to go on Diamondback. Yeah. Okay Diamondback. Oh my God, so we get the diamond back and would it take 5 minutes to get through and then to get on it, right? We ride that. And as soon as that rides over with I'm done. I am dizzy as hell. I'm like Joe Cocker after he got off the ferris wheel can not I can barely stand. I'm trying to walk. I am dizzy on helping praying that, I don't Keel over that. I don't throw up and we sat down everyone else aside. Hey, let's ride the Banshee. I'm not going to ride that. So I went with you guys, I waited in line for as long as I could and then I was like, I had to leave the line had to find some shade. I had to sit and drink some water, and I knew I had to leave the park and so and that's what I ended up doing. So we were determined to ride Orion.

00:14:20  Andrew. And I went back in line for about a half hour, maybe 20 minutes, and we, there was not much of a line, it was open again and then it stopped like it. Literally, the car comes around. Their the train comes around and like stops and then comes around and let people off with you. Read that, you know, you go through all that stuff and you pause and then you come around. The car was there for a very, the train was there for a very, very long time. And then we see it Kings Island employee walking out on the track, which is one of the more odd things to see. You typically don't see people walking on roller coaster tracks, walked over to let the people know that something was going on with the ride and what they just be calm. And I'm like, I think given that there's a Kings Island employee standing on the tracks. Maybe they're going to shut the right agent. We've been in line. We're going to wear a ride.

00:15:20  Wait about another 5 minutes of people started leaving. I'm like, let's go get something to eat and then we'll come back later. So we went to go get something to eat with a bunch of them believe you're like, oh, screw that, I'm leaving to. Then. There's one a bunch of Aleve, a bunch of different. But we've had enough of Kings Island. By the way. My plan was only to be at King's Island for about as long as you were. I was going to go there, right? A couple of rides in the morning and get home. He's like 5 before 8 or 4:30. Before we finally got on this thing. We were in that line. The final time that we got in there for, at least, at least 45, I think an hour, maybe an hour and 15, and there was somebody behind us.

00:16:11  And again every time I'm in line now at an amusement park, I think of you. Thank you. I got bumped, haha.

00:16:20  And I got bumped again.

00:16:23  And then popped again.

00:16:27  It's okay. It's alright, I got elbows. I don't know what it is about me. I'm running into me. So I look around to say, hey Lynette. This is harassment. Oh, I got up too. And I warned him, keep a running total in my head cuz you remember corbel ice cream was bumping into me last time and that ended up being good for the show. So I waited until we, I counted eight bumps and then he bumped into Andrew. Haha. I like okay, now it's time to just get a good look at this guy, my bad again and I look around. It's somebody. If they're kind of in their attic, their early twenties with a mustache. Oh dear God, like a ricelly. Walrus mustache.

00:17:14  Like a mustache where it's clear. He's going to be a mustache guy for the rest of his life, but he's not really should not be wearing that yet. Two more years and he's going to have the wife beater. Yeah. Yeah. He's just he's chosen the path. He's chosen a dark path.

00:17:32  One that a razor could save him from his sure, you know, and I kept count of how many times you. But at one point. I started laughing and the people, you know, how you're like, lanes are crossing, you're facing another group of people that's coming the other way. They just see me laughing and occasionally getting bumped from behind. I'm not exaggerating. I lost count around 25 bumped into me at least that many times. And each time story, man. Sorry, man, elbow, you do the thing where he's talking to his buddy and this backing haha, the thing and then run into me. Yeah, and then he would get right up next to me to where he was pushing Andrew up into the next group of people and then elbow and me from the side. Haha. You know, he was standing closer to me than my wife stands to me most times and he was like, right in there.

00:18:20  It was very uncomfortable and I was terrified.

00:18:25  That we were have to sit next to it. I was going to like wait for the next train to go by. Go ahead somewhere, somewhere on the court. And then I had to listen to All is a name that communication with his buddy. When we go through the little building. We got to go through this building. 3 train is like space train, but this guy was from King of the Hill.

00:19:04  Home and we're going upstairs now. Like hell. We're going up the stairs pointing at Eastpoint up. People in talking about? I'm dick, if they can clearly hear him, you were in line in front of Bill. Clinton. Hillary is up here. I like, I like this. And I like that roller coaster, you know? I'm saying? So we get up, we get up to that way somewhere. The course of this, I'm asking Andrew, if you want to get in the front cuz I feel like that's the penultimate weigh to ride in the back. Rear end the front. It's the penultimate way. Yeah, that's the wrong. That's the wrong use. That's an ultimate is but one before the last, but I like to use it to mean something out. It means what I mean. What I think it means

00:19:54  It sounds totally badass that I hear. It's any further action ultimate. This is a penultimate podcast which would mean 52 would be our last podcast. I use penultimate the wrong way, but I'm going to continue to do that. Okay. Alright, that's also the most awesome way to ride the roller coaster. So we get in the front and the whole time that thing. Shoot you up there or Ryan, shoot, you up there and when we got to the top, there's nothing else to look at. So if this was the first time riding it, we would have been terrified. And I'm pointing out the Andre that he loves it. When I pointed out things. Hey, you can see the curve of the Earth from up this High. Shut up. Dad, you know, there is no curved. That's right. That's right. We get to the top, please don't, email is actually you should email as well. The Moon is flat and there's two moons. There's the white moon, which reflects in. There's a black moon, which occasionally covers that, right? Yeah. Everyone knows that the world, the Earth is trash.

00:20:54  Angular. So and fly. We get to lie on the top and you know it when you're in the front you kind of hang there for a bit while the rest of the train is coming over. Haha. And all you had was that last thing holding you and best. Yeah. That view down there. Like you do you remember when you were a kid and you learn how to draw a train tracks in in art class. They come to a big head like a vanishing point and then the point of that it in Orion, it looks a little hazy down there, you know, cuz you're in a different atmosphere. It seems he and I had a just a moment to think very few people see this View and not being on a roller coaster and live more than two or three seconds after this moment.

00:21:48  You at that point you're you're entirely in the hands of whatever the engineers did for that thing as opposed to all the chuckleheads behind you, which I used to be thinking all they got this thing under control this there's so much wind. No one can hear you scream a lot faster than piss because of all the wind not any actually any faster, but you feel like it is because of the wind in your face blowing. What would have been my hair all over.

00:22:16  He was it was a fine. It was a fine time. We were screaming the entire way. I pooped and peed myself at least twice years ago at Kings Island. I ran into people who were more annoying than those. Like me and your personal bumper mustache guy in front of me and I swear to God, they were playing patty-cake. What?

00:22:46  That's illegal.

00:22:48  Just that I'll be freaking illegal. It's like, you know, it's well, this is audio. No one can. See the way I have my hands. Yes, but they were no one goes under one of those on top one and I'm just staring at them. Looking at them. Like are you kidding me? You know what that felt the burning ceremony like

00:23:10  Yeah, you know that's like how old were these cretins? This is exactly like everywhere. Ben. Would you? You have kids? I have been when they were little you take him to the playground. Huh? Do you ever go there? And there's like people in their 20s, are in a college age. Kids playing on the equipment and you're like, the hell is this? Isn't there something? You should be doing to either better yourself or destroy your brain cells. And I said, you're at your plan on it on a swing set. Right? Years ago when living I were dating, we went out on a date and Camera. What? We did dinner ice cream movie. I don't know what, but we were out for a walk and can we passed? We did it pass a playground. Let's go play on the playground. It sounded like you were making excuse to be on the walk. We were getting ice cream and we had to walk to get there.

00:24:10  I got home. We decided we would stop and and play on this playground. So, we're on the swings and these kids show up and start chasing Libby around. They start, they start chasing cards and they're like, going to playing laser or play to bang. I can lose like, you didn't get me. I did know, you didn't you miss me and started pulling the old. I had my invisible bulletproof shield and you didn't get no gas, and I'm like, kind of these kids couldn't prove her wrong. You can't prove that. You don't have an invisible, bulletproof shield. And if you call it, that's the rule of the playground. That's true. If you say you have an invisible, bulletproof Shield group members of the YMCA. We, what time is it still open? Now?

00:25:03  So that's why we were allowed in.

00:25:07  See, folks, sometimes these movies that are these stories have context. That most normal people can follow, we jump the family early. I'm not very good at contact. We went after midnight. We jumped the fence and we were skinny-dipping in the pool. We went to the movies. We went to the movie. We went to the pool.

00:25:33  We went to the pool. Yes, the YMCA YMCA. We always grab a bunch of pool noodles. This particular day. We must have a dog. It's at 4. Everybody knows what a pool. Noodle is. Okay. It's a long piece of Styrofoam floats. Okay, you can make it into a sore. Don't think it's Terra foam. Well, then what is it? I don't know. Okay, I'm being. Are you are being argumentative foam? It's made of foam. It floats. So we're out there in the pool and we have our pool noodles. We decided that we were going to beat each other with him. Know we decided we were going to do some swimming exercises. We put the pool noodles on the side of the pool. Okay, these kids walked over and grab two of the pool noodles. Now, if it was just kids, I'd be like, okay, Kids, R Kids, Kids R. Kids, kids are going to be kids. I don't care if the kids play with the pool, but the kids went and got

00:26:33  The noodles while their parents were with them in, okay.

00:26:39  And they're just having a blast playing with these pool noodle and let me know. How long are they going to play with these without walking? Like they were getting ready to leave? Okay?

00:26:58  Do you make a scene? Yes. Those are the kids do go and put the noodles back. Okay, but nobody ever said. Hey, thanks for letting us play with your pool noodles, or hey, do you mind if my kids play with your pool noodle? The wild west, if the other ones were they didn't have pools in the wild west. That mean, what's going on here? So remind me, that reminds me of the story and one of Andrew's birthday parties at the birthday party. Involves what other kids coming over? Yeah. K. Fortunately, you a cake and presents. That's the ingredients for a kid's birthday party. Yeah, they're from getting bored. Yes, but for the most part, you going to have cake, you going to have presents, got to have other kids. Otherwise, it's it's some kind of sad.

00:27:58  We're having one of those and I'm going to be very careful here because these are still technically children. Although this was like 11 years ago, there Andrews age, now, obviously it came to the party. Okay, and they were looking around at the presents while I raised playing the games and they picked up a couple of presents and they just walked out the gate.

00:28:21  Start walking down the street, though. You can't tell you how chaotic it is. When you your apparent in your kid is having a birthday party, you and your wife are doing your best to keep everything together. If yes. And you're working extra hard to do all that without uttering four-letter, word. Yes, especially cuz you can every once awhile let him drop around your own kids, but other kids with other parents there and it's frowned upon us. So we're a bit harried as it were and ultimately Harry. So I'm in the middle of trying to cut said, cake. Haha. And I notice, the kids are taking the presents. Haha and I like Mike raised. Mine was like, maybe they're taking them to the other side of the yard. Haha, because they are planning a surprise over there and then they rounded the corner like all they're going to hide them, you know, so I start walking towards where they're from Matthew. Remember, what was I do?

00:29:21  When they started your cutting the cake.

00:29:27  Taking presents from the party, not even realizing it. I noticed. Everything got quiet and Bess is coming out of the things. Does the kitchen? She was doing. Solomon said, we've got a parasite to see me walking away with knife and I come back. I didn't stop them. I came back and I was like those kids. Just totally took the, the print they took the Press. Just like, what, what kid and I, I ran to the front of the house where the front door is, and I out the window. I like those can there just barely walking down the street with wrap presents. So, we had to go out the front door. Hey, and we didn't even you don't talk at that point, too much, right talk? While you're acting. You say, these are for these are Andrews presents while you're grabbing them from the kid. Yeah. And bringing them back in and put it in with the rest of the party.

00:30:20  Their parents weren't there was one of those, you know, here's the kid one of those drop and go here. Here's my kid for a few hours. While I go do whatever, I do go to Jo-Ann Fabric in your pool. Noodle story. Yeah. I have a little bit of anxious like, like I've seen them take presents from a birthday party. Anytime. I lay anyting of my worth, anything that I value around anybody, grabs that I can be like, you know, there's got to be a few seconds there. Were you let him haha, you know your buddies had that moment when you get in the wrong car in the in the Kroger parking lot. You get into another car looks just like yours. You like. Nobody saw you if somebody's in there in the passenger seat, but it's a lot more to add another car and try to open it with the key and like why can't I open a? I've opened it and what caused me to realize it wasn't my car as I was getting in was this is really clean.

00:31:19  I was like, oh my God, I don't have leather seats. All my God. What the hell? So anyway, there's that. There's a moment. There's it, an amount of time that you allow them to have possession of your dumbass rental. They can have that for that. Of time, but they got to give it back and when you get to the point where you feel like you have to yell, give me my pool noodles back, you know, you're you socially you taking it socially too far. Well Libby was like the purple one with the really big fat one. The really good pulled that was like the $2 one and she's like, I don't care if they keep the blue one, but I thought we were putting our towels down on the chair when this little kid, like 2 years old, walk straight over grabs, one of her noodles and just be lines off. And then the mom, again, it's another kid. The most like, no, no, no, do Jimmy or whatever. And she says,

00:32:19  Sorry, will I can play with the noodle is fine. And she screams like 40 minutes. If the kid just takes the pool noodle. You're in the, give me back. My pool noodle right stage, but if they take it in their parents says, give them back their pool. Noodle. You would do anything to let that kid happen. Two more pool. What a sweet little kid. Take the pool noodle. We were totally okay with the little kid playing with one, you know, it's like it, if, if it'll help cuz you can teach this lesson, another time. We don't just take, you know, we ask or we say, can we share or something like that? And then when the mom insisted that the kid, give it back. That's what the mom decided. So that's what we

00:33:19  That's a good mom. You were talking about getting it. Someone else's car years ago. I was at Kings Island and we were riding the something and we'd left the stroller over at the haunted Scooby-Doo thing. Okay, and so cuz we would usually park that there and sometimes he hit the swings and then the thing and then the other one and then I'd go back in and get it. So I go back to get the stroller and I'm walking it through the park. And I'm going to meet Libby in the boys where they were and I go to get the diaper bag and the diaper bag is gone then like, oh my God, somebody stole our diaper bag. Why would somebody steal a diaper bag? This isn't my stroller.

00:34:08  And I have never turned and ran. What I got it back like nothing half so nobody saw me. So there's no harm. No foul. Play Shrimp. Po, Boy, Palace. Hi. I'm Dave Lay. Let me tell you something about Po-Boys the sandwiches at Guadalupe as are made from the freshest lettuce. Homemade bang, bang sauce and shrimp, caught that day. These sandwiches taste. So good. You'll come back the next day, wanting more with nine locations in the US, Canada and Vermont. There's bound to be one near you somewhere. So, check out Guadalupe Shrimp. Po, Boy, Palace and tell him, Dave sent you now back to the show.

00:35:01  Last week I started and expression. Does that jump your coin? I love that it's taken off. I love your, your wife loves it. If Nana said, yes, it does then. I got a text from Jim Timmerman. Yeah, he sent me. What he thought was a funny. Picture was a sign that pointed for at firewood for sale. And there's no firewood spaces that really jumps my client just totally take it off. So if you like the expression, does that jump your coin? Let me know because that may be our next to each other. That we can have some stuff. We can have some fun with that one, hears, something that jumps my coin.

00:35:46  It's time now for the Kroger story of the week. I went to Kroger and I'm going through the checkout and the ladies there, and she's bringing everything up and she's fine and it's time to pay well, but this card scanner thing is laying on its back, face up in the sky and I'm trying to figure out she goes up. Sorry. That's that's broke. I mean it still works but the stand-up it's broke. And of course me being the funny guys. So funny said, I didn't do it. She was, I know, you're kidding, but a lot of people say that and just once I would love to look at them and say, look what you've done.

00:36:33  Register for here. And I have two that I got Blue Bunny and the Penguins. I looked at the it's there. They're not actually going down and Iceberg. I I manufactured that in my brain, which I've noticed that I've been doing a lot in my forties, all the movie. Did you see the Movie Surf's Up with the Penguins know? I know what you're talkin about a surfing penguin hippie, dude, okay.

00:37:08  It's up there with Big Lebowski, but I've been adding details to my stories that I found out later that I found out later. They don't like, I've convinced myself. It's, it's Auto embellishment. It happens. I don't know. It's like auto-tune and I can't control it in my head. I and I could see the box that they're going on Iceberg. But anyway, I did. What are they going down? What are they serving? Nothing? I'll show you the box while people so they're not at all. They are surfing. Okay. They're called surfboard sandwiches. Okay. Okay, they sound delicious. They are pretty good ice cream sandwiches for the past four weeks, and you never offered me an ice cream. And I won't is because I found that the hard sandwiches. I've just been having bad luck for years cuz I was pissed off at the last episode. I was like, they're all hard down. You're looking at me. Like, I've barely had yeah.

00:38:08  my second has,

00:38:12  I thought I knew a lot about you. So I got the Blue Bunny and they were soft. And I was like, Hallelujah. I found that there was off. I found the soft one and then I got blue bunny again and they were hard again. So there's something going on. So I'm in, I'm in Kroger like a freak squeezing, the sandwiches.

00:38:33  His house, you're squeezing in a box of ice cream sandwiches. Like the Sharman, please don't squeeze the Charmin. How psychotic that looks very. There's, there's certain things that you're allowed to do two different things in Krogers, like the eggs. I always hold him up to the light because every once while there's a broken egg in there and you got to see if there's a broken egg. I think that. I mean, if you're a weirdo and you don't know what kind of toilet paper you buy, you have to squeeze it like the charmant. I think that's okay. Right to squeezes and then it's enough, right? But next time you're there, a dice cream sandwiches, pull a box out. I'm not going to squeeze the ice cream. I just want to, I want you to feel the discomfort stop and look at you, you know, most of time you were visible for the people who I'm not squeeze that that I'm not manhandling it. I'm gently caressing. It doesn't take much just they might get a bike. They might get a mic fingerprint in one of them. You gently caressed, the ice cream stand.

00:39:33  Night with some slight force, that sounds dirty. It's non-destructive. Testing. Okay, but you would never have those moments where you're doing something that you're not supposed to be doing, and you don't realize, like I wasn't asking sandwiches and you hear silence and you look and everybody's kind of looking at you. That's what I experienced today. I squeezed them. And then, I just, I looked and there's some lady and she's just staring at me. And then she just kind of looked like she cuz she didn't know if I was lost my, that might be what people do before. They lose it. Go crazy in a store, starting wheezing ice cream sandwiches. So, she needs one on Better Business. I decided these are good enough. I've squeezed them. They're mine. Now, squeezed Us. Closing with Jess.

00:40:17  I bought this close and when I and II took them, I bought jordan almonds, which is the main reason I went to Kroger. I've become addicted to those again. I've ever had jordan almonds. I'm not a fan of almonds. Okay, I don't have to be for these. Okay? No, whenever they make you break out in hives or grow three heads, Jim Gaffigan joke. When you tell people you don't like, walnuts. Are you allergic to let you know. I'm I just don't like you not a fan. I don't like walnuts or pecans. Okay? Or almonds. You put some salted peanuts, on my eyes. Okay, and home boys. Happy. Okay, I like cashews. God bless you. So but I'm not a fan of cash is always think of rams heads. Okay, I don't I don't even know what I look like. The horns. Got you. I got you anyway.

00:41:10  I take my jordan almonds and my ice cream sandwiches, and all the rest of the crap that I bought. And I go up to the self-checkout because all the other check out, have tons of people in there. Always busy when I'm there. I go to the self-checkout, the one on weight doesn't matter.

00:41:29  I go over there at you. The one near the, the pharmacy closer to the pharmacy. So you been there enough? So I get in there and I'm checking out my stuff and there's a lady that governs the check outside Avia when the light lights up because you're buying something. You shouldn't be right or whatever. She comes over, checks your ID takes your pulse. Whatever the hell.

00:42:05  Ignores ignores, all the alarms, ignores all the alarms that come up. Like, I don't know if you'd get the thing where it says, put your put yours in the bag because she you might be stealing it and it calls alarm. You get all these things. They're supposed to investigate. She never investigate, they don't care. They just push their buttons and they and they go.

00:42:30  I'm getting my stuff through the checkout.

00:42:34  And this guy comes up right behind me like, just like 30 seconds after I get it there. And she says no no, no, we're closed. And he's just be stated or he's like closed.

00:42:46  And I I make eye contact with him cuz he's, he says your clothes. Like, I would say it like this is a kindred soul. And he's looking right at me. And it's clear that I just got there. I'm putting my school closings across the back and she says, yes. Yes, we're closed. He's like, he just says it again. Closed 2000. Explain a thing. She just waves. Are, you were, like, Obi-Wan in Star Wars. These are not the droids. You're looking for. That we're closed on like that. He goes. Oh, oh, oh, he backs up a step and you'll have to be again. He looks at her. He gestures with his hand. He brings his hand up, like he's going to present that I'm there, but he followed me up in the area there and did he just kind of gets disheartened and put his arm down. He says, okay.

00:43:43  Heats turn, discarded. This pathetic walk back over to the whole other side and I looked back at her and she says, have a good day sir to me.

00:43:55  White like I thought she was doing that for like I got the impression that she not getting rid of him, you know, for me. And I'm just like yeah and she's walking back and forth and I put all the bags in the thing and I thought man my ice cream sandwiches my need for ice cream sandwiches in. Jordan almonds, has produced another Kroger story worthy of the plastic.

00:44:19  This has been the Kroger story of the week. I lost you part way through there. I have to apologize to our listeners. I don't know if I told you this or not, but and this is something that I inherited from my grandmother. I don't know why but whenever I start laughing very hard, I get into a coughing fit. I'm not a smoker. I've never had emphysema or I have these listen to my lungs. I have healthy lungs, so I don't know why, but I start I get into a coughing fit. But damn, when you said to check your pulse.

00:44:57  But you reminded me of something that happened forever ago. And one of my biggest pet peeves is people who will ask the same question. Hoping to get a different result. I do that. It's closed. Closed for the movies and we were going to see people weapon or something. I can't hear what it was and the dude in front of me to for Lethal Weapon. She says it's sold out sold out.

00:45:31  Yeah, yeah, it's yes, sir. Sold out sold out.

00:45:40  I think that's impossible. Yeah, I mean sold out and closed our card know they're pretty compliment that you have to take your ice cream sandwiches sold out somewhere else. Sell. That means ain't got no more. You can't have them filled out. This portion of irritable dead. Syndrome is brought you by Whoppers all beef footlong hot dogs by everybody. It's your old buddy. Dave, and you know what? It's cookout season, whenever I get invited to my neighbor's cookout. I asked three questions. Will there be ladies? Will there be beer and will there be Whoppers all beef footlong hot dogs? If the answer to any of these questions is? No, I just say screw it, I ain't going. And if you're telling me you can afford an $800 Weber grill, but can't spend an extra five bucks on real hot dogs. A lot of load of crap lovers are made from 100% pure beef.

00:46:40  With no fillers and no preservatives, get a ruler and measure it yourself. If you are Whoppers, hot dog isn't a foot long. They'll refund your money guaranteed. So be a man, don't settle for anything less than Whoppers. All beef footlong hot dogs last week. I talked about a person who they've moved into my office, your office, but I've got an office, but India and so are you responsible for making sure that she gets out if there's a fire? Probably probably, although she probably thinks he's responsible for me because she's in her twenties and more capable and able to help the old man. So, just face. So anyway, someday is the character some days. It's fine. And some days. It's not fun. Today was one of those not fine days because I'm sitting there doing my work and she comes

00:47:40  Then if she's eating her lunch and I said, hello, what you got for lunch? A sandwich. I can see that. You have a stain out of the question is what type of Sandwich? Very good storytelling. Okay. She's very nice pieces of bread. The question is, what's in between the bread, right? Peanut butter sandwich. And I said, just just peanut butter and I like so, and then I turned it to the guy that I don't like. So, no jelly jelly on the 2nd. I think it's a texture thing. I don't think jelly belongs on a sandwich. The hell is? She does make that what my mind started racing. It's been like, how can jelly not belong on a sandwich? It doesn't make any sense. Doesn't matter how you feel about jelly. Whether it goes with peanut butter. Peanut butter and jelly. Go together. Yes. There's a like peanut butter and jelly. Yeah, there's a brand where you can buy it is sitting at the peanut butter.

00:48:40  Turn the jelly Stripes Cooper. I mean, you're a psychopath if you eat that but you can do it if you have to keep that refrigerator cuz I don't root for next Monday night. Yeah, it's a whole weird. Yeah, I think that's for people that are going to eat that whole jar in one sitting. Maybe that's who eats the Brian Regan said, put some croutons in there. Then you get here. If she says, it's a texture thing cuz my wife Libby, you know where you like her. She likes you. She's a fan of the show when she makes a PB&J. She has to spread it. So then because God forbid it be a little glob. You can't have it glob. You can't have Jeff me. No, such thing would half a jar of peanut butter is 1/2 a jar of jelly on there. It's all spitting out. Stop it up like a biscuit and gravy. Yeah. Are you can't put too much. Do you use? Mayonnaise mayonnaise?

00:49:40  On her other sandwich. I don't know. I am talking to her after. She said she didn't ask Jelly, would seem to have the same texture is is jelly. Yeah, but it, and that's on the topic of gloves give its tooth in another title. If it's too thin, you can't taste it. You need something to tame your peanut butter, and butter has some of that salt in it right to take it. That's what it is. So just did you ask if it was creamy peanut butter or crunchy peanut butter. No, I didn't ask probably that she s or not. Just what's the one with Peter Pan on it? Peter Pan. Peanut butter. Let me think. What do they call the Peter Pan, butter, the ticket of Skippy. It's not Skippy the flying elf.

00:50:33  Peter Pan Skippy and Jif but anyway, so I mean moms choose Jif, but I finally have just I couldn't figure out anymore that she's so cool. You going to talk with it on your podcast? Yes. Yes. I am. And you know what? I've imagined in my head like we're going to have to have her as a guest on the show. I've imagined when you've told the story about your office made that you have like a sixty-year-old woman. That looks like Aunt be no picture anti picture you sitting in the in the thing.

00:51:08  That going on.

00:51:15  You know, when you said told me the story in advance auto part of it in advance. You said, if she doesn't like the texture of jelly, I thought, wow, that's kind of cute in an old fogey kind of way. But now I know she's in her twenties. That's what the hell's wrong with her creepy. Like she was weird. Yeah. And to say it. So like a matter of fact. Yeah, like I just don't like the text. Like, she's better than me. That's like saying why I just don't like America. Yeah. I know.

00:51:45  He said that Arnold Palmer has a drink named after him half lemonade and iced tea Arnold Palmer. If you had a drink named after you what would the ingredients be?

00:52:05  I haven't even really come up with a good title for this one. Cuz I guess for me, let me know. All the drinks have already been taken, but I would if it was to be something original, it have to be tequila and Mountain Dew. I got a message week or so ago, from Jason Durbin, and he says, guess what I'm doing and totally out of context. I have no idea what he's doing. Like six in your car, shaving your beard. What? And he says, I'm drinking tequila. Now, he says, yeah, I used to I had to try it and he says, it's really good, and I'm going to have to make myself stop. So my, if you go and order a dolphin, it'll be a tall glass of Mountain Dew with two shots of tequila. Yeah, I think

00:52:59  Can you give me make it a snow cone? Cuz like, you know, I've always wondered what it would be like to have a snow cone would like, a little bourbon squirter and squirt that on there and then like, you can squirt all the different Tequilas in all the stuff on there and just make whatever kind of yeah, Psychopathic smoke on.

00:53:18  Yeah, I'm going to know that my drink would be so that's what your drinks going to call the psychopath snow cone, Psychopaths know,. Okay. I was my band in college.

00:53:28  I use that joke way to the first time. I've said it on this podcast. We have another question. Dan wants to know what's your favorite? Yo, mama joke.

00:53:44  I guess my favorite is a yo, mama so fat. She jumped a day or two got stuck, my favorite. GoDaddy joke is there's a GoDaddy, your dad is so short. You can see his feet on his driver's license.

00:54:04  Mr. Potato is a true. There's always room for Jello. Absolutely. Yeah, I love to you until I mean, I'll bet you my office made hates. It was one of those foods that I have to take a break from every once awhile. I come to a realization of what it is. I like shrimp. I love shrimp but every once in a while, I realize that it's see grubs and then I can't eat it and I just can't I just like I think of those huge like grabbing things they found in Australia that the bush people eat and I see the shrimp and I see those things and and same thing with Jello. I'd like I love some Jell-O. I do some Jell-O and then I think they make the sound like horse Hooves and stuff. I love it. Give me some of that right now. We make one of our tradition to yours. Do we make? The Christmas jelly is jello, a little Santa faces and stuff.

00:55:04  Okay, it's called the Christmas jelly because nobody in the house would say jello.

00:55:09  It's just kind of stuck. Your basket of it.

00:55:16  I thought you would have had an accepted that I had to say it and went straight to best.

00:55:24  Yeah, Chris use as a Rocky 4 question. You'll be okay. I will know the answer to it on the soundtrack. The song, the soundtrack for Rocky. 4 had both songs Hearts on Fire and Burning Heart. Yeah, he says, do you think that this is a theme for indigestion?

00:55:41  These years later, I never put that. And my favorite question for the week was from Andrew. He wants to know what is the best non comic book action movie ever made? Hey, so now that I know it's for a longtime listener, the show. I think they're trying to start a fight between us. He's trying to start John Waite hits John Wick right now, but I know that's not your favorite. I know it's not what you think is the best one ever made. Yeah, that's not. Okay. So here we go. So I feel obligated to say die hard. See that's what I predicted. You would say. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to have to go a die-hard but John Wick is right there man. I predicted you would say die hard or First Blood. Yeah. I don't see. I know first blood is technically, I don't really look. That one is an action movie. Now Rambo First, Blood Part 2, haha, and Rambo 3. Yeah, and most of

00:56:41  Rambo 4 or action movie. First Blood is more of a helicopter. He kills all know. He doesn't. Nope. They're all just wounded. Watch it. Watch it again because you just only one fatality on the internet. What I just told you and I and II went and watches like, wow, this is, this is almost like a TV movie but I need to watch it again. Terrified me as a kid. It was a great moving. Yeah. So what I think is the best, my favorite is Apocalypto. Oh,. I mean from from the get-go. Yeah. Is heart-pounding action. In Dance. I mean, you're on the edge of your seat, you're sweating yet. You're like, you're there will be times where you're not breathing, like I forgot to breathe. And then the scene when they get to

00:57:41  Pyramid and it's the chop in the head nodding and out yet. I guess you another really, really, really good one. That was Mad Max Fury, Road. Yes, that son of a gun from, oh, my God. I'm ever leaving. I had rented it, not really into still watch it. But she was on the Edge Of A Thrill Ride. Yeah, very. Very, very, very, very good. Do you consider The Fugitive to me an action movie? I was going to say The Fugitive know I consider that a drama. Okay, I mean, okay. So the action was he jumped off the tower, I'll jumped up for the elephant.

00:58:25  I don't know better. I can't think of the word York. Your pics are in the tower of the middle of the Bourne series. I love the Bourne series. I can kick James Bond naked. Well, they could have kick the Daniel. I think the Daniel Craig Bond and Jason Bourne could go at it. I think. Daniel Craig doesn't stand a chance against, you don't know, James Bond. The Daniel Craig. James Bond might be better picking up the ladies or lightning cigarette or driving is Aston. Martin ain't got nothing on Jason Bourne. Nothing now old school action movies cuz some of them get left behind. The Predator is way the smack up there as a kid,. So now, I'm like, what the hell is this? I feel embarrassed for my younger self. Leave him alone. He's dead tired. I let him go.

00:59:25  I kill you, last, I lied.

00:59:32  We have a request to Big saint of our ship. We were talking about he's listened to that's awesome. I was talking about how back in the 90s. I used to work with a guy named Nathan and we did some commercials for JD's 24-hour, drive-thru Pawn and Gun auto parts. Pharmaceutical don't give babe decal, discount cigarettes, and he was saying about how much you love that commercial and asked if we would ever run the commercial again. What we're not going to run that commercial again. We're going to run a different commercial and I still have a bunch of them. So if if you didn't hear that particular episode, my friend, Nathan and I, we used to work together at my first TV station, and he had come up with the concept for this convenience store, that sells literally everything. And we started writing some spots together and he produced a bunch of them. They ended up playing on the John-Boy and Billy Big Show. So, here's another commercial for JD's 24 hours.

01:00:32  Arthropoda gun Auto Parts. Pharmaceutical don't get bait and tackle Discount Cigarette Outlet.

01:00:43  24-hour, drive-thru, Pawn and Gun auto parts. Pharmaceutical is just as good as another to tell you find quality merchandise at low prices.

01:00:55  Kerosene ring, binders. Corkscrews padded bras.

01:01:06  Nipple piercing Debbie Snack, Big League. Chew ashtrays motorhome accessory, 2% milk and them. Sexy little t-shirts that show your belly button. I don't forget to grab a hot pan of homemade cornbread along with an autographed picture of Donnie gay.

01:01:22  Turn on the midnight. We'll have another one. Pulled pork barbecue, eating contest in the air condition back room in the winner gets a Dale Earnhardt pocket knife and be part of the latest trade with her new talking, Robert D. Ray from action figures. Bring him good that they are new Wild World animal petting zoo.

01:01:43  Look up down. What are you waiting for?

01:01:51  Backpack mess counts Cigarette. Outlet. Cam is that he passed away a few years ago and some friends. And I were talking about him and we really miss having him around another episode. When you put this one in the bucket. We really want you guys to come back next week. Next, Ya episode 52 of our one year anniversary. We're going to play best of Clips. There's some new surprises. It's going to happen, Okay, that's true. That your dad sent my crew. Come on. Check us out on our website www.com. Oh, yeah. There's all kinds of question. Somebody asked if we would do the buy me a coffee. If you heard of the buy me a coffee, buy a coffee for me. Give me a coffee.

01:02:51  Some kind of thing where you somebody buys you a coffee. And then people by ask, I think that's how I see an amount of money that is equivalent to buy in a coffee and it's like a thank-you or a, here's a support of the show. I don't know. I haven't read much about. I normally don't tell you how to run your life. Haha, next time, maybe figure out what you're going to say.

01:03:24  Before you start to say, I did that half of her episodes would be non-starters. So, from all of us, if you're able to head syndrome, we'd like to thank you. I will see you next week. Hey guys, I don't want to be here. Where's the front door?